- He says we were made for each other
- He says he's never felt this way before
- He says he loves me
- He moved out, but hasn't proceeded further with legal work towards a divorce
- He went on a trip with family, friends, and his "ex" because it was planned before we met
- He says it's nothing
- He says I am worrying too much
As I write this I feel so stupid because it seems painfully clear that I'm a fool for believing this man.
How is it that I have fallen in love with someone who obviously hasn't put me as 1st in their life.
The worst part is, I've always been 2nd in some way to the men I've choosen. Why?
Why can't I find a man that loves me for who I am. How can I learn to choose the right men? I can't stand being second, I feel so low and unworthy. I've been here before, and this time I don't know how I'm going to pull myself back up again.
On top of it all, my best friend just moved away, we still talk on the phone, but it's not the same and I'm so lonely.
2007-03-09 10:55:51 · 17 answers · asked by Hammy40 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
2007-03-09 11:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by LaQuinta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are always second because you haven't learned to stand up for yourself in this life. Your self-esteem needs some work.
For starters, read 'Why Men Love Bitches'. This book is funny and has some home truths on co-dependency and 'nice girl' syndrome. After you've finished laughing, get some professional help and work on your self-esteem and self-worth.
Nothing is perfect in this life, however, you can change and make your life the way you want it to be. It will take time and effort, but it is worth it. YOU are worth it.
Good luck.
P.S. As a rule of thumb - avoid sleeping with men too soon. You need to know the person that you are giving your body and heart to. You wouldn't give someone a million bucks of your hard-earned cash within a month of meeting them, now would you? Your body, emotions, and self-esteem is worth way more than that. Think about it.....
2007-03-09 15:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why oh why do so many men behave this way. They want their cake and eat it. The marriage is clearly not dead in the water as he tells it......am sorry but this is true. If it were legal proceedings would be moved along by him and sharpish. If he has made a committment to you and is not prepared to honour it.......now I feel the holiday part is understandable for the childrens sake......but not to be moving proceedings tells a different story. Maybe you keep choosing such men because you have come to expect second best......change the mind set and next time only get involved with someone who is truly available.
2007-03-09 20:16:56 · answer #3 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is disloyal to you and you have got to stop being a pushover, or yes, you are going to always be second in a man's life. You have to be powerful and make him want you. If he still treats you bad, dump him. You are an individual person and noone can think of you as their other half, because you will never be.
You aren't a half until you meet someone - remember you are a whole, not someone to be messed with. If your next boyfriend abuses this way of thinking, you should consider him disloyal and get rid of him.
Going for a Best Answer here,
Katz x
2007-03-09 19:36:44 · answer #4 · answered by KateBea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on! Call Your Friend And See If You Can Stay With Her/Him For A Week Or Two.
Go To Church And Look For A Person With Whom Really Is A Christian. If A Person Loves God Then He/She Will Love You Also!!
Do not become second in any relationship you deserve more. Most people do take kindness for being weak .I feel like this is what YOU are allowing to happen to you.
2007-03-09 11:06:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, I do feel for you even though I don't have an answer as to why you let men abuse and take advantage of you in this sort of way. And yes, it is emotional abuse. You may have a very unhealthy need to rescue sick men and maybe you should talk to a professional about this on going pattern or cycle of dead-end relationships that you can't seem to break out of and what the hell is driving this chaos is your life. I do wish you the best.
2007-03-09 11:09:09 · answer #6 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you are at an emotional low right now. This low coupled with your repeated patterns tells me that you may need to speak to a counselor. Also you may want to get out the yellow pages and find a support group.
And sweetheart, leave this man alone. He is doing nothing for your self esteem.
2007-03-09 11:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by dionne m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think you have answered your own question.
And no it's not wrong for you to expect respect.
We've all wasted time on people that are not worth it, how much time do you intend to waste?
It may seem easy to continue things just because you feel a bit lonely but you could be denying yourself the opportunity to meet a genuine person who really cares about your feelings.
Wishing you happier times ahead.
2007-03-11 19:47:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Hammy,
WoW. this isn't just a question, this is almost an inquisision, I know cops wouldn't ask this many questions in one sitting, it wouldn't be allowed, but OK I will have a crack at it for you, one ? at a time though:-
The first 3 statemants all cover one part of my response, when I tell you this, He must have told you this to sorta put your mind at ease a bit, and thinking it would keep you quiet and relaxed enough to let him get on with what it is he wants to do, Oh No! This is just not good enough, and you would be a silly girl to fall for it, he is lying to you, and is hoping to get away with it, Don't let him,
So, he moved out, right this is even more clues for you that he just may be thinking that he can pop round to love you when it suits him, but considering he has an ex-wife to go on holiday with, he is going to be too far away from you to enjoy your very close-up company, and he can't be nipping round for you then can he?, well he has his ex-wife, and for the fun he will be having on holiday, he WILL have even more fun with the Ex-wife, and not for one moment do I believe that he intends to get this divorce thing moving, and it sounds to me like it is dead in the water, and this time he told the truth, when he said "It's nothing", and what doesn't exist is a fair title for 'it's nothing'.
If you are feeling Stupid, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. all of this is entirely his fault, because he is a damned liar, and you would be regarded as much more intelligent, if you quit believing this Lying man, you fell in love with this man for the ways in which he charmed you into his life at his total disregard for your own. He was never going to put you first, and he still isn't. If you have been second in all the other relationships in your life thus far, it really is time to get yourself sorted out and free again.
You can of course find someone, who will fall in love with you, and raise you to the very pinnacle of his life. but be happy enough to get rid of this lying S-O-B. first, and when he is gone, and he will go, he will have to, and fast!
Try to get out more and let the whole area around you know, that you are BACK IN CIRCULATION and get with the girls,and dance your shoes off, go easy on the booze, join Yahoo Personals, and E.Mail a few guys, the lonely ones are your best bet, and get to know them slowly, don't exchange any phone numbers or addresses, and when you really want to meet them, either don't go alone, or take a friend with you, and tell them to sit fairly close, and just wait and see,but a little trust and a few smiles will be needed by you, if you like the new man,and you think you would like to meet him again.....you can ask all the right questions and wait until you see that he is the man that proves the rule that not all men are liars, and we are not you know, Ihave been happily Married to my lovely wife Susan for just over 42 years, and I still Love her, so very much, dera Hammy, I do so hope I have helped you. but honestly honey, don't even talk to the old 'fiance' ever again, let him go...x...Tony M...
2007-03-09 11:43:44 · answer #9 · answered by tony m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Witing about it here, now, already seems to help you; you are realizing that you don't need to put yourself into this situation!
Don't feel stupid, we've all been there, putting ourselves out on the line for someone who certainly doesn't deserve it, just 'cause we think we love 'em!
Listen to your gut; it'll be okay, and maybe your Mr. Right is just not ready to meet you yet (e.g., mine had to grow up first - I am 13 years older, ha, ha!).
So, good luck to you!
2007-03-09 11:12:16 · answer #10 · answered by avechm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the man because you are worth it.
Join a club or go to evening class to get yourself out, pursue a hobby.
Sometimes we have to close one door before another will open.
Don't settle for anything less than the best.
Happy Days
2007-03-09 11:05:58 · answer #11 · answered by Jewel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋