I have told her repeatedly that it it isn't a good idea for obvious reasons. He told her that he is 'getting a divorce' but when I asked if she has seen any papers, she said no. He 'claims' to have moved out, but there is no communication between the two of them except email because apparently his cell phone is attached to a corporate account of his wifes account. My immediate reaction to this was B***S***. He could get another phone, under his name. They have been seeing each other for about 8+ months. She is totally in love with him. I have recently found out who the wife is and I have her contact information. Should I tell the wife? I want more than anything to get my girlfriend away from this guy. He is scum and I think totally lying to her..not to mention to his WIFE. I also asked her what makes her think that he wouldn't do the same thing to her and her reply was...He loves me. I wanted to gag. I am afraid that if I try to end this..I will lose my friend. What can I do?
2007-03-09 07:11:14 · 25 answers · asked by blondie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Update...my girlfriend has the biggest heart and has been there for me through thick and thin. She would walk through fire for me...she has high morals and values...I don't need to pick a better friend. When she met this guy, she was going through a rut and she intially said it was going to be casual (he also didn't tell her he was married staright away). This only came after they had been seeing each other for a spell. I have seen how things like this can crush a person. My girlfriend has been on the receiving end of false information in my opinion. I see her struggling with this and she has tried to end it on SEVERAL occassions, but he just cries and asks her to wait a little longer. This is not in her character at all. I just wanted everyone to know she really is a great person, but she just isn't in a good spot right now.
2007-03-09 07:39:33 · update #1
Well—there’s not much for you to do. It is her life and she chooses to do this to herself. Don’t’ encourage her and make sure that she knows that you DO NOT support her on this. You’ve done enough…. Eventually, she will get hurt and learn from it. Sad, but it’s true.
Be proud of yourself for not agreeing with her that shows a lot of the kind of person you are.
SMILE!!!!
2007-03-09 07:23:10 · answer #1 · answered by L!LO 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This story saddens me. I have many doubts in marriage and hearing stories like this make me disgusted where to the point I don't want to get married. I know you must feel angry and outraged at some point. However, you have to realize that it is your friend's doing as well as this scum who is involved with her. As much as you want this to stop and tempted to tell on his wife, you just need to be a friend and stand by her. Your friend will get hurt no matter what the outcome is. If you value your friendship, let it flow. You can give her advice and your own opinion about the whole situation, but do not decide anything for her or act on her behalf. If all things fall apart and your friend need a shoulder to cry on, be there for her. Do not encourage the situation and do not discourage the situation either. You are not your friends protector, your friend is not 5yr old child. Just be there for her. I think that's what friends are for. Good luck!!
2007-03-09 15:40:06 · answer #2 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this situation as well. My best friend was seeing a man who was still married but was "getting a divorce". I told her from the get go to stay away because I didn't want her to be a rebound. Well she told me she wouldn't get too serious and would just have fun. So she continued to see him, meeting him at hotels, calling only his work etc until 5 months down the line she was completely infatuated with him. I reminded her of what I said originally but she told me that the divorce was around the corner, he was going to leave his wife and move in with her etc. So in order to protect my friend, I met with this guy. I approached him not as Christine's friend but as a single lady. He used the exact same line with me saying he was getting divorced and really needed someone right now. So i agreed to meet him for dinner and I brought my best friend. To say the least, she no longer is seeing him and from what I know, he is still married. I say do what is in your heart and if your best friend is truly that, she will understand whatever you did was to protect her. If she ditches you for the guy then you are better off in the end. Good Luck!
2007-03-09 15:30:23 · answer #3 · answered by Rebekah B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give your friend the information, and let her contact the wife and talk it over. It will give her a chance to verify what her boyfriend is saying. If you do it, it will look like you're getting in the middle, but if you let her do it, then she can get the information without you having to cause problems.
And if you contact the wife and it turns out that the boyfriend is telling the truth, you can't even imagine the problems you might be causing for everyone.
2007-03-09 17:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well me personally, I would try to convince my friend to stop. My friend just recently had an abortion because she was involved with a married man and his wife started stalking her. So just try to best way can to convince her. I wouldn't go to his wife. You nver know how she will react. She can be the crazy type if you know what I mean. So as far as you contacting his wife, no! But I would keep trying to put it through her head that he is no good for her.
If it's been over 8 months, then evidently there are no plans for him to leave his wife.
2007-03-09 15:24:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch that is a very tough situation. I can understand your concern for your friend but she could be very upset with you if she finds out you told the wife. Does she know you have the wife's contact info or know who the wife is? If not, then tell the wife but do it anonymously! Send her a typed letter to her address with no return address. Otherwise if there is *any* chance your friend could find out you told then just leave it alone. Sometimes people need to find out for themselves. You sound like a good friend, I hope it all works out and your friend wakes up and gets out of this situation.
2007-03-09 15:18:26 · answer #6 · answered by Vivita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right but, this is out of your control. Your friend is living in a fantasy world and it will soon come crashing down around her. However, this is not your place to say anything to anyone. I think you should pick your friends better. Try to hang out with people who have the same values.
2007-03-09 15:31:09 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two points stand out for me from your question:
1. Your friend is knowingly involved with a married man.
2. If you mention the affair to the wife, you might lose your friend.
In other words, your friend is someone who not only would knowingly date a married man, but she would even end a friendship with you for trying to help her.
It sounds to me like you need a better class of friends. Personally, I choose not to call people who steadfastly make poor moral decisions "friends" and you would do well to stop doing so. Normally, the best friends we make in life are people who share similar values, and who exhibit a similar maturity level. Many other factors can be very different (rich with poor, ugly with pretty, free-wheeling with introvert, genius with ditz) and you can still have an excellent friendship. But with such a big gulf in values and maturity, it is pointless for you to wish to hang on to this friendship.
2007-03-09 15:27:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, don't call the wife. Stay out of it. What will end up happening is that you will turn out to be the bad guy instead of the two people who are actually doing something that they shouldn't.
Your friend is just going to have to learn the lesson the hard way.
2007-03-09 15:16:15 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would do a nice little call to the wife..She has the right to know...and your friend needs to grow up, married men are off limits...If the single women would leave the married men alone and vis-versa, then no one would cheat...she will be mad at you if you tell her but i wouldn't care they are both doing something wrong and both needs to be punished.
2007-03-09 15:27:27 · answer #10 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not a good idea for you to contact the wife, its really not your business, you have tried to tell your friend, thats all you can do. And the husband never leaves the wife for the girlfriend, it doesnt work that way, I know.
2007-03-09 15:23:29 · answer #11 · answered by Jennifer H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋