I feel like I have "fallen out of love" with my husband. I think a lot of it has to do with him not being as supportive with my pregnancy as I want him to be. Right now I am 28 weeks pregnant, and even though he says he is excited about the baby, he doesn't show it. I feel like he is just pushing me away and that we are becoming just distant friends. Is this normal? If not, any advice as to what I should do?
2007-03-09 03:41:44 · 15 answers · asked by hnl458 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I think this happens more than anyone realizes or even admits...especially when one partner is very excited and the other is not...when it's the man not excited, the woman feels betrayed and "on her own" b/c I don't think a woman ever needs more support than when she is pregnant...and when you're not getting it, then your brain and emotions naturally rebels...You need to have a serious talk with him, find out if he's worried about being a good father, being a good provider, or maybe he just wasn't ready for a child...Men DO experience a lot of fears when their partner is preg, and if you can't get to the bottom of it together then may I suggest some counselling...
2007-03-09 03:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by Proud Mommy of 6 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby is terrifying to both the mother and the father. You're feeling hormonal and can be really needy one second and then hate his guts the next. Trust me, I've been in your shoes!
As for your husband, think of it from his standpoint: The woman he love is about to have a baby. You, as his wife, are starting to physically change and have already changed emotionally and mentally, you're practically not the same person. Half the time he doesn't even know what's going on with you because sometimes you don't even know. (been there, done that) He's got the fears of providing for you and your child, the fears of what labor is going to be like and fears about raising a child in this world. It's as new to him as it is to you, and probably a lot more confusing/scary. Plus, he's faced with the fact that this means he has to become a real-true adult. Just the thought of all that responsibility is enough to make anyone scared.
My husband acted this way too. Those are the things he told me when I asked him why he acted the way he did.
Edited to add: We're still together, and things did get better!
2007-03-09 03:58:06 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Informed 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This often happens during regnancy. I think it is to do with a mixture of hormones, and the fact that all your attention is focused on your baby and the future. Maybe your sex drive has gone down, and you're not sharing those intimate moments of before as much?
It is very normal, and it happened to me with my partner. I felt like he wasn't trying, or wasn't as excited about our baby as me. I have had a high risk pregnancy, and the poor guy has had to do everything, cooking, cleaning etc... But all I REALLY wated was a hug and a bit of love! I didn't care about a tidy house!
I also felt like he was alwyas whining, if he had a runny nose it was FLU, if he had a dodgy tummy it was GASTROENTERITIS etc... He was always playing up slight illnesses.
The only thing that helped us was to sit down and talk. I told him how I felt, I told him how uncomfortable I am, and how I don't feel well most days, but I don't moan! I told him how tired I am and asked him: "When was the last time you just gave me a hug for no reason?" - he couldn't remember when, and I think that really hit home, as we've always been a really cuddly couple!
He also told me that he was playing up the illnes etc.. to get attention, as he felt I spent my whole time thinking about baby and not him anymore. This jealousy is normal for men, not intentional, but they feel pushed out by this thing growing inside you.
A lot changes after baby is born, and a lot of couples pull together to bring baby up together and help each other out etc.. I hope it is this way for you!
Good luck, try talking to him! I'm afraid there's not a lot else I can suggest.
:-)
2007-03-09 03:57:20 · answer #3 · answered by Krissyinthesun 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, my husband was similar to that. He was distant, and would *say* that he was excited, but he didn't show it. Later, I found out he was TERRIFIED of becoming a father. Men are like that...they bottle up their emotions..and meanwhile, us women are wracking our brains to figure out what the heck is going on.
This, too, shall pass, I'm sure. It's hard to understand how scary it is to our husbands when WE are the ones who are pregnant, you know? We often feel like we're the only ones going through this, but our husbands are just as scared. It's also tough for them because they feel so left out of everything...they feel helpless.
So try to be patient with him. He'll come around soon enough (probably right after the baby is born). Once my baby was born, the love I had for my husband was increadible...because he was my baby's father....it's still like that now.
Good luck.
2007-03-09 03:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've given birth to five children, and EVERY TIME I was pregnant I had 'intense fantasies' of 'torturning my husband' for getting me pregnant. Your husband probably is 'excited about the baby' but his 'way of showing this' can be things like 'working harder' at his job, or 'talking to his friends' about becoming a father, and you think that he 'needs to' be more interested in 'girly things' like 'decorating the baby's room' and 'buying baby clothes.' Men are 'weird' about the fact that their 'women' get pregnant ... and some men are actually 'afraid' to have sex with their women because they don't want to 'hurt' the 'baby inside' ... I think that what you want/need is just some 'good warm cuddling' and a nice long 'talk with' your man about all the ways your relationship is 'changing' and about 'the ways' each of you 'shows love' to each other and 'for the baby we are having together' ...
2007-03-09 04:32:30 · answer #5 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm at 22 weeks and I totally I thought I made a huge mistake getting married to my hubby last August. We got pregnant in October and he couldn't understand that morning sickness, should be called all-day sickness and the nauseated feeling was unbearable for me. His friend told him I was "milking" it and not that sick at all. So, I got no sympathy from him. I disliked my hubby for a good solid month and a half to almost two months there. Now finally, things are getting back to normal. So, it is normal. I've noticed that when you're pregnant what people do is more is important than what they say. Hang in there, hubby will come around. You'll be fine. Good luck.
2007-03-09 03:55:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has his moments like that too. I know he is happy about the baby.. but things are about to change majorly and that is a concern for him. This will be our second child and I know it is going to be hard for us.. but we can make it thru. Talk to him.. ask him what his fears are, make him take part in some of the baby things.. ultrasounds, buying clothes, bedding... anything to get him motivated so to speak. I make my husband talk to my stomach.. even though he says he feels like he is cheating on our oldest son..lol. I honestly can't remember the last time we had sex either.. but I know he will make it thru that as well..HE BETTER.. LoL!! Pregnancy scares men more than it does us... though they will try to not show it and that seems more like they are pushing away.. pull him back and have him talk.. it will help. Good Luck and Congrats!!
2007-03-09 03:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by luvthbaby2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing with our first. He just didn't feel into it and with the changes that a pregnant body goes through (they are not all attractive) he felt like he was being put on the back burner and that my body wasn't his anymore. Men are like children, they don't like to share and they are often jealous. Hopefully it all passes and he comes around. Make sure he is included in all the baby care once the little one arrives, so he can finally feel useful and bond with the baby.
2007-03-09 03:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by sunny_day_grl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry too much about it. I feel like this sometimes with my husband...I'm also 28 weeks and have been married for 2.5 years. My husband is a PhD student so he is VERY preoccupied and sometimes I want to shout "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!" But I am also extremely hormonal right now and have become much more sensative than normal. Sometimes I feel like my husband and I have become more like roommates rather than lovers and spouses.
The best thing to do is COMMUNICATE...when I'm having bad feelings about our relationship or marriage I will sulk and pout for a little (lol) but then I will sit him down and we will talk it out...You've got to keep the lines of communication open...and be completely honest! I will flat out tell him "you're paying too much attention to your school work and I'm pregnant and uncomfortable and I feel like you care more about school than me and the baby"....I don't sugar coat it, I just get it out...and vice versa with him.
It never helps to bottle it up...and the best thing to do is keep your marriage strong for your little one coming!
2007-03-09 03:49:44 · answer #9 · answered by LittleRoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During pregnacy you will go through alot of hormone changes, you will fill disguise, right now your body is going through a lot, and you may think you dont love your husband , but in reality you do. give it time, you will go through all different kinds of feelings towards, your spouse, friends, family, it is all normal. I have 3 children that i have had, and all three times, i went through all kinds of feelings, that i couldnt explain.
2007-03-09 03:50:03 · answer #10 · answered by chasier1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋