Do you think you have a moral obligation to stay with your family until your kids are grown and can understand why at some point you need to leave? or do you think it's okay to leave when you have small children?
Do you come first or does the family's needs?..
I say this because my husband's father did this and his children and grandchildren say they will never have anything to do with him even when he's dying as they say He made his bed he can lie in it...Your thoughts?
2007-03-09 10:15:45 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
That is for the person in the situation to decide, not you, not anyone else.
He has a moral obligation to the Children to provide for them and raise them as best he is able but he isn't under any constraint to remain in an essentially loveless marriage.
I say his children and grandchildren have made a poor choice and it is THEIR loss, not his.
2007-03-09 10:56:27 · answer #1 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think staying married "for the kids" is one of the worst things anyone can do. He can still be supportive of the kids and grandkids without remaining married or even in the same household as the mother/wife.
It is completely possible for you to meet the needs of both.
Children are one of the greatest gifts we can ever receive. But lying to yourself about who you are and living a lie can only end in misery for the individual and everyone around him. Gay Dads can be just as responsible and just as active in their child's life as Straight Dads.
Sounds like this specific individual was a bad father, gay or not.
2007-03-09 12:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by Liam P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm a gay man and I feel that when you have children you have a responsibility to those children. If theres emotional or physical abuse in the relationship that somewhat mitigates your responsibility.
You should really tell his children and grandchildren that they need to ******* grow up though. They wouldn't even EXIST if it wasn't for your husband's father. The least they could do is pay their respects on his death bed, it's not like he molested them or beat them as children.
2007-03-09 10:47:25 · answer #3 · answered by collegedebt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This makes me sad....but I know many folks, woman and men who have made the choice to be themselves.
However, just because you chose to be honest about your sexuality doesnt mean you have to turn your back on the family you love.
Hers are some factors:
-Did he willingly leave and never come around?
that would be his fault. HOwever, in most cases, families with a newly outed member are very closed off and dont want them around.
In the end, everyone has to think about themselves and the choices they have made and what they really love. Some people are selfish and run away from hard times....other folks stick it out and make it work.
Sorry to hear of the sad situation.
2007-03-09 10:24:22 · answer #4 · answered by holefannn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be married for your children to come first. A happy family does not equal marriage.
I have a lot of friends whose parents stayed unhappily married, and now everyone is in therapy. And my friends don't have a clue what a healthy relationship is.
How pathetic is that ... that people think staying married for image-sake is better than being mentally and emotionally well?
I don't think this is a gay/hetero issue. This is a parenting issue. Hopefully you don't extend your families hate to your children.
2007-03-09 11:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by Active Denial System™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's OK to get divorced and to move out. However, I do not believe that one should just forsake one's family. No one can honestly expect two people who are unhappily married, for whatever reasons, to stay married or live in the same house. I don't think the children should have abandoned their father, unless he had no contact with them by his own will. If he didn't take part in his children's lives then that's almost entirely his fault that he's alone.
2007-03-09 10:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by Raft 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now is not the time to be selfish. You should have done this BEFORE the children were brought into the issue. There's nothing wrong with living life for yourself and doing what makes YOU happy while you can, You were given the opportunity to do BEFORE you had the kids & got married. So now it seems as if you need to play with cards you dealt yourself.
2007-03-09 10:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Raynebow_Diva 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad that people who could love and care for each other are divided by bigotry and social prejudice. Everyone is suffering in this picture -- you, your husband, your kids, your father in law - if everyone would just calm down and mind their own business (and your father in law's sexuality is nobody's business but his and his wife or partner's) then maybe some sanity and human compassion could return to your family.
Sadly, people have murdered their own children (this is what the Bible commands, after all) to please God and because they feared something that they didn't understand.
Acceptance of your father in law's life would be kind and loving, and you might pray that kindness and true love will find some way to sneak into the hate-filled family that you married into.
My heart goes out to you.
2007-03-09 10:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by Kedar 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Usually, the needs of the individual equal the needs of the family. If the couple had stayed married, it could do more harm to the kids.
2007-03-09 10:21:55 · answer #9 · answered by grumpyfiend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh man this is a tough one. You've got your family's who you love on one hand, and your own life on the other. And we only get one shot at our experience on this planet.
I can't tell you what to do. Maybe you should make a chart of "plusses" and "minuses" of staying vs. leaving. I know a very rational approach, but sometimes rationality is required in the midst of such emotion.
The challenge I see for you is that love cannot be based on lies and mistrust. You love your family but are lying to them. You need to ask yourself, can you live with this inherent conflict? Will it make you resent your family?
2007-03-09 10:41:04 · answer #10 · answered by TJL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋