I am 27/f/india, being pressured into marriage.
My parents asked my preferences & I told them very clearly. Then they also made me meet a guy. However, we were not compatible at all on the 1st meeting.
In addition, he is the total opposite of what I wanted.
I told my parents to seek another match. I added that they had asked me my preferences so they should consider that.
However, they went ahead & fixed up my marriage with this man.
I feel very uncomfortable about it.
He is 38, has been married twice before, divorced, no children because neither of his marriages lasted over a few months.
he is a very boring person. He is an accountant & can't converse without talking about his job & numbers.
At least if he looked fairly good i'd have considered it as i feel there needs to be some attraction there. However there wasn't.
He wants a housewife where as I am career oriented.
I'm afraid it may not work out. I voiced my concerns to my parents in vain.
2007-03-09 04:30:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My parents told me that it's not possible to change the wedding plans now.
They also told me that the success of my marriage depends totally on me and that I need to adjust and accept him as everyone has their flaws.
They also told me that it's for the best and that compatibility can develop after marriage too if I work on it.
Is this possible?
What do u think I must do to adjust in this situation since i cannot convince my parents that he isn't right for me?
2007-03-09 04:33:48 · update #1
I have no way of communicating with him as my parents have not given me his phone number or address to write to...
So i cannot discuss this with him either
2007-03-09 04:41:02 · update #2
It's easy to say leave home or leave country - but its not really possible for me as firstly i dont make enough money to migrate - there are rules regarding that such as minimum bank balance and so on... secondly there is the question of getting a visa and a job in the other country - after 9/11 it's become difficult and its also a time consuming process that may take longer than the wedding to happen
Apart from that to take up housing is pretty expensive....
2007-03-09 04:54:50 · update #3
tell the person you are supposed to marry that you do not wish to do so and that he should withdrawl from the arrangement.
2007-03-09 04:39:18 · answer #1 · answered by flaming red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two answers to this question and it all depends where you live:
Answer 1: If you live in your country, you have two choices: do what you have to do as it is the way it works there (and be miserable the rest of your life), or just pack and leave your house, and maybe your country.
Answer 2: if you live somewhere else, and more if you live here in the US, then you do what you want to do. Here we are free, marriage can not be arranged.
Now, I don’t want to sound rude, but I think those who force others to do things, like marrying someone you don’t even like just because of religion and tradition, should be put in a trial for harassment.
I do not agree with any religion, and worse if is a religion that mandates you to do things against your will. Same with people like your parents. They have no voice or vote on who you choose for your life.
Pre arranged matrimony is another sign of barbarism in our society. We are born free, and should not be obligated to become slaves.
The way you explained your problem makes me think you are actually a very civilized person that has a carrier and everything. I can not imagine you ruining your life by accepting some stupid pre arranged matrimony.
Sorry, but is the way I feel and see things.
You do what you have to do.
Good luck.
2007-03-09 04:44:16 · answer #2 · answered by Dan D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
With different customs in your country than mine I don't know what you can do. In the US you have the right to make your own decision by law as far as marriage and any other decision with your personal life. I don't believe you get married unless you love a person and they love you. Marriage is supposed to be a loving relationship between two people that are willing committed to each other, not a duty to be performed for family and husband. If you do not agree with this choice that has been made for you and can refuse to go through with it then do so. If you have no legal choice to make here and don't want a life of misery, Leave and find somewhere that gives you the human rights to happiness that everyone deserves.
2007-03-09 04:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you and this man are incompatible. Your parents are correct in that, whomever you marry, both of you will need to adjust to each other and be tolerant of each other's personal differences. However, this man has already had two failed marriages. What makes your parents think that, with no interest on your side, his marriage to you would last? Marriage is not only about stability. It is about happiness with each other. If you marry someone you can barely tolerate, neither of you will be happy. Perhaps you could explain this to your parents, and let them know that he deserves someone who can make him happy, just as you do. My hopes and prayers are with you. I hope your marriage ends up being to someone who appreciates you for who you are, without changing you.
2007-03-09 04:44:19 · answer #4 · answered by fifthoftheclan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not my culture but if it was I would run. If your parents love you they will not make you marry a person you are not going to want to be with. Tell them NO and mean NO. If they continue with the wedding plans don't go. I do not believe that the parents should find the man their daughter is going to marry. I think it should be up to the daughter to find the man herself.
2007-03-09 04:47:35 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave your country and come to America where u shall be free
2007-03-09 04:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you live in America?
2007-03-09 04:34:40 · answer #7 · answered by Stitch 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋