Husband has NO sex drive, please help!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for two years (been together for 3). We started out like every other couple. The beginning had all of the usual....sex, lust, love, cuddling, etc... However, for the past year, the sex has almost become totally absent! I have asked him if it is me, but he says "no". That's great, but at the same time offers nothing more and immediately changes the subject. Here are a few facts: (positive and negative)
1. He drinks 2-4 vodka drinks per night.
2. He works out in the gym daily.
3. He has many interests (obviously other than me)
4. He is a wonderful dad
5. We are "best friends" and get along GREAT in every aspect of the marriage, except this.
6. He likes to look at "adult pics" of women online
7. I am 90% positive he is NOT cheating.
So, there you have it.......my delima. I am a 38 year old female (he is also 38) and I am not ready to give up this part of my life. However, I am not willing to give up my family for the alternative either!

Answer 1

Have you denied him to the point where it is not worth the effort?

Just after I hit 40 I can take it or leave it. It is just not worth the effort.

Answer 2

Is the Vodka consumption an estimate?

a 2-4 drink a day is generally an indication of habitual (if not addictive drinking.)

Alcohol does a couple of things physiologically. It reduces serum testosterone in the blood system. Serum testosterone is a key hormone in "sexual drive".

If he is "looking" at porn on the net another possibility is he is masturbating excessively and knows he can't perform when YOU want him too.

Is he willing to discuss it? as in see a counselor?

Sex is an important "part" of a relationship, If he has no interest "in You" but does in porn, I'd start to wonder if there maybe some excesses, (in addition to the alcohol dependence/alcoholism). that may in fact be causing the rift.

Moderate the booze, TV, and Computer and see what happens.

Try once a week date nights without kids.. Nothing fancy just out of the house for coffee and dinner. Then when the kids are in bed come on hot and heavy with lingerie, and heavy petting.

Answer 3

there the plm you knew him for 3 years before you got married for 2 years correct. If so then you knew what he is like.. sad part he been drinking vodka 2 to 4 per night??? and does work out all the time a nd so that mean he too tired for you.. and I don't think he is cheating...

I think his body going changes when get older then it shows taht not same as before... so my wife said the same thing to me and she said that you not like before I guess my body getting old and hurt and back sugery all that.. things happen... I know my sex drive will not be stopped forever.. I always find a way to do better with my wife... and try do something fun and try something new.. that might help your husband get in to... i mean not noraml sex but something you and your husband never done before wnat to try?? so I have try so many new things that my wife want to try and I got really oh boy I would love to try that... rent movies and see how they do it. and learn it.. I am not joking at all.

Answer 4

What's the deal with these guys with no sex drive. My wife has me on a once a week schedule and it kills me.

I drink 1 - 3 stiff bourbons a night and I'm hornier than a dog most of the time.

In the midnight hour... I want more, more, more.... chicka dendl dent daaa

Answer 5

A man can have times where he either does not feel attractive or finds his mate un attractive. Sometimes it passes, sometimes it don't.

Try something frisky. Don't bother with the lingeria(sp?), it only gets in the way, a nice pair of un-granny panties, and some imagination will go far.

Above all, tease him, but don't let him. Make him want/demand some before you give in.

Answer 6

Have his testosterone level checked, which can be done in a blood test. Might be just low hormone levels. Is he incredibly stressed from a new job or anything? Relationships are always evolving, so it might just be a passing thing that adjusts on its own. Have you tried to switch it up some in the romance area? or maybe switch him to whiskey (which might sound crazy to some people).

Answer 7

i hear ya. and although i'm not married, my boyfriend i have a similar dillema. i really had to sit down and talk to him about. i went to therapy because the lack of any kind of affection makes me feel crappy. i mean, it'd be different if he didn't do all that stuff, like your husband does-pics, and obvious other interests etc. but it really kind of wounds my ego and really hurts my feeling especially because if anything, i've got too much drive! we talked about it and i explained that it hurt me that things had changed, and he didn't realize he made me feel that way. talk about between the two of you or go to therapy. ask why he's not being intimate. by bf and i had to try some new stuff. ;) but he pays more attention to how i'm feeling. best of luck to you

Answer 8

Is he aware of how you feel, is communication a problem as well? You need to talk to him about your feelings & get his responses. Are you comfortable with his nightly drinking (more than 2 can be unhealthy), or his online porn?
Counselling for yourself may assist you with coping strategies or empower you to make decisions.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Your story sounds very familiar to some of my girlfriends'.
However, as long as you both still love each other then i don't think you should worry too much about it. His sex drive might be off peak right now. Makeover your bed room, or just be patient and stay looking sexy to him. He'll be back soon...Good luck!

Answer 10

Here's what you can do.....
*dress up in lingerie (sounds simple, but can be effective)
*ask him to stop having so much alcohol, as an excessive amount can lead to impotence
*talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel. It may seem embarrassing, but it really could help out the both of you in the long run.