my marriage is on the brink. he wants to work it out, forgive & forget & start fresh. being a christian, divorce is quitting, a sin (circumstances depending, each divorce has it's own details, i don't mean to offend anyone or make simple of the topic). however.....even after all the forgiveness, talks, counseling, trying to start again.....
staying in the marriage brings fear and frustration. i can only imagine 5 years down the road, what if anything were to go wrong again? it so makes my head go numb when i see myself staying. but leaving, the guilt is overwhelming.
and i feel just plain happy when i am in adifferent place than here. there is so much crap behind us. my heart has become so frozen to this life.
god can give me the strength to stay. my husband wants me to stay. knowing that, am i denying what i really feel by staying? or, on the other side, am i giving in to complete selfishness by leaving?
2007-03-09 03:04:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been to counseling (didn't help). We have both been unfaithful, both at points in the marriage when we shoud have turned to each other. Now...we can do that...we can talk it through. BUT this is where my walls come up and i struggle with not wanting to involve him in the things that touch my heart, though these are the times i should take advantage and let us grow together. The place of happiness could be mcdonald's, for all i care.
2007-03-09 03:29:26 · update #1
You need to make yourself happy. As a Christian you know divorce is not a sin and the Lord wants nothing more for us then to be happy and feel love right? It is not selfish. You cannot stay when you know in your heart you will not be happy and you deserve to be happy! Work through the guilt once you're gone! Fear and frustration are NOT part of love and happy marriages! Do what your heart tells you, not your guilt. Guilt is not a good reason to stay.
I wish you the best!
2007-03-09 03:22:05 · answer #1 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a strong proponet of religion. I also don't equate it with marriage and I can hear people gasping in horror as i say this. However its pretty obvious that the two of you talk openly. Thats good for a start and makes things easier. If he is willing to work at it then perhaps you should too.
You cannot look at it and be afraid of what may occur (or may not for that matter). It does no good to look that far ahead and try and guess.
You should be watching for signs of it and taking steps to get things back on track should those signs start to rear their ugly heads. Some people think that a marriage just happens and everything is fine. You know all too well...as i do too...that marriage requires a lot of work on both your parts to make it work and last.
Now...the only problem I see here is that I haven't a clue as to why this isn't working for you. What are the problems being encountered that have now placed this marriage "on the brink"? Address those and you may find the solution. In addition...where is this different place you feel better at than home? Or is this in the context..."feel better any other place than home?"
2007-03-09 03:24:45 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Bible mentions a hardening of the heart. It states Divorce is acceptable if there is a hardening of the heart. By you feeling guilt of hurting him, it showes you still care, which is a form of love, meaning your heart hasn't hardened. However, if you feel he's not really "the one", you should go with your gut feelings. If he has been unfaithful , then obviously, you're not "the one" for him. I suggest first seeking marriage counseling before divorce. It could help change how you treat one another. If you know deep down that staying will be a mistake....just pray for God to help you. He'll show you signs & give you those feelings in your gut. I too, had to make a divorce decision. I went with my gut & have met "the one".
2007-03-09 03:19:42 · answer #3 · answered by J Doe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being unfaithful is a sin. Why put the brakes on at divorce. If you are not happy, then you can not make other people happy(children, etc.). It sounds like you are just scared to jump out. Try and focus on what is really keeping you there. Work through that , and then decide whether you should stay or go.
2007-03-09 04:15:01 · answer #4 · answered by krysmaslily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never been married so I don't really know what you are going thru and not knowing the whole situation doesn't help. We can only tell you what we think but you and your husband and God know exactly what is going on. So I say pray about it and put it in God's hand. On one hand your husband wants you to stay so I'm guess whatever happen must have been his fault from what I have read. God did not give us the spirit of FEAR so if you feel afraid then you should not be in that situation. You seem so unhappy and confused and God is not about confusion and HE wants us to be happy in life and marriage. Ask God to direct your path and HE will just know that God will take care of you if you decide to divorce your husband. I don't believe in divorce and I'm not saying that you should be that way and you have to follow your heart and where God leads you and if its to a divorce then you have nothing to be guilty about. God knows your heart and HE knows your hearts desires so don't be guilty about anything if this is where God wants you to be. God Bless
2007-03-09 03:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by sharethalove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of hard to say about your situation because we don't really know the details, only your husband and you do. I'll tell you what I tell all my friends (and myself) when we all go through the ups and downs or marriage. Think it really through because you're now together as one, you're no longer single and thinking for yourself. If there's any ounce you feel that the marriage can be saved and there's some love left, work it out. If you feel that it is over and nothing can be done to save it, then leave. There's no point in trying to save something that is all ready gone; it'll just make it worse for the both of you.
2007-03-09 03:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband, it sounds like, not only wants you to stay, but wants to work on your marriage. That's key.
You either need to decide to work on the marriage, or walk away.
If counselling 'didn't work', try other counsellors, try self-help forums and groups, try different sort of books. Try counselling on your own. Talk more. Don't expect instant results. You've both hurt each other.
2007-03-09 03:33:11 · answer #7 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also a christian, but you have to be true to yourself, if you are not happy, dont stay. It is not selfish. What are you guilty about? Most times staying is saying 'hey, I like feeling bad'.
If you are only happy when you are in a different place, then why be miserable where you are.
Dont feel guilty, its not worth being miserable the rest of your life.
2007-03-09 03:12:43 · answer #8 · answered by Dulce/Candy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are only staying out of guilt, then that is more selfish than leaving him if that is what you really want to do. It will eventually only make you BOTH miserable if your heart's not in it.
2007-03-09 03:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish if you have had it. Divorce is not a sin. So, do not feel guilty. If you feel that the marriage cannot be saved then move on for your sake and his too.
2007-03-09 03:08:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋