Can there possibly be LEVELS of LESBIANISM?

Question

I went to a friends bday party this past saturday and we always have really great debates/conversations when all 14 of us get together. And one of my more "free-spirited" friends feels as if there are multi layers of lesbianism and that she is a moderate level lesbian, meaning she is heavily attracted to women physically and emotionally, BUT she can get off to a man sexually as well. Most of everyone there looked at her like she was crazy and told her that she's bisexual, flat out. Not a lesbian. She took offense and claims NOT to be bi but is a lesbian with preferences of women, but by nature she can still enjoy a man but chooses not to. Does anyone understand that mindset and agree....or disagree???

Answer 1

I disagree with your friend.
She is bisexual.
I am bisexual with a preference of females.
So that type of thing is very possible.
She may prefer to be with girls but if she can get excitement from guys then she is in fact bisexual.
There are, however, levels of how gay you are i think though.
Depending on how attracted you are to the ladies and in which way.

Answer 2

Hmmm...I guess she identifies a lot more with being a lesbian than being bi--it's not just about sexual preference; it's also about being a part of a community, and the lesbian and bi communities can be at odds sometimes (unfortunate, I think, but that's another topic!).

Personally, I think the whole things just mincing words, and the prevailing psychology/sociology theories agree. Sexual preference isn't in three cut-and-dried categories: it's more like a spectrum. On one end is "total" heterosexuality, and on the other is "total" homosexuality. Think about it like a 1-10 scale, with 1 being hetero and 10 gay/lesbian. 5 would be I guess what most people consider bi--equally attracted to both sexes. There's a lot of people all over the spectrum. So maybe your friend is, say, a 7. She's more attracted to women than to men, but being with men still feels okay to her sometimes. But she has to identify with some sort of sexual orientation--straight, bi, or lesbian. So she probably relates most to the lesbian culture, and chose that as her "label." It's like hair color (if it's not too cheesy)--I have auburn hair, and it looks different in diff lights. Sometimes it looks red, sometimes brown...but I just tell people I have brown hair, because I feel more like a brunette than a redhead. :)

So I can understand where she's coming from, kind of. I'm pretty far down the spectrum--like a 9, probably, so I can't really imagine getting off on a guy. But I remember studying that in some of my psych classes, and I think it's cool how diff people have varying preferences--how it's not just 3 clear-cut categories.

Answer 3

No, a Lesbian is a lesbian and is not attracted to men in any way. If you are attracted to men as well, then without question you are bisexual whether you like it or not, (well, your friend anyway) I tried it with men when I was younger just to experiment, but there was no attraction there, and I did not enjoy the sex. I know many lesbians and none of them would prefer men. Some have been married and realised that they preferred women later on, and stuck to it.

Answer 4

Homosexuality, bisexuality it's all a spectrum. That's why we have really masculine gay guys and really feminine lesbians. It's all a spectrum. Bisexuality is a great example, they're more in the middle of the spectrum. There are lesbians that are ok with being friends with men platonic and there are lesbians that are extreme dykes and won't give a guy the time of day. Once again it's all a spectrum. It's not black and white or even gray, it's all inclusive.

Answer 5

Yes...I think sexuality is a sliding scale....1 to 100... 1 being an absolute complete lesbian, repulsed by men and 100 being a complete hetero repulse by women.

EVERYONE is somewhere between 1 and 100... some at 20...or 30. Your friend sounds like maybe a 35. The typical woman is maybe 80 towards hetero, but can still find a little excitement with another woman...the right woman in the right circumstance.

Answer 6

I totally understand where your freind is coming from. I still have attractions to men. But I am a lesbian and won't wander from that word. There is a possibility that Mr. Right willl sweep me off my feet someday, but I'm not holding out. I prefer women, I can only really imagine being with women, but I still get a crush on the boys from time to time. In my case though, I would never do anything about it, for me it's a step too far.

It's unfortunate that we have to use labels. Especially when there are so many opinions on what one means.

Answer 7

Yeah I agree. There are so many aspects to human relationships. Romantic love, passion, committed love, lust, sexual gratification, aesthetic appreciation, intellectual stimulation, companionship, emotional intimacy, emotional sex. Some people like both men and women for some of these and only one gender for something else. Some people are sexually attracted to both men and women but only like women for relationships. Some people feel only passion and lust for one gender and only emotional intimacy and committment for the other gender. And so on and so on.
Generally, people feel that some of these are important for them to have in their relationships and other things aren't as important. All these factors contribute to your preference. It's also why only having three classifications (gay, bi, straight) causes some people so much confusion. It doesn't take into account all the shades of grey and for those who don't fit neatly into one box it can be hard dealing with the kind of crap your friend got. If she feels that 'lesbian' is the label that closest fits her feelings and behaviours then that's for her to decide, not you.

Answer 8

I totally agree. yes there are levels of lesbianism. im a lil under moderate level. and i think there are always reason behind why your at a certian level. i feel like im below moderate becuse i havent had a gurl in a long time.and i keep being dissapointed by girls,their actions,etc. so i guess im just turned off by them. if u were to be around me u would never think im gay. unles like a sexi *** butch just happens to walk pass or summtin. other than that , naw.im not discrete either. just let down by women.but i dont like guys at all. so yeah im still a lesbian. but im below average. it sounds crazy. but i definetly agree wit da join.

Answer 9

Oprah and all the Lesbian Experts confirmed it on Tuesday's Oprah. They said there is a scale of 1 to 10 and everyone even if you're straight falls somewhere along the line.

Answer 10

It is due to a stygma about bisexuality among homosexuals and heterosexuals. She doesn't want to be excluded from her lesbian friends because she is bi. Not too hard to understand.