I try to stay positive, be a good wife and mother. Regardless of what I do, though, I feel like we are on different pages. We always seem to want different things. I'd like to live in a house, he wants "stuff" (SM Radio, new truck, XBox, Computer games, etc). I think most of our problems stem from financial issues, though neither of us can see the others point of view. He thinks I get all the money (I pay all the bills) and he gets nothing. I am going to a "good sense" money class in a couple weeks so I have really looked at our spending. Where I spend $50 a month on myself and our kids he spends about $100 on cigarettes, 30 on beer, 40 for DSL, 10 for world of warcraft fees, big car payment, xbox games, etc. He spends most of his free time gets spent playing games. I am not a "nagger". I understand him needing time to relax, but I hate feeling like we (me & the kids) come last. Please don't tell me what I should have done or not done, and I'm not leaving him. What should I do?
2007-03-09 03:01:45 · 9 answers · asked by Wendy B 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Right now, the plan is that he's going to the financial class with me. But I know him...at the last minute he's going to cancel. Ugh..so frustrating.
2007-03-09 03:09:10 · update #1
What things did you have in common when you started dating? Do you like the same kind of movies? Or outdoor activities? You could maybe get him to do more of those things with you and the kids to steer him away from the games.
Another idea- some friends of ours have 2 sons, and they play their Wii as a family. So maybe you could get some kid-friendly games, like tennis or bowling, and play them together. Use the "if you can't beat them, join them" approach.
A suggestion on the spending issues- ask him to go to the class with you, or go over your household budget with him so that he'll get an idea about your finances. Or go to counselling about it if that doesnt help.
Hope this helps, good luck!
2007-03-09 03:11:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have him go to the money management class with you!!
Keep track of what he spends and after a couple months add it up for him, detailed on paper so he can see how much money he throws away. It's time for a budget, and time to set some financial goals, and you can't accomplish a goal unless you're both on the same page. Sounds like he needs to mature quite a bit.
2007-03-09 11:07:34 · answer #2 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, we've waded through a lot of junk in our almost 18 years married, we always work it out. Our love and relationship is stronger and deeper than ever. You are feeling totally resentful, which is an awful place to be. You need to get your attitude back in a positive place, for the sake of your kids and your husband. Only you can change yourself - you are putting blame all on your husband. Girl, your problems have nothing to do with finances - that's just what you pick on to fight about. There are other issues you have to deal with - and start with yourself. Good luck.
2007-03-09 16:39:37 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying. I live in a similar situation. I never have anything for myself. I try to talk to my husband but I think hes an alien. We are like two ships that pass in the night. You need to make a life for yourself. The hell with him. When it comes to the kids I do not complain. But my husband controls all the money he buys anything he wants. Hes into weightlifting so he spends a ton on supplements. I can't even get my hair colored anymore because he says we can't afford it. I am looking for part time work and I need to get out on my own. That's what I suggest for you, step away from him and don't rely on him for anything. I have done this, I started working out spending time apart from him and I am meeting new people. You need to feel good about yourself.
Branch out don't nag live normally but just do more for you.
He'll see and he'll come around. Respect yourself.
2007-03-09 11:10:28 · answer #4 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing I told my sister when her husband wanted to know where the money went. Start a journal, list his, hers, home. List everything that gets spent even if its just a 25 cent gumball. At the end of the month have him look it over. No cheating though, list everything even if you have to dig through his car for the bills. For my sister her husband took a huge step up and admitted where he was wrong. Cant deny the black and white...Try that see what happens and best of luck
2007-03-09 11:26:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best advice is to put together a folder of all of the household exspenses and of monies spent on yourself and the kids and then show it to him. Maybe he will realize you aren't spending his money.
2007-03-09 11:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same here... we rent, but he's happy w/his sports while i'd like to get a house someday...maybe on my own in another life!!
2007-03-09 11:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by momof3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should take a whole months stack of bills and payments and put them in front of him when he starts complaing or wants something else.
2007-03-09 11:09:28 · answer #8 · answered by wongfiehung2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Given the rules you have set for our answers, all you can do is communicate with him and compromise.
2007-03-09 11:04:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋