Did I cheat? I'm confused.?

Question

I have been married for 3 1/2 years, our marriage has been very, rocky. He has anger problems and gets mad at anything and everything. When he gets angry he insult me and hurts me. about 1 year ago, I left him, for the 2nd time, because he was physically and mentaly abusive. We were seperated for 3 months at which time I was living with my parents. I have taken a lot of crap from this man, he insults me, yells, pushed me, hit me, he even spit in my face. The thing is that when I left him for 3 months I was really not planning on going back with him, I wanted to get a Divorce, but if I did his probation officer would find out that I left him because he was physically/mentaly abuse, he would go to jail because he was on probation for domestic violence against me. Well during those 3 months I met a guy, I went out with him and ended up sleeping with him. after that, my husband ended up convincing me that he had changed and I decided not to get a divorce. If I cheated on him I dont' know

Answer 1

If you have to ask, the answer's yes. I have a feeling you didn't need to ask the question, though.

Answer 2

In my opinion, you were seperated with a clear intent to divorce him, not cheating! However, not sure what state you are in, but in a Louisiana Court of Law, that would still be considered adultery because you were legally married still! But in my opinion, if that's what you are wanting-you didn't cheat! The only thing you did wrong was go back to a husband who has hurt you so badly, not because of the love but because you didn't want himt o go to jail-anyway, I won't go there-you didn't ask an opinion on that!
Good luck and I'll pray for your safety!
I wouldn't tell him about the relationship anyway, why put yourself in a situation to be physically and mentally abused AGAIN!

Answer 3

Here is the deal with cheating: if you are legally married to someone and you date and engage in sex with another person you are NOT married to- YES, that IS cheating.
Why do you need this explained to you?

And you went back to live with a guy who beats you, spits in your face and verbally abuses you? And you protected him from being jailed for beating a woman?

You need a therapist. You have real issues.
Here is a link about domestic violence.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/domesticviolence.html

Your husband is a sick person and you need to get out of this relationship. Make a safety plan, get out and don't hook up with any other men until you've had some counselling.
Goos luck.

Answer 4

Honestly my dear you did not cheat on him because you were seperated at the time..So don't worry about it..the thing i want to tell you is.i'm a man 38years old and let me tell you from the bottom of my heart that people don't change.He is a wife beater and will allways be..so please do yourself a favor and leave him and never look back..if he ends up going to jail good for him .he should have never hit you in the first place.I have ex friends that are exactly like him and they never change..oh sure they'll tell you they changed and a few month down the road you are right back where you started getting beatings and taking mental abuse.As a human being you don't need to tolerate any abuse and you deserve to live a normal life without pain and mental abuse..If him going back to jail is what it takes to get him out of your life then so be it..Move with a friend and don't tell him where you are going and hide for a while..i helped a friend of mine do this a few years ago..she was so tiered and he had her convinced she was responsible for the beating..well let me tell you something NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO NO ONE deserves to be hit or mentally abused..get help from someone..before he kills you or you end up in hosptial with permanent scars that you will need to see every day in the mirror..please take my advice and get out before it's too late.

Answer 5

Be very careful now. If you decide to go back with him, and he finds out about what you did from a third party, he might get so mad that could hurt you bad, or even kill you.

I particularly think you should have filed for divorce and get his sorry as$ in jail. He doesn’t deserve you, and I don’t think you deserve to be treated like he does.

If you are going to give him a chance, go ahead, but I recommend you think about what you are getting into. If is up to me, I would tell him what happened, but not in private, is better to do it in a public place as he might have a bad reaction and hurt you.

And you must make sure you make him understand you did what you did because of him, it is all his fault. Because you are human and are not perfect, and we all make mistakes. If he is going to be mad, it should be with himself.

I don’t know why you are still with him, but you must confront him and be honest, and let him decide if he is going to be committed and never hurt you again.

As far as I can see, that was not a real cheating, but more like an escape from reality. As I said, you are human, and you need a break. And it is his fault, and you should not punish yourself for it. Just learn from the mistake, but don’t take it too bad because the one responsible is him.

Good luck, and be very careful.

Answer 6

technically you did but how come he was so abusive? if he is as bad as you say going back with him was a mistake,but if there is more to the story than what u r telling then i think that you didn t really cheat since u were separated nevertheless judging from everything i have read your best bet would be to divorce he needs to change his ways and you need to know what you want and the amount of crap you will take in a relationship otherwise u r only going to regret going back to him in the first place.

Answer 7

Any man that treats you like he treats you is a criminal. You need to put him in jail where he belongs. We can excuse a rare incidence of anger,we should not excuse a continued pattern of mental and physical abuse. If he finds out about having sex with another man he might kill you or justify his abuse by blaming you. As far as your question did you cheat the answer is no. Feeling good is better than feeling bad. Have more good times.

Answer 8

No you didn't cheat on him, but you are cheating yourself by being with this person. If you think he's going to change, you are sadly mistaken. He will probably kill you eventually. He does not love you, he does not respect you, and the sad part is that you don't love and respect yourself. You care more about him going to jail than you care about yourself. Thats real sad. I hope that you will get some major counseling because God really does love you and he has someone made just for you, who will treat you like a human being, instead of an animal.

Answer 9

Don't go back to him. Abusive (physically and mentally) men don't change. You did not cheat!! Let him down easily, they settle with the new guy. Do what you have to do, just make a good decision. Don't take anymore trash from him. Say goodbye to this life and enter a new one. You are a so much better person, you're too good for him. He makes you cry on the inside doesn't he? Don't love a jerk who hurts you, remember that.

Answer 10

I don't think that your question should be about whether or not you cheated......it should be more concentrated on your relationship as a whole. You SHOULD NOT be putting up with physical abuse, point blank. You definately SHOULD NOT be keeping this abuse from his parole officer, there's a reason he's on probation I assume. You really should seek some help. I wish you the best.

Answer 11

Well, if there is one thing I can start out with to say is that he will eventually go back to his abusive ways, and you should get out while you still can. Secondly, if he has done this before, what makes you thik he wont do it again? I dated this girl and she would be described exactly how your husband was described. She tried to convince me to go back and I tested her with a simple lie: I made out with a girl after we had broken up. she flipped out and went right back to being the same way she was before. Honestly, to answer your question, I think cheating is wrong under any circumstance now, but you would have definetly had the right to sleep with anyone you want to when you are apart from him like that. But I would test him with a safe plan. Tell him what you did with like your mother or someone close to you on the phone. Hide the phone so they can hear whats going on. Tell him and if he gets violent have backup come and that will prove once and for all if he is going to be like this. I just want to help you out so you dont waste your life with someone like I did. I want you to know for sure if he has changed for the better. Good luck, and once again, I think you had every right to "cheat" on him.