My fiance and i are talking about marriage, but are concidering holding off on getting married a while until we both mature more. (i'm only 19, and he's 20). I live with him so i know all about him, and we've been together for a few years. He is perfect in every way, except one. He get mad very easily, and always goes to the extreme. When he's mad, he doesn't really care about other people's feelings, and just wants to convinve himself he's right. He doesn't ever put me down or lower my self-esteem when he's mad, but he does try to act like nothing matters to him. He's not abusive in any way, but i just want him to care about things, and learn to control his anger and thinking calmly and logically. I know that there's not much I can do, other than encourage him and i must wait until he's mature enough to handle it on his own, but my question is. Is it possible for guys to ourgrow this, or will he always have this problem? He's actually shown signs of improving, but will it last?
2007-03-09 09:42:23 · 14 answers · asked by Andii 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what i mean by he has a bad temper is that when i tell him something different than what he thinks, he gets really defensive and won't listen to what i have to say because he feels cornered (even tho i try really hard to make him not feel that way) He basically gets upset at me for wanting something different than he does because he feels his way is the best, but then after we "argue" about it for a little while, he realizes he's being childish and starts to actually pay attention to what i say, and give it a thought.
2007-03-09 09:57:18 · update #1
Change is always inevitable...in regards to a character change, it solely depends on the individual, whether or not they want to change.
I think it is a really wise decision that the both of you are contemplating waiting...in this time, you will learn and realize whether or not you can accept him, with or without his anger.
Remember this, no one is perfect, you might have characteristics that he overlooks, or rather...accepts. Maybe what the two of you can do is come up with a compromise. When he is angry...dont talk, just listen...does his anger usually go away as fast as it came? If it does, then he might just need this as his way to vent out when something bothers, saddens, hurts him.
The both of you are still young, and are just starting to get to know yourselves, let alone each other. So i suggest you take it slow...The both of you will know when the time is right.
2007-03-09 10:01:54 · answer #1 · answered by Patience 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it won't last and it may be 20 years or more before (or if) he ever grows up. If so, he would have cleaned up his act a long time ago. Sorry, but he is indeed abusive if he goes to the extreme with his temper and makes your house a war zone. He needs to make a commitment to therapy and stick with it for a year before you can make any decisions about his maturity. And move out before he becomes physical- don't fool yourself into thinking he won't go there- he will.
2007-03-09 17:47:57 · answer #2 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most likely, he will remain this way for years to come. It may be a part of his core personality, and not something he can ever "outgrow". Perhaps, it is something you just have to learn to ignore if you are to stay with the guy. My former spouse was somewhat hot-headed, but after a while I stopped noticing it; he would come to me apologizing for having "snapped" at me earlier, and I would have no idea what he was talking about! He did mellow out a bit with age, but the core aggression was still there to some degree.
2007-03-09 18:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to say. EVERYONE that young changes drastically as they mature--like 25 or 26ish. They don't think they will that much but they will. However, that does not always mean that the things you wish they would change will, sometimes bad qualities get worse, sometimes so do good qualities---basically you cannot change things for them or pick and choose what changes. You really should step away from the situation to give yourself some perspective...even move out. see what happens.
2007-03-09 17:50:28 · answer #4 · answered by princess4444 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It will only last if he has anger management therapy.
His frustration level is very low and that is not good.
He needs counselling. He may improve a day or two and then relapse into old patterns. With help, he can change his patterns but this is not something you can do on your own.
2007-03-09 17:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by CYP450 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll mature as he ages. I know as I've grown older, my quick temper has slowed considerably, but I'm more than 20 years older than your guy, and it's taken a long time and the desire on my part to want to change that about myself. So yes, he can change, and yes, he will change. I don't see it being significant change unless he really wants it though.
2007-03-09 17:48:24 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weeeeeelll, that is a tough one. If he cannot understand when he is wrong- or know when to let go of an issue, he may be a pain in the butt in the long run...But, if it is something you can deal with then perhaps you should go ahead and marry him.
2007-03-09 17:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may become abusive down the road...you may consider anger managment couseling before marriage just to be sure. You don't want to get married if your not 100% sure of EVERYTHING..
2007-03-09 17:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
men can change if they want to, but nothing you do can make him. my advice is put off the wedding until he's learned to deal with his problems. don't use it as a threat, just tell him you don't want any problems going into the marriage, as there will already be a world against you. marriage is one of the hardest things in the world, but it's worth it. and like i said, if he wants to change, he will....when he's ready, and on his terms. good luck!
2007-03-09 17:47:51 · answer #9 · answered by a girl like any other 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest the two of you living apart, seperating. Try a dating relationship instead of living together.
2007-03-09 17:46:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋