We are separated. She told me I could move back in 30 days IF I got a vasectomy. I said we ought to reconcile first before having something like that done. She said I was being selfish and if I loved her I would do it. O.K. I had it done. At the office, I said to her, 30 days right? She said o.k. Well, I had it done. It was painful. I hated it, I trying to forget about now. It's been 60 days and she said I did it for MYSELF, not her. She said it turns her stomach to think I am coming back to live with her and doesn't like it when I come over to see our two children yet she won't let me spend time with the kids w/o her around. I didn't want to get one in the first place. I wanted to have more kids. I still do. I feel totally betrayed and lied to. I'm trying to put our marriage back together but I'm not going to wait much longer. My mom says I should get a lawyer and my brother says I should get a girlfriend and forget about her. All this makes me want to start drinking.
2007-03-09
10:39:33
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25 answers
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asked by
prouddaddy
6
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hope I don't start drinking as I'm on anti-depressants as it is. It hurts bad. If we split up. The first thing I'm going to do is get my pipes re-connected and pray that I won't have permanent damage. Next I'm going to find me a woman that will love me and will be more compatible with me and who wants to have children. Albeit, I hope and pray that the marriage can be restored but I've done everything I know to do and nothing seems to work. I haven't been perfect (no cheating) as we have argued. We are very different. I'm willing to accept her differences. She apparently can't accept me and that hurts.
2007-03-09
10:45:15 ·
update #1
No, drinking isn't the answer. Don't listen to your family. They don't know how much you really care about her. People here are going to tell you to get out and get a divorce. Not me. Sorry! I think that you should definitely have an adult conversation with her. No pointing fingers, no name calling, nothing. Just talk about the sacrifice you made for her, and ask her why the tough decision to let you come back home.
Honestly, she sounds like a manipulative b*tch to me, and has to have her way. I suggest if you two do get back together, to put your foot down. Don't let your wife walk all over you like a breathing throw rug. You're the man! I can't believe she did this to you. All I can tell you is to try to reconcile like adults, and if she still wants to be an immature brat, then separate from her. Wake up calls do work! Don't run off and get a divorce, try separation to open up her eyes. She thinks she can get a long without you, but until you leave and make her think twice about the way she is treating you, then she'll be doing some adjustments with her attitude and her actions.
Sorry, I'm not much help, but sometimes women are so stubborn and refuse to change. You tried to make your wife happy and it backfired on you, it's sick! Email me anytime if you need an ear. Take care and good luck!
2007-03-09 10:49:28
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answer #1
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answered by SillyKimmie 4
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In retrospect, I would go ahead with my plans as they are ok, however, I would do the lawyer thing just as a protection and as for your wife, I would file suit for nullity based on fraud and ask for full restitution and an injury suit to your beloved for the promise resulting in surgury and the custody of your children. Your spouse sounds like she fits the profile of a sociopath and if there is any pathological lying I would guess she has behavioral disorders of some type. Simply take the kids in court, file for child support and find a new mommy along the lines you are going. You are on the right track. As experience speaks, I warn you not to leave the string between you and your ex untied. The attorney will help you tie things and cut off the excess. She is a dangerous person that will cause great greif if I am correct. Do not take my word or any word for that matter. Get the facts, if she is like this the children will be moved. All you need is a good woman for your home. They are few and far between and look so much like the others. Find one the children like as children are sometimes the best judge of character. Do not let any restitution you are entitled to go away. Make her stand up and be counted for her actions. You will see a very different person.
2007-03-09 19:52:30
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answer #2
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answered by andyman 4
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it baffles me that a doctor performed this on you without consulting how you feel about it. it is routine that you meet with doctors first before this is performed. if you had probs with your wife, you should've informed the doc you did not want to do it and he would not have performed it.
It cost money to reverse vasectomy and you are right, there might've been some permanent damage.
You already know you have a tendency to drink and yet you still say it makes you want to start drinking which indicates that you are weak in character.
Instead of formulating these thoughts in your head why dont you use the energy to figure out how you can move on from this relationship and your life. It is obvious your marriage is pretty much over.
2007-03-09 19:02:47
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answer #3
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answered by Georgina 3
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The Vasectomy had nothing to do with it. You are just in a failed relationship.
The only thing you can do is look at the bright side. There will be no more kids in your future. Every two weeks when you see your paycheck take a “hit” from the child support, you will be thanking her for talking you into a vasectomy. Ok, you don’t follow, do you. Just imagine if you didn’t have the vasectomy and started dating someone else. That could easily mean that you will end up paying for more kids that you don’t see.
2007-03-11 13:57:36
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answer #4
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answered by Marvin 7
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So sorry to hear your story. A person (male or female) should NEVER get themselves fixed for their spouse...if she didn't want to have kids it is her responsibility to protect herself...she should have gotten fixed. Call your doctor ASAP and see if it can be reversed...don't wait cause the longer you wait the more difficult it will be.
The next thing you need to do is go to court and set up legal visitation of your children. She cannot prevent you from seeing them. Since she is so repulsed by you make your separation legal and begin the steps for divorce. It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you and has made that clear. If you are having trouble dealing with it seek counseling. Listen to your mother and move on. Don't try to get a girlfriend until you are totally over her and have worked thru your issues.
Good luck.
2007-03-09 19:05:37
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answer #5
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answered by answergirl 3
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she did the most unkind a thing she could do to u, she lied, got u to do something u really didn't need to do all because she promised u that u would have a life with her and your children. don't start drinking, whats done is done now. maybe there is some way u can get this reversed, if u should meet someone else. this girl has no love for u at all, u need to stay far away from her, u will need to get an attorney if u want to see your children.
2007-03-09 18:49:00
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answer #6
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answered by jude 7
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I'm very sorry that this happened to you. I wish that there was something that I could say to make it better but I can't people are selfish and probably she wanted to make sure that you only had children with her and no-one else. I am sorry. Anyway pray about it and go out with some friends. Don't waste your life because of someone that deosnt love you. BE happy for yourself and your children if it was meant to be it will work itself out in the long run. If not maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
2007-03-09 19:42:31
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answer #7
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answered by Confused 2
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Vasectomy! Not in a million years me and the little guy's are best friends...One thing to think about is that a majority of vasectomy are reversible. First..... hand her the walking papers go back home and head for the master bedroom and take it over and let her sleep in the guest bedroom don't be a wimp and take charge of things and stop whining be a man!
2007-03-09 19:20:17
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answer #8
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answered by miester44 5
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Grow up you have two kids to take care of and if she is that mental you should be in court fighting for custody. I am sorry to be so blunt but I would tell a woman the same thing stop worrying about not being able to have more kids and take care of the ones you have already got. What will hurt her more than anything is for you to move on with your kids good luck in doing that.
2007-03-09 18:52:21
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answer #9
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answered by curtianmaker 2
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Get a lawyer, fight to be able to see your kids and to be a father. Don't let her control you. You can never forget about her, she is the mother of your children and for the good of the children, you both at least have to communicate.
As for the vasetomy, it is a very sad thing. But what is done is done.
She throws the idea of "you did it for yourself" because she wants to think that. It's easier for her to justify the whole thing.
2007-03-09 18:46:22
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answer #10
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answered by Rose 3
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