My friend just got out of jail from doing 30 days and lost his job. He is staying at my house since his wife will not have anything to do with him. I have two extra beds and I don't mind helping a friend that is down on his luck. He has only been here one day. But i'm wondering how long should I give him? Because eventually it will cramp my style. I already have a man that knows nothing about this. All I know is I would want someone to be there for me if it were me. And I am always the one to say "Instead of talking a friend down why not help him or her up". He went to jail for back due child support and his wife did not know about this other child. Yea, I know he deserved to go to jail and hes a dead beat for not paying. But he can't do things the right way without a job and a place to stay.
2007-03-09 04:07:58 · 16 answers · asked by Diamondbch 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK, tonight you two need to set down and have a talk about the length of time he can stay with you. I believe in giving a hand up not a hand out.
1. Set a time frame your comfortable with, say 1 month
2. Make sure he understands the rules before he goes to sleep again. He must everyday be looking for a job,with no excuses.
3. regardless he's gone in 30 days, if you want to extend or shorten, depending on whether he's trying, and how it imposes on you.
4. He needs to get unemployment started.
5. He needs to pick up after himself, and you not the maid,cook,bank, driving miss daisy taxi cab,laundry service.
6. He responsible for he own hygiene items, both buying and disposing of same, no hair in the sink
7. He can help clean as long as he's there also
I know these things because my wife and I took in one of our friends, and damn near got a divorce over it, it's been the only serious fight we've ever had. I was packing to leave it was so bad
Hope this helps
2007-03-09 04:25:32 · answer #1 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to let your man know the situation, and the two of you should decide together on how long you're going to give him. You don't want to make the situation more complicated by hiding it from your significant other.
Be clear to your friend that you want to support him and help him through this hard time, but he has to get back on his own feet, find a job, and work out his relationship with his family. If he's not receptive, he has to go. He needs to understand that there is only so much you can do for him, and he needs to get his life back in order, preferably in his own home. Good luck!!
2007-03-09 04:42:00 · answer #2 · answered by prplluva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one!!!!! Since you have already opened your home to him, I would sit down and have a talk about what his plans are.....This is your house, and you have a right to know what is going on.... let him know that this is a temporary situation, and that he cannot just flop there indefinitely....
I have been in this situation before, and if these things aren't put into the open right away, you may have a long term house guest.......which I am asumming you don't want...... Give him like 60 days....... if he is doing well, and things are still going okay, you may extend it if it feels right, but, if he isn't doing anything to get on his own....he has to go at 60 days......
Also, it is a good idea for you to write up some sort of agreement between the two of you.......
2007-03-09 04:16:02 · answer #3 · answered by erin_foss8191@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i agree, but he had a job so why didn't he pay? you need to ask that question. the reason being is you are his friend right? well that child deserves the money his father isn't paying. he lied to his wife, what makes you think he wont lie to you? be careful. every child needs support the guy had a job he choose not to pay. now he does not have a job, that is another one of his choices, it's a hard lesson he needs to learn, but he needs to learn it. luck has nothing to do with it. tell him he messed up and you will only help him as a listener he has 2 weeks to find a job and be out. tough love. and remember he slept with a women and she had to have a baby all alone and take care of that baby all alone so you cant have to much compassion for the guy what goes around comes around. you keep saying he cant do things the right way without a job and a place to stay.. i have a feeling thats him saying that to you and you falling for it. look who's fault is it? he had a jobright? ask why he didnt pay? now he lost his job. because he went to jail, his fault. he got kicked out, because he lied. his fault. now you are helping him out. very nice of you, you will be taking advantage of very soon. he is a friend i get it you need to make him deal with his own problems that way he will be less likely to make them over and over again. people keep bailing him out. i hope this makes sense to you ,and you wouldn't be a bad friend.
2007-03-09 04:35:31 · answer #4 · answered by sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him about a week and see what he does. If he acts like he don't want to go out and get a job then sit down and talk with him. Tell him he has one month to find a job and a place to live then he has to go. It is great that you want to help your friend just don't let him use you. Good luck
2007-03-09 05:29:08 · answer #5 · answered by irishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one to call. I would sit down with, make a list of the rules for your house that he has to follow as long as he is living there. He should also help out with cleaning, etc. I would give him at least a month, maybe even six weeks, depending on how close a friend he is. That should give him time to find a job, save money for rent, etc.
2007-03-09 04:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to draw a line somewhere. Looks like you don't even know what a line is.
Tell you friend he can stay until a job or opportunity comes up. The first time he turns something down-run him off.
He is a bum, you should have not let him in to begin with.
2007-03-09 04:22:33 · answer #7 · answered by Desperado 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you are covering all costs, you need to sit down with him and discuss the time limit.. I think 1 month would be more than enough time to get a job, place etc...
2007-03-09 04:14:00 · answer #8 · answered by spikester83 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bad situation.
You need to get him out now, you are doing nothing but putting yourself in a bad situation. If your "man" finds out, you are done for. He will not understand and he shouldn't either. You are fooling yourself if you think otherwise, or think he won't find out.
Think about it from his point of view...you have another man living with you. Anything you say will be but an excuse.
This guy is his own problem, he needs to take care of himself. All you are doing is creating a problem where one doesn't need to be.
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
2007-03-09 04:16:46 · answer #9 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very nice of you to help someone in need...
You will be a good friend to him by sitting down with him and discussing his plans to find work and letting him know that while you understand his situation, he needs to begin the process of taking care of himself.
Tell him what YOU expect, also.
This will take some thought, but it's your home. You have the right to let him know what you expect and how you feel .
take care...
( =
2007-03-09 04:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋