Stay or go?

Question

I got divorced one year ago today, my ex husband left me for another women and with in 6 months of the divorce he wanted to get back together with much convincing I finally gave him another chance only to find out on my birthday yesterday that though he moved back in he has been still seeing the other women. She and I spoke and we have both found we were getting played. Now my dilema, most would say dump him, problem is we are living far away from home state because of my job and he has no where to go live and its very cold out. I have two children with him and they are at a very impressionable age. Do I follow my heart and let him stay (no relationship) or do I throw him out wish him the best and hope my children don't loose sleep over this. Keep in mind I have been with the same man for 20 years and though he is a jerk he is still human and love has no light switch. Please be truthful yet respectful. Thanks

Answer 1

You should talk this over with a counselor or therapist or even your clergy if you're religious. Your children need a strong role model.

Answer 2

I've been married for 19 years, and have 2 children ages 16 and 12. If I were in your exact shoes, I would tell him to hit the road jack. You gave him a second chance, and he squandered it. Marriage is about love and trust, and obviously you cannot trust him anymore. He can go find himself an apartment, since he obviously cannot find it in himself to be faithful to one woman.

On your children, you say they are at impressionable ages, ok. Do you want them to figure this one out, that their dad played their mother AND another woman, and then think that's acceptable behavior for THEIR future relationships? Or do you want to impress upon them that marriage means fidelity and trust, and without those you have no marriage. They will figure out (probably quicker than you think) that you and your husband are not physically involved, and that will affect them as well. You want to model a successful relationship for your children, so that they will know what one looks like when they are adults. Don't continue showing them what a disfunctional relationship looks like. You should call a divorce attorney first thing Monday morning, and tell your husband he can remain in the guest room or on the sofa until he can find himself suitable living arrangments. Do not share a bed with him. He has made a mockery of what your marriage should stand for. Best of luck to you, I hope you can find peace and happiness for you and your children.

Answer 3

That is very difficult, I guess he could just be a roommate with the intention to move out. I wouldn't want to stare at the face that took a second chance and threw it away time after time. He obviously has no respect for you or for the fact that you two had a family together. He was selfish, so now he's got to be by himself. I still can't believe that he did that again after you took him back. I'm sorry, he's not really a loss, it's just the relationship is lost. I'm sure your kids will understand when they're older.

Answer 4

personally if he wanted the divorce, and he left u once, he can do it again. where was he living before this? personally i would not take him back, no matter how cold it was out. he should have thought this out before he did it. he is still seeing her, so why doesn't he just go back to her house? sorry but i have no compassion for him, and u won't either when he cheats on u again. this affair caused a divorce, that didn't need to be, his choices destroyed your marriage, if u take him back he will do the same to u again. he is only back because she must have thrown him out, not because he wants reconciliation. has he even shown any remorse to u, or admitted his wrong to u? personally i would not want to share a husband, nor would i want to relive the pain of betrayal over again, once should be enough. let him find his own place, what your teaching him is there are no consequences that he can come in and out of your life at will. your no longer his wife, why do u still feel responsible for someone who disrespected u so?

Answer 5

Flip a coin!

Quite honestly you havent been making the best choices. I am seperated from my ex and he tries to do this too (less the other woman- his issue is coke). Its hard on the kids either way.

He has to understand what he has done to his family and figure out why he continues to do this! If he cant give him the boot, forever.

I am sure the other woman would really take him back. He can sweet talk his way back to her bed if he did it the first time. Plus she must have figured out he was married along the way. (Stupid homewreckers please get a clue to what you do to innocent families!)

This will always affect your children no matter what. Get them some therapy and keep them busy. Aside from you they should be your only concern. Your ex shouldnt even be on your list of cares after how he treated the 3 of you. I personally would make him sleep in the park!

Answer 6

As you say so yourself your children are at a very impressionable age. Which means if you let him stay with you your sons will think its okay to treat women this way, cheat on them, and abandon their children. You daughters will feel they are inadequate to function without a man in their lives as their mom did. Now who cares if it's cold. You have a family together, but he left you anyway. Girl look out for you and your babies. Not this guy, he's not worth this. Help him pay for a plane ticket home or something, but this is going to ruin your life even more. He was not there for you, why are you going to be there for him? I know you love him, but trust me... He is getting what he wants. You should get what you want and need. Do it for your kids.

Answer 7

You say you children are at an impressionable age, it is your duty to teach them right from wrong. Throw out your cheating husband, he has his other women to keep him warm, and get on with your life. Show your children that there are certain standards of respect that human beings are required to meet. This is a no-brainer, and I am being a gentle as I can. This man has no respect for you, no matter if you have been with him for five minutes or for fifty years.,

Answer 8

If all you have to go by concerning him cheating is her say so, then I would check further. There is every good reason not to go by what she says in the matter with her being the other woman and a woman scorned to boot.

If he has been cheating, then don't allow him in your bed, but since the house belongs to both of you (I imagine), then he has every right to be there as you do. I've never understood where women get off thinking the man should have to leave his house when they get angry with him, whether their anger is justified or not.

Answer 9

As you say, your children are at an impressionable age. That means set an example for them. By NO LONGER being a doormat to this person you call a 'man'.
Please speak to your heart, via your head! You have a full life ahead of you, as well as two children. He's an adult (or should be) thus able to take care of himself. Dont be taken in by his lil ole me BS. Ensure that he provides you with child support for your children. With a small amt of luck and brains, he may just amount to something. Good grief girl.....

Answer 10

Of course you can't turn love on/off, but that doesn't mean you have to suffer. Your kids will be fine. Don't lie and tell them the truth. This man is very lucky to have a woman like you, but are you getting a benifit from this... He is, he gets a home, his kids, and no bills to pay. I would say let him go. He can roost with a buddy.

Answer 11

I think you should try to stay at one of your friends house until he can get a place. I would advice you to let him stay with you until he finds a place, But you know how that is you both are still gonna do things that your going to regret and he still going to play you.