Should I stay, or should I go?

Question

O.K. I really need some help. I am 27 yrs old divorced with three kids (all boys between the ages of 5-9). I have a decent job with good pay but only because I work mad amounts of overtime. I went on a job interview and was offered the job. It pays about 10k less than I currently make but is salary and no overtime. The problem is it's 861 miles away from my kids. I only get to see them twice a month now, because I am required to work so much overtime. It is my dream job working with the space program. I have listed the pro's and con's and have a list a mile long for pro's. There is only one con. I really do hate my current job but could tolerate it I had no choice. I have rationalized every possible reason to leave. Things like it's only temporary, I might have a better opportunity to come back in the future, it's to help secure a better future for my kids, etc. I still don't know what to do. Help!!!!

Answer 1

You've got a tough one. I was given the same decision to make, but my kids were much older. Even though you think it's only temporary, it will turn into more than that eventually. With the age your children are at it will be very difficult(if not impossible)for you to cope with and will probably impact your new job because of the mental stress of the long distance. You have decide on whether your financial security is worth the sacrifice of losing the precious time of your kids younger years. For everything good that comes into your life there is always a price to pay. No one can tell you if the price you will pay is worth it or not. That must be your decision since you be the one to suffer the consequences. Either way you are going to gain something and lose something. Your kids will still love you, but your relationship will not be as strong a bond as it would if you physically spend more time with them, but you might be able to secure a better financial future for them by taking the new job. They would probably benefit more later in their lives(more money for college, help with starting their own families, etc.), but keep in mind it does affect the closeness between you and your kids. Good Luck with whatever decision you decide to make.

Answer 2

If the x wife only lets you see them twice a month, then I would say go to that new job. But I have a feeling that you dont see them because you work so much. This is a toughy, I would say go, you said space program right, thats awesome. If you do decide to go, sit and talk with your kids about it; explain how cool working for the space shuttle would be and promise to send them things if theres a gift shop or send them something like twice a month. And the other two times or how ever many yu can or could afford, go visit them. When you see them, bond with them, have fun. Make them know that you love them but you just need to improve your life. I mean, come one, think about how your health would slowly decrease if you kept working at that job, miserable and working all the time. With this new job, you can have a real life and start over. So I say, go for it man! :)

Answer 3

The only question you need to ask is it worth the 10K. I would say if it makes you happier to have this new job, then it will make you a better father. You can still your children twice a month, just a longer commute to get them. In most states, if you move that far away the mother will have to drive and meet you halfway, so you will still get to spend plenty of quality time with them. Opportunity only knocks once, and you don't want to regret letting it slip away. Go for it and good luck!

Answer 4

If you want this job you need to think about this.....can you move 861 miles away and still see your kids every other weekend? If the answer is no then you have to find out for yourself which matters more, the job or your boys. If it were me I would not take the job and risk not being able to see my kids.

Answer 5

Boy that's rough. My husband has had numerous higher paying job offers in other states and cities but he stayed due to his 4 children he has with his ex. It's something you really should discuss with your ex and your kids when deciding if you're leaning toward going. It will be difficult but you could work it out. The sad thing would be your kids wouldn't see you as much which isn't much now right? Think hard on this one!

Good luck!

Answer 6

seems to me you should take the dream job. If you only see your kids twice monthly now, you should be able to do that with the new job as well. If its only 800 miles, flights should be pretty cheap, just fly em in a time or two a month.

Answer 7

it seems like u already know what u want to do but just want someone else to tell u that ur making the right decision. i think u take the other job. ur boys are whats most important and this is ur dream job. go for it, if ur unhappy at the job ur at now, how much longer are u gonna last there ne way

Answer 8

There is more to life that money. Those kids need to see you much more that twice a month, especially at those ages. Take the job.

Answer 9

Ok now there are a couple things you wanna think about, your sons. Do you love them, do you want to see them. Don't you think they will be dissapointed if you leave them??? I would love to work for the space program too but I think they can do without you. I know it;s your dream job but what is more important... the job or your family?

Answer 10

You need to look at it with your heart. long distance parent child relationships work. But not as well as a close parent child relationship. You have to weigh your dream job to your father abilitys and your love for your children. since it is not making more money your children will not benifit from it at all. and in the process they loose and already vacant dad.

I am glad to not be in your shoes. But Only God could make me leave my children.

I know this sounds judgemental I do not mean it to. have you sat down with your children and discussed this. see how it would make them feel.