What are your thoughts of daddy being present at the birth? Pros and cons?
I'm not pregnant but if and when I am I really don't want my husband at the birth (i'm sure I may change my mind as the time approaches!). I wouldn't want my mum or sister there either -too personal.
Sure I'd like hubby at the hospital so he can bond with the baby, and be the first one to hold him/her if for any reason I can't. But I just don't feel like he needs to witness me go through labour.
My friends say I'm selfish and hubby is (obviously) hurt. He already has a son - he said he wouldn't have missed him being born for the world.
What are your experiences/opinions?
2007-03-09 05:19:34 · 51 answers · asked by Sunday 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Your child being born is one of the most precious things that a parent can witness. I believe that it is very selfish wanting to hold this cherished moment all to yourself. Put yourself in his shoes. I know that you can't miss it, but you wouldn't want to either, now would you? There is nothing personal about having a child. You are letting a doctor and strange nurses see you give birth, so why not the daddy? I guarantee you that he isn't going to be focused on what is happening to your body down there. He is going to be excited about having a new child and concerned about how you are feeling. It's probably like a slap in the face to him that you think it's okay for him to have sex and make a child with you, but not get to see that child be born. When you do get pregnant, it will change. Getting to watch his son or daughter be born is the only thing that a father really can do in the proccess besides conceiving. After carrying the baby for 9 months you will have already developed that special bond with him or her. Give your husband something to bond with your child over as well.
2007-03-09 05:23:33 · answer #1 · answered by Mommy to Boys 6 · 5⤊ 3⤋
I wasn't married to my girl's father but I wouldn't have deprived him of the experience for anything in the world - that moment is unbelievable for either parent! He will also have a renewed appreciation for the process when you are deciding whether to have another child or not. He will also be able to recall the pain and discomfort you will experience after the birth and be more helpful once you bring the baby home.
Personal? Forget about it! You will have several complete strangers coming into the delivery room randomly checking your privates, the progress of dialation, inserting a decathiter (sp?), checking blood pressure, etc all while your legs are propped up for easy access. This will be no time for modesty.
Your husband doesn't actually have to see what is going on if he is by your side giving you support vs. at the end of the bed where all the action is happening.
Good luck and I hope you can come to an agreement you both can live with.
2007-03-09 05:35:57 · answer #2 · answered by head_kase13 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
OK....We just had our first 9 days ago and I got upset everytime my husband had to use the bathroom while I was in labor. I really wanted him there but he felt really bad because everything was going so fast and all he could do was give me ice chips and made sure I had chapstick. He handled it really well and cut the cord! I also had my mom in the room (which I didn't want) I thought that was something that was way too personal too, but now that it is over I am glad we all got to share that experience together. My husband was really worried about me because of the pain and when the doctor had to cut me I ripped so bad I think he thought I was going to split down the middle! I almost didn't have time to get the epidural and my husband was very good through my contractions and through the pushing phase. Giving birth to our son with him there has given us a whole new look on each other and our Love for each other has completely changed. I look at him in a different way than I did before. There is such an intense feeling now as before we had the baby it was just Love, it's hard to explain.
I have an issue with people seeing me in pain and trying to help me when I am in pain, but I am very grateful that I had my husband and mother there.
You are not selfish, but I could see where it would be hurtful to him. It is weird being in a position that no one has ever seen you in before, but you won't care what is going on around you when you are in labor. All I know is I made my mom leave 2 times because she was laughing through my contractions and I wanted to smack her, but other than that it all worked out and I have a beautiful baby boy and a husband that is so happy he got to experience the birth of our son first hand.
You will make your decision when the time comes, but just remember you will want the love and support at that time!!!
2007-03-09 05:38:22 · answer #3 · answered by MyOpinionMatters 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
I've had two kids and as we had both agreed, my husbands was not present on either occasion. He waited at home until things were really moving at which point the hospital staff called him. He waited in the hospital until the babies were born and then came to see us.
I suppose the main reason for that is that in the country I come from, it is absolutely not the custom for men to be present at the birth and to me it seemed weird.
Yes, giving birth hurts but it hurts regardless of who is present and hospital staff gave me as much support as I needed.
I don't see how that affected my husband bonding with the babies considering he saw then minutes after they were born and has shared their care ever since.
He wasn't best pleased when i first told him that i would rather he wasn't there and insisted he wanted to be involved in my care which is kind of appropriate considering....he's an obstetrician. But he came round.
I suppose that his job helped: other men may be curious to see how it happens, what it's like but since he sends his days seeing women give birth, he's more than used to it and views the whole thing in a very matter of fact way.
2007-03-10 03:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by prisca m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember feeling similar, but when I was actually pregnant I began to realise that I would appreciate support and company. In the end I am glad he was there, labour is a while new and rather overwhelming experience, having hubby there reassuring. Sure, he couldn't do anything except hold my hand, but he was there and was familiar at least!! The midwives are great, but they are not the same. Its nice to have the closest person in your life there to share not just the pain, but the joy as well.
After all, you married him, isn't that for better or for worse? You'll get both extremes with labour and birth!!!
2007-03-09 08:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is the strangest thing I've ever heard. Sorry to be rude. You're saying that birth is to personal for your closest family and loved ones to be near you, but you'd share that with strangers? You know, they don't have to watching your vagina, they can be holding your hand and don't have to look at your genitles at all. Most women are in labour for a LONG time, its a long painful time to be alone.
I'm not sure if I would say its selfish, but sorry to say, if I were you're in-laws I just might call you a cruel harpy. Hurt, I'm surprised your husband would ever entertain the idea of risking getting you pregnant.
He loves you, want to protect you, help you, be there for you, and wants to be there to see the birth of the life he helped create and you're denying him that because why?
You don't need a 5 ring circus, but I think once you're pregnant and birth is a LOT more real you'll be embarrassed that you felt the way you feel now.
2007-03-09 05:44:00 · answer #6 · answered by Noota Oolah 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty, childbirth is just as joyous a moment for the men as it is the women. I think that the father has the right to be in the delivery room and witness the birth of their child. They can be a huge help to the mother. My husband was there for the births of our son's and I loved him being there. I wouldn't have wanted to do it without him. He was a great support for me. He did more than just sit on his duff and wait. He rubbed my back and belly during contractions, he wet my face with a cool washcloth, he held my hand and comforted me. He was wonderful. Even if he didn't do all those things, he still had the right to be there for the birth. He held my leg when pushing and gave me great words of encouragement during that time and the look on his face when he cut the cord & seen his sons for the first time was priceless!! I can't tell you what you should do, like you said maybe your mind will change before the big day. I wish you luck.
2007-03-09 05:31:38 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Personally, would have liked to have had the opportunity to
"share" in the event -- couldn't do it in my era.
Who was there when the child was conceived (hopefully,
conceived in love)why was his presence desired then ?,
Who cuddled and comforted when the puking and miserable
personality changes were going on -- why did you what him to
put up with that crap ? ---------- a lot of this stuff was very personal
did you think to call in the doctor (hubby could've waited in the living room).
Now the Miracle rolls around, the true "climax" of the whole
event, you don't want papa there .. Hurt you bet you sweet a**
almost an unforgiveable hurt. Perhaps you could haave your
"too personal" Doctor (non-human) prescribe a pain pill for hubby.
2007-03-09 05:46:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from but I do also believe you are selfish. I know it is an extremely personal thing, but he made the child as well and you need all the support you can get. This way a man gets to see exactly what you went through delivering a baby. My man came in with me when i had a c-section. He had 3 previous children with another woman..but he wanted to be there for me and for the babies (twins) He almost passed out in the OR but his support meant everything to me.
2007-03-09 06:52:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well im 7 months in and have decided that i dont want my mom or sisters their either.I want my partner to be there but i feel very conscious about it.Your friends are wrong.It is not selfish.They are not exactly great things if they judge you on this matter.Its not like you have banned your hubby from holding or even seeing the baby so there shouldnt be any fuss.I also have a two year old son,and i felt worried about my partner being there so i made him wait outside until the baby was almost out.I think its completely up to you whether you let him in.When the baby is born its first about the mum and child so that is a pro about him not being there.
I hope this helps and good luck if you become pregnant.
2007-03-09 05:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋