swinging or not?

Question

will it mess up opur marriage if we decide to have others join us for one night. we want to experiment but i'm afraid that it might ruin things. has anyone else been through this, did it ruin your marriage?

Answer 1

My husband and I did this once. Only 3 months ago, so it is still in my mind from time to time. I love my husband dearly.

It started with talking about fantasys. Then we decided to take it one step further. OR at least I did. He went along with it. He never asked questions or encouraged me to find someone. I did it all on my own. Yes he was ok with it.

I put an add on an adult web site. We met a lady in a hotel room in between our towns. She was very nice. I had talked to her on the phone as well as online. I also made sure she was older and bigger than i. She was also not very attractive.

I told this woman about what I wanted to have happen. She assured me that I would be in TOTAL CONTROL.

The experience.... well, first of all, I must admit that I did like watching her performing oral on my husband. I liked watching a lot of it. The lady, as well as my husband wouldn't do anything without first asking me. And, yes, I was very much involved.

The problem..... I did make rules prior to the evening. MY husband seemed to follow them pretty well. But, at one point when they were kissing each other. He was kissing her the way that I had been missing being kissed by him. I had been requesting him toi kiss me more passionate and more offten. So, when he kissed her, it hurt. IT hurt bad.

My husband said he was just caught up in the moment. And that he was sorry for hurting me, but he was also releived that he could kiss her without any feelings what so ever. The more I thought about it. The more I pictured it in my mind... he was making darn sure he was pleasing her. I asked him about it. His responce was that he pretty much was on an ego trip. He knew he could please his wife. He wanted to prove it to himself that he could still please another woman.

I told my husband that it seemed like he was having sex with 2 women. Not his wife and another woman. I felt as if at some points he put her pleasure before my feelings. Yes, he has apologized many many times. But, it still does not take away what had happened.

Don't get me wrong, I think that our relationship has grown closer than before. It's just sad that it took this to do it.

I also miss talking about our fantasys. That is what they were before we acted apon them. Prior to this when we would talk about what we would like to do, we would have some really fun filled nights.

That is what they are fantasys.... leave them that way. And if you decide to go through with this. Make rules. No kissing. No cuddling. etc. All it takes is for your husband to do one thing that you are longing for him to do to you. Also, if you go through with it, your husband needs to know NOT to comment on the woman. My husband did say one thing about her body, that he had never said about mine. Yes, I still bring it up from time to time. Good luck.

Answer 2

Hi! we are a very happy married couple for 11 years who has been having 3somes for 2 and a half years and because we have a strong marriage with complete trust no jealousy issues and are honest and upfront as well as respectful of any ground rules that we have set up it has been wonderful and very fun! if you guys are doing things to spice up a dead marriage, to fix a bad one or under pressure from one another then this is not for you guys! it has added more fun and a new level of sexuality to our marriage we were all ready a very sexual couple enjoying being together 4 or more times a week so it was not like we needed spicing up and our marriage was solid and great so it has only made it better! you must both have a true and complete understanding that sex does not =LOVE! so unless you get that entirely and know it in your heart and your head then it will not go well! sit down and really talk about this and what your rules might be some couples have many from no kissing to no actual penetration of the other partner just do a lot of talking and go to the swingers board and ask all the questions you want they will be able to help you ! good luck and have fun!

Answer 3

You should always go with your gut instinct. If you feel it will cause problems then it probably will. I have never been in a relationship where my spouse and I brought someone in, but I was the girl that was brought in. The people I did it with had been together 19 years. I was friends with both of them. They had always been swingers. They did not do it all together, but they would go out on their own and sleep with other people. It worked for them. It doesn't work for everyone. They never went out with someone else without okaying it with each other. If you are going to do it, it should be discussed very thoroughly. If either of you are jealous or insecure I can guarantee it will not work. If you do go for it remember that there is always the possibility of pregnancy and disease. It is not all it is cracked up to be though. If you love your girl you shouldn't need someone else. If you do do it,make sure you pay more attention to your girl than the other girl. Especially the first few times.

Answer 4

It will totally destroy it,I cant think of a single couple who has been married 50 yrs who has swung since their first yr of marriage.It never ends well.One spouse ends up with another partner a little cuter and a little better in bed,or one or both trun gay, jealousy esnues, divorce and sometimes murder.Then theres the phsychos, the guy who stalks or the girl who goes off her birth control so your husband will get her pregnant.Then theres the disease issue.If you are going to live such a sick perverted lifestyle, then get yourselves steralized, and if you have any kids, do the right thing and adopt them out.One thing they will learn if they grow up with you is that sex is just for pleasure and there is NO responsibility attached,your actions speak louder than words and your sons will hump anything they can and your daughters will to.They will follow your examples, but take much less caution.

Answer 5

My husband and I have been doing it for about two years. I think it really depends on the relationship as to whether it will pose problems in the future. Are you and your wife both 100% sure you want to do this? If either of you have any doubts then it is not a good idea! If you do decide to do it, be sure to set boundaries and stick to them no matter what.

Answer 6

I haven't, but my EX-wife and I considered it. ... not a good plan, my man. The potential gain is just not worth the possible risk of ruining everything. Just the idea ruined my marriage and it took years before it was apparent that it had any effect. My advice - don't!

Alternative solution: role play = doctor/nurse, batman/catwoman (?), etc ...

Answer 7

first if you are going to do this (and there isn't anythign wrong with it, it can be fun) you need to establish ground rules between you and your partner.

You need to determine what is acceptable, and what is off limits. When you find the people you want to have fun with, you bring them in, and both speak to them at the same time. You explain this is just for fun, it may happen again or it may never happen again, it is not love, it is fun. You make that PERFECTLY clear.

As your night goes on you (the female) sets the pace. you do what you think is comfortable and don't be rushed. You stick to your ground rules, you check with your partner if they are doing ok, you examine how you are feeling and what you are thinking.

Afterward you need to sit down and discuss it, how it made you feel, what you liked, didn't like would like to change. then go from there.

Answer 8

That's a big can of worms right there. It can open up issues that neither of you even knew you had with one another.

Or it could be a great way to get your rocks off.

Be careful, and I personally wouldn't do it.

Answer 9

Of course it will mess up the sexual aspect of your marriage. You will find someone that is way better than your husband and it'll be over.

Answer 10

we are doing that right now...we have been married for about 9 yrs.....we live with my wifes girl frnd,and we have had 3sums....sum say it will destroy a marriage but i think it has spiced our up quite a bit..lol..i say go for it