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Question

My man and I have been together for 8 years, we have 3 kids together. Ages 2, 5 and 7. When I met him I settled, he wasn't my dream man and I also got pregnant 3 months after we met. That isn't the issue. The issue is that he is lazy, he works as a truck driver. He doesn't show his appreciation of me and expects me to do all the housework and take care of the kids. He thinks that because he only gets home once every week or two that he can just do what ever he wants and have no responsibility. The other issue is the way he spends money. When I met him he was broke and did not have a job, now that he makes money he buys himself things before he pays bills or buys things for the kids. Also he has never went out by himself and bought me a gift either for an occasion or just because. No Christmas, Birthday or Valentines in 8 years, unless I am with him and pick it out myself. There are times that I think I would be better off by myself but on the other hand I care about him

I also feel that he would not be able to manage his own place or his own bills. We are both 34 and he has never had to do these things on his own.

Also, we are not married. I won't do it. He would like it if I did, but I can't bring myself to marry him.

Kim - FYI .. I am not talking about what he spends on the road, and we rent, and I have a job. I am a supervisor in a major book warehouse. I made more than him last year. He has only been on the road since July. He changes jobs often. He spent most of our tax return on buying himself his 3rd truck when I needed a van instead of my jeep.

Answer 1

As you say, "I settled". What more can you expect? Your eyes were wide open.

If you want change, change yourself. Make yourself happy. Care for the kids. You cant go back to 8 years ago and now you are blessed with 3 beautiful children. Be grateful for what you have. Create the relationship with them you want and work on who you are.

Being a single mom isnt the greatest in the world. It doesnt sound like things will improve that much for you if you were.

Have a good sit down with your partner and talk things out. Share your future dreams and build on common ground. Who knows...maybe he feels he settled too!

Answer 2

As a truck drivers widow myself, sorry i call it widow because you are alone more than with him, He works hard, is stressed out constantly on the road, dealing with his customers, dealing with idiot 4 wheelers day in and day out. Let him Chill for the first day hes home, the second is yours. Does he earn the money for the mortgage, maybe the food you eat is purchased with his money, the car you drive?? Women always tend to look at the things in a "he doesnt give me material objects" Hes put a roof over you and your kids heads, food in your tummy, why does he have to buy more things to make you happy. Sure he spends money, have you ever been to a truck stop diner and try to get a cheap meal? Not happening, it expensive on the road. Sorry, but hes not living free out there. Hes not home to do the housework or care for the kids, if thats an issue get a job get a sitter and a maid. I am sorry if this offends you, but at least you have a bed to sleep in that isnt attached to a motor, Dont complain, Stop nagging, Just live the life you have chosen and be happy he keeps coming home.

Answer 3

Yeah well the reasons are obvious as to why you won't marry him. After 8 years this is the status quo. The only way anything will change is if you put the wheels in motion. Naturally you care about him. You'd care about your dog or cat of 8 years too if you lived with them. Pretty hard not to get attached somewhat with someone who you've not only spent 8 years of your life with but had kids by as well.
Only you can make this either work or come to a conclusion. You're the one that has issues to be addressed and he seems oblivious to them. Make your move or relegate yourself to another 8 years or more of the same lifestyle.

Answer 4

Why are you with this man? You won't committ to marrying him, but you were willing to have 3 kids by him? You need to look deep within yourself and figure out why you value yourself so little! It sounds like you have no self esteem at all. He brings nothing to your relationship, not even money, so why do you need him? Move on, get some counseling for you and learn to take better care of yourself and your kids. Do you really want your children to grow up thinking that strolling in once a week is what being a father is all about?

Answer 5

It sounds like married or not you are stuck with this man. I don't understand why you settled and didn't get married (by the way in most states you are legally married if you have been living together for this long).

If you want to work things out seek counseling, if not seek child support and kick him out. I don't think he is the only one that is lazy in maintaining this relationship unfortunately children are involved and that is a shame.

Good luck.

Answer 6

This guy is immature and selfish. Unfortunately, you were foolish enough to already build a life with the kids and responsibilities of a wife without committing to it legally. If you don't want to continue raising another child that is 34 along with your other three you already have, you need to find a life of your own and quit wasting your time trying to make this 34 year old boy grow up.

Answer 7

Wow...where to start? First, when he is home, sit him down and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't accept it, don't be there the next time he comes home. Sorry, but it sounds like you and those kids would be better off on your own which is pretty much how it sounds now anyway. I know you care about him but you need to care about yourself and those kids and how they are viewing your relationship. It's not very healthy. It's never easy to strike out on your own, but again, what good is it really doing you to stay? Good luck!

Answer 8

Well it appears that u answer your own question in one your "additions." The fact that he has NEVER had to be responsible.....In my opinion it sounds as if he NEEDs to finally grow up and be responsible and u leaving him may be the only thing to accomplish that. And IF he does grow from this then there may be a future for you 2. I don't see it being detrimental to your children as he is rarely around anyways. But this sounds like one of those "tough love" scenarios where u need to FORCE responsibility on him. Or even one of those days he comes home..........YOU take off and do something for yourself forcing him to care for the house and the children...

more than likely when u got home they would be starving and dirty......j/k

Hope this helps........good luck 2 u

Answer 9

You are the one who is choosing to spend your time with this man. You need to ask yourself why. You said you settled ,you should of never settled for anyone. You not just had one child by this man but you had two more WHY? If you continue staying with him then you need to communicate with him and tell him that you need his help just as much as he needs yours. If this doesn't work then I say move on or you two get some counseling otherwise you are wasting time.

Answer 10

the fact that u r not married might have alot to do with it...he might be thinking in the back of his head that u dont truely love him ,so why even try and make the effort....i kno if my wife wouldn't have married me after all this tyme i wouldn't be trying to please her....i would be doing things to make my self happy,...such as spending money on what ever i wanted...come home and relax...and expect her to have the house clean and the kids taken care of,..since i was working...but we r married and we split everything down the middle,..and this has worked forgoing on 15 yrs now....i hope this helps you out