my husband and i argue often for nothing. What should i do???

Question

We have a 5month old baby. He prefers to lime with his friends.

Answer 1

If you argue for nothing, the solution is simple: stop arguing. Seriously, it takes two people to have an argument, so if you personally, unilaterally stop arguing, bam, no more argument. I could use more details about what the two sentences following the question have to do with the question; they seem like they were just tacked on for no reason.

Answer 2

I don't answer many of these, but you appear to need a bit of help, here...

(What does, "he prefers to lime (live, slime, grime, spend time, be sublime????) with his friends" mean?)

If you are arguing over nothing, hon, the two of you lack the ability to communicate your needs and wishes,effectively and since there are two of you in this relationship doing it, --- according to your note --- you are heading for problems, big time. When discussions sink into arguments, you need help.

Marriages that are successful have as part of them, respect, admiration, passion and trust, with a whole lot of lovies, consideration, and negotiating skills, than many young people don't have, and skills that are only taught in college courses --- unfortunately, we don't teach these things in high school. (And because of the way this question is phrased, you probably don't yet have your degree, and with a child, you now may never get one.)

In brief, the trick with avoiding arguments is to state what you feel, and what you need, with out being insulting.... " I need some help with....." "I feel that since we don't have a common ground on this issue; we might do well to get an outsider's opinion...." rather than " :Do you know what a total, absolute jerk you are when you do...." "Why in the hell did you do that, are you trying to be stupid?...." " Who the f(l)uck cares what your attitude is, that is just plain the dumbest thing I have ever heard...."

See the difference?

It takes real skill to get your thoughts, and concerns out there on the table to be dealt with, and to resolved without becoming accusatory. ( And, anyone would have to admit, sometimes when things look like they are going south, and the control is gone, the best thing both of you can do is just shut the hell up., and agree to each go away, and talk about it when tempers are dampened...... )

With degrading accusations, the love, respect and admiration one partner has for the other just erodes, until after about 5 years of this stuff, it is all you know of the other, and, you are not married to the same person any more, nor are you the same person any more. Just read some of these questions.

You might find that the best money either of you would spend is in a few sessions of counseling --- just a few --- to learn to negotiating your concerns without tromping on the other guy's ego..

Good luck, hon.

Answer 3

If you have a fine month old, there are probably legitimate things to "argue" over. You and he do not need to pick every single battle, just the important ones.

As far as him prefering time with his friends, don't you prefer to have time with your friends as well? It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be home. He might just need a break once in while. It's all about balance. Don't try to micromanage him, but come to some sort of agreement of what is "fair" to both of you. (Maybe he gets one night to himself for the week, and you get the same.)

Answer 4

Are you arguing for nothing or are you arguing because he doesn't spend time with you and the baby? If it is for nothing, stop. If you are arguing because he doesn't spend time with the baby then you have a problem and unless he is willing to grow up and take responsibility for his family then you are always going to have this problem. Give him a chance to change his ways, tell him how you feel if he doesn't change you might want to think about a divorce because after all you're doing it by yourself anyway.

Answer 5

My husband and I are the same way with an eight month old. There are so many times when I feel like a single parent. The way I see it though it just goes to show the old saying, women mature faster than men.

Answer 6

My husband and I went through something similiar to this when our first baby was born. My mother and his mother said it is natural for a new dad to feel usurped in his position with you after you have a baby, all of your attention is on the baby, their first smile, the funny little things they do, and the hubby gets jealous. I chose to ignore him, and my mom told me to put aside some time for just him each day and things will get better. I took her advise and he stopped being a total @$$ about every thing.

Answer 7

Someone is frustrated. Time for the two of you to discuss what the real issue is - it's never about that which you are fighting.
(By the way, what's liming?)

Answer 8

maybe alcohol, drugs, caffeine, cigarettes. diet. i was like this aguing with my wife, little did i know, or at least think, it was alcohol and caffeine, i learned the hard way in anger mgmt class. im not talking about arguing when drinking but ther week or two after getting thestuff detoxed out of mysystem. both of you should totaly abstain from these substances

Answer 9

Well it seems to me you have a problem that can't be solve, so the way it seems that your husband wants time alone. But that to late because his time wass already limited when he came with a child. So, tell him to straight up or he can go with his friends. But he want have know place to live.

Answer 10

I would just talk to your husband about it. Ask him why he would prefer to hang wiht his friends than you. He must have a reason. Then see if you guys can make a change