i dont know what to do-i have loved him truly and deeply..he cud never see it ..all he saw was only negativity in everything..but i cant fully blame him for that as his family conditioned his mind that way...we drifted apart but again got together.. but what i thoght was love, turned out to be manipulations and lies...to fulfull certain motives...now i have lost all the faith...since it was broken over and over again...but deep inside i still love him when ever i see any hope that he will mend his ways..but i get scared thinking that after a while he would change again n leave me in a lurch..if i cant agree to his or his family`s unreasonable conditions....which keeps mounting up.. i would be told to leave even on some minor pretext ...i have done everything i could to build this marriage again and again..but now i feel completely shattered..being betrayed by the one who i have loved the most..he who caused me tremendous pain..i dont know how to carry on with life now..what do i do..
2007-03-09 08:35:44 · 19 answers · asked by Neetz n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what would u have done if u were me???
i`d appreciate suggestions from indian women please.
2007-03-09 08:38:37 · update #1
what would u have done if u were me???
i`d appreciate suggestions from indian women please..hoping for a few words to build my inner strength...to face life...
2007-03-09 08:40:42 · update #2
thanks fro ur answers..somhowe things are rather messed up at my end.... dont want to discuss anything with anyone in person as i know i wont be able to hold my tears back that would be very embarrasing.....this is the only place where i can talk my heart out .........and i do thank u for sharing ur views....GOD BLESS!!!
2007-03-11 10:56:32 · update #3
This is not the right place for advice on something this deep. I would ask you to please email me and we could talk more deeply. You state things but there are many questions that need to be answered before advice can be forthcoming.
I had an idea you were dealing with something outside of Western religion. My husband is Indian, from Kerala, so I might know a bit of what you deal with culturally.
I promise to answer you if you take this step.
You are, at this moment, an emotional wreck. I can feel and see that in your words. You do need some help and I would be happy to help if you contact me. I know many in here want to help you but they are not aware of your cultural traditions. This was an arranged marriage I imagine and these present entirely different challenges from marriages in the West. When an arranged marriage is good, it is wonderful, but when it is bad, it is a horror for the woman more often than the man.
You cannot change what does not WANT to be changed. Start right there please. Face that reality! You say you are broken. We have all been there. But we fix ourselves over time and move on. NO ONE IS BROKEN UNLESS THEY LET IT BE THAT WAY.
2007-03-09 08:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by Noor al Haqiqa 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You pick yourself up from the ashes and you move on. This is the mistake, I and many people before have made, and will make....and that is putting any one person above your own well being. You make another person "the most important thing in your life" and you are asking for pain. I'm not saying we should be selfish, but we should love ourselves enough to demand the ones with us love and respect us too. This hurts now, but consider it a very valuable lesson on how to get through difficulties, and still live to tell about it. He is not the only man in the world. Maybe there is another out there, right now perhaps, wondering where "the one" is, and here you are wasting time with a loser so he can't get to you. Take heart. Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger, and that is the rock solid hard truth. Seriously. Of course you are shattered. Everything you wanted and know is gone. And you feel like the breath is knocked out of you. But you will rise up again, and when you do, you'll know that the greatest love of all, is to love yourself enough to accept into your life, what's best for YOU. Good luck!
2007-03-09 16:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is heartwrenching!! It's not really clear whether you are already married to this man. Customs in India are very different than here, though. There is so much emphasis on staying together no matter what.
I'm in the US. If it were me, and someone betrayed me over and over again, I would (and did) leave and divorce him.
But, yaar, you can't change anyone but yourself. Putting your faith in someone who has proved they can't be trusted to keep it is impossible - the result will always be the same. Please do talk to someone and give them all the details, whether there are children involved, what the conditions are that he and his family impose on you. But you are right, they could just come up with any reason and make him leave you. There are better men out there... you just have a bad apple.
2007-03-09 16:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by Christy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
According to a research study at Ohio university, people are born with the genes and hormones that cause predetermined behavior. Because of the findings, the issues you have described can only be resolved by the proper medical diagnosis and treatment.
People do not realize how many problems could be avoided if they would only recognize the medical nature of their problems.
2007-03-09 23:35:05 · answer #4 · answered by Yarnlady_needsyarn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this situation has to end, the only way is to go away from him. u need to know that u can believe in him, that he won't hurt u, u need to feel safe, and u don't. if u have done your best, don't feel u are to blame when u leave it. we are all responsible for us, and our own happiness, don't let people destroy u, leave him and start over in life. leave him before he emotionally destroys u. betrayal is one of the things we don't get over, even though u still love him, love is just not enough. seems as if its a one sided love, with u giving and him deceiving and hurting u. if he won't stand up for u or give u what u need in life, what good is he?
2007-03-09 16:44:14 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am? I have some advice, to give you. But you have to be willin' to follow it, all the way to the end. But the Final Chapter, is a happy one. Love is suppose to come from The Heart. Your Heart? As well as his. His wasn't involved? But you weren't listening to yours. `Cause it clearly would've told you to watch out. Heart is unable to lie. If your true to yourself? You're not gonna EVER be deceived. But you have to offer that Heart. To only someone who has their Heart, for you> You offered yours, for any number of reasons. But you never stopped, long enough to see the other side. Now go with your Heart. `Cause there is someone, who is really anxious to meet you. And give you the kindness, Love, respect. And Joy? That you so rightfully deserve. Take care.
2007-03-09 16:44:17 · answer #6 · answered by Goggles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
*Sigh*....stinks doesn't it? No one can cause pain and heartache like someone you love. It isn't the end of the world my dear. Re-evaluate and as you said he betrayed you so I can only suggest you write him off. One thing though. You put a lot of effort into saving this. Unfortunately it failed. Just know this...you did everything you could to make it work. No one can accuse you of just giving up.
Good luck.
2007-03-09 16:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear i under stand .and i,m feel sorry /byt no women should have to go through this it is hard to to de side what to do . you have tried every thing you could .to h....with his family you didn,t marry them .look in to your heart there you well find your answer. hun what do you want to do ?live this way or find some one that well treat you better.it is hard to let go i know but some times this is the only way we can find happeness..look well close what you have wrote to us on the internet i think you have answered your own question. i wish you all the happeness in the world go find it .
2007-03-09 17:04:48 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, be strong. You don't want to be manipulated, and I think you have given him permission to do this...he must say and do things you love to hear. But you have given away the key to your happiness. Don't ever let anyone hold that key again except yourself. Stand tall, be strong, don't waver and leave him alone.
2007-03-09 16:42:51 · answer #9 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a scene I know all too well...it's been a rough 2 yrs next month , that my reality hit...I've been alone, had time to get over it ..& life is better ...it's wonderfull...I wish I hadn't of lost so many years with him, but...?
best to you honey...I hope you have family & friends...my friends saved my life...I could not have done what I did without their support....
2007-03-09 17:13:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋