I have recently found out through looking at my boyfriends pc that he has been searching for shemales, shemale agencys and escorts on the internet. We have been together for over a year and in this time he has never really been interested in sex with me. I asked him about it and he said that he was curious. Men, can you give me your advise and any profesionals please help me as I am freaked out by this....
2007-03-09 08:37:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hi Shroom,
The fact that you and your boyfriend have been together for over a year and that he has never been interested in sex with you is a pretty important fact.
While it might be possible that he simply has little interest in sex (such people DO exist), the fact that he has been visiting shemale sites/agencies on the internet makes that seem unlikely. For me, though, it would be helpful to know whether he visited these sites over a period of a couple of days or if this is a more regular pattern and he is visiting the sites much more regularly.
Unless you know that this is a regular pattern, you might not yet have enough information to come to a conclusion about your boyfriend's orientation. However, it is possible that he might be going through a time where he is slowly beginning to realize things about himself that he never knew before -- and perhaps starting to figure out why he doesn't seem to have much sexual interest towards women. If this is true, it's likely something that he does not want to admit to himself.
But again, it's difficult to say until you start noticing certain behavior as a pattern rather than a one-time thing. It could, indeed, just have been a result of curiosity. A couple of times, I've visited a couple of straight porn websites just to see what sorts of things are there, even though I'm completely gay and had no sexual interest in what I saw there. The difference in my case, though, is that even though I visited a straight porn website out of curiosity, I have always been interested in sex with my partner. The fact that your boyfriend is not interested makes me suspect that he could be gay and does not want to realize or admit this.
Hope this helps you somewhat!
(I also agree with Danielle's answer, which discusses this as a sexual fetish. This is also a helpful way to view the situation and is another explanation of what may be going on here.)
2007-03-09 08:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by DavidGC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She already HAS approached him about it.
Now, my dear, what your boyfriend has is a fetish. Nothing more, really. He is turned on by a female body with a penis attached. There is no way to really tell how far he wants to go with it, but that's just what it is--a fetish.
There are a lot of fetishes out there that many people just aren't comforable with, but that doesn't mean that there's something WRONG with the person who has the fetish. Some people are fascinated with feet. Others wear diapers. So what? It's just a kink someone has.
Unfortunately, in your case I think, you don't possess a penis. This complicates the sex for him. Honestly, most men with a "shemale" fetish have some kind of latent bisexuality or homosexuality that they don't want to admit to, for whatever reason.
My suggestion: be with him and be supportive. Talk it out with him. He's probably just as freaked out as you are, but he's freaked out that somebody knows about his fetish.
2007-03-09 16:46:01 · answer #2 · answered by Danielle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
strange huh ...
I see this as similar to the problems many of us face in relationships today ... only with a kind-of-a fetish twist ... often the persons we lie to the most are those closest to us ... weather he is or isnt it does not change the person you know ... and even if he is attracted to shemales it doesnt mean he wants to get together with one ... it may just be the idea that turns him on ... now we get into the area of whats acceptable for you, if you can't live with the fact that he may have an attracton for that sort of thing, you need to get out ... but if you are willing to accept him for who he is, you are ready to become honest in your relationship ... he may have felt this way for a long time and is somehow trying to find out if he can trust you with information about himself that he has never told anyone ... whatever you do, do it in a caring way, and know that how you deal with it will effect all his relationships from here on out, and yours too ... do you love him? and what does love mean to you? do you want to grow from this? or make it a negative situation for all involved
he may not be the right guy for you ... but you can let him know that you care about him and you support him in finding out what is right for him ... and in turn, that will be whats right for you
2007-03-09 16:40:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be freaked out. Your boyfriend is not heterosexual. He is not interested in sex with females. He probably doesn't even quite realize it himself yet, but he will. It's time to move on. Well, it was time to move on about a year ago, but better late than never, right?
2007-03-09 16:46:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What I really am curious about is why you are so hung up on one guy who isn't interested with you? I don't care what reason he has for being with you, you just said more about yourself than you did about him. What are you? His groupy?
Come on now! Dump him. Do everyone a favor, don't get into another relationship until you find out why you put up with him for a WHOLE YEAR!
You can do better, but don't try until you get in touch with whatever that is inside your skull.
2007-03-09 17:04:06 · answer #5 · answered by Christian Sinner 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
good advice here. the only professional that can help you is a therapist for yourfself, to help you with the break-up. He may be bi, but sounds like he's gay to me... there is a long talk in your future in any case. Wonder if he WANTED you to find those sites? easier than telling you outright...
2007-03-09 16:47:59 · answer #6 · answered by tomi27410 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you know what's going on, but you don't want to face it. I'm sorry, hon, but it's probably time to move on with your life.
2007-03-09 17:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by Kristi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just becareful......he maybe wanting to roam. He also may be bi....or full blown in the closet gay. Consider this. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-09 17:02:59 · answer #8 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to move.
2007-03-09 17:04:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
block the sites from the internet & see whether he confronts you about them, or the other option - confront him yourself
2007-03-09 16:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by ♥H] ッ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋