Hard situation with my girlfriend! HeLp!?

Question

Okay, I have been with my girlfriend almost a year. Going into the relationship I knew she was into drugs really bad. I got her a lot of help, and never left her side. I was always there for her! She relapsed close to Christmas, and afterwards she said she never did until just recently (this past month) and come to find out, she has actually NEVER stopped doing drugs. She is on probation and could go to jail for 4-6 years if shes busted! She and cried a lot last night, and hugged, well this morning she also told me she did COCAIN not just weed! That's HUGE! She said shes changing, that she wants to, and that I am her only hope. We signed a year contract for a house together and it doesn't end until Dec of 07. I don't want to give up, I am drug testing her every month to see how she is doing, and if she's really trying. I am in love with her, and I believe she feels the same about me, but what should I do? I need a lot of help! I have never done drugs, or drank! Real answers please!

Answer 1

Well let me just introduce myself. I am a 26 year old guy living in Maine. I was hooked on Oxycontin for 6 years solid. It was a very gripping addiction. It gets to the point where if you don't have the drug then your body starts to change back to the way it used to be without drugs. This is called the DTs. This blows and it is very hard to deal with. I ended up going to a hospital doing a detox program. I went into a methadone clinic after and whatever blah blah blah.. All I'm saying is that she is going to tell you whatever you want to hear to get her thru the next day. Get her to her next fix. She has to really want it and if shes just telling you she does and really doesn't than she is just lying to you because her addiction is so bad. She isn't lying because she doesn't care for you. Its just that shes lying because her addiction is so bad she has to do anything possible to feel normal. And if that means lying to you, her friends, family, police she will do it. But on my 3rd day of the Methadone treatment I slipped into a coma. I was airlifted to a major hospital an hour away and died (well flatlined for 3 mins straight). They almost quit on me but they didn't. I woke up with a machine breathing for me, strapped down to a bed with bruises up and down my whole arm. Wrist to shoulder from the seisurez I had while I was in my coma. I have been clean ever since that episode. I just hope that something like that doesn't happen to her just to make her realize that she has to quit. If I could turn back time to right after I detoxed I woulda had someone lock me up in a room and not let me out for 3 weeks. After I came down and all. Because there is only one addiction that you can die from which you have to be weened down from. Thats alcoholism. I suggest counseling or moving to a different area/state even. You have to get her away from her connections.

And I know you said something about the house agreement.
Whats more important. Your partner or your lease.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend, she does have a lot to deal with. Your girlfriend has a lot more than a drug problem, she may even have what is known as a dual-diagnosis problems, in which depression, bi-polar and other psychological problems enter the picture. By the way all of these are treatable and curable, but she/you need to seek professional counseling, the sooner the better, but do your research first not all centers are created equally, you need one that understands the "Dual-Diagnosis" aspect and even specializes in it as well as a center that understands and doesn't judge your relationship. Best of luck, I'll pray for both of you, Christian

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to find out why you are co-dependent. Your probably trying to be the best person you can be, but at some point, you need to take care of yourself and love yourself the way you are trying to for her. Best to back away, even if you get a fined for not keeping your house contract. You may lose more just by staying, both emotionally, physically, etc. Sounds like a bad place to be, and get some counseling to get in the right direction...take care of yourself first, and then you'll be on the right track to a healthier relationship.

Answer 4

From someone who once had a Cocaine Addiction You need to get her away from the people she scores from also if she goes to the bathroom allot also takes a longer shower BINGO . The bathroom is a drug addicts best friend when your trying to hide it. I would find a Detox program for her also attend NA meetings It will be hard and she will relapse but help her get back up. Because Your all she as to help her right now Good luck friends if you need someone to talk to E-mail me anytime [e-mail]

Answer 5

Leave.
Sounds like she lies to you on a regular basis. Love is an emotion, and emotions can lead us into dangerous situations. I don't know how you can get out of that house lease, but if she ends up in prison you may have to figure this out anyway.
She may have emotional feelings for you, but she certainly does not love you. Love is a commitment, not just a feeling. She does not sound like she is committed to anything other than drugs.

Answer 6

She is manipulating you, telling she needs you to get clean. Yet she is not getting clean, it seems her drug use is escalating!! What is wrong with you? This is what they do. How do u tell if an addict is lying? Thier mouth is moving. You need to kick her out of your house. Ever consider that you could be implicated if drugs are found in you home or your car?

Kick her out and go to Alanon, so you can learn about addiction. As far as your home, get another roommate.

Answer 7

She has to decide for herself that she will change...this may take years if it happens at all.

Ask yourself what you require in a relationship and if you are getting it? Do you not deserve to be in a healthy state of being?

Yes you love her, but loving someone by itself does not make the situation work. What's Love got to do with it? Either it is a functioning relationship that brings you joy or dysfunctional which causes pain. It is your choice to make now that you know the truth of who and what you are dealing with....an addict.

Remember, a relationship without trust is a fleeting illusion.

Answer 8

As the risk of sounding harsh, you are enabling her behavior. Please walk away from this woman. While love is necessary in a relationship, it is not enough. You have to be able to trust your lover. You must be able to work out the practical details of living together. Please move on, your girlfriend needs to hit rock bottom on her own. Maybe when she does, she will clean up on her own and then you can try again. Right now, she is dragging you down with her.

Answer 9

If u love her u gotta let her go. shes hurting you in a way. and shes a leech kinda. she knows how much you love her. and she using you and shes being selfish. and maybe she really does love you, but if she does she has to realize that what shes doing( her addiction) will destroy the realtionship yall have. be stern with her and let haer know if she REALLY doesnt change this time, you are leaving her. you dont need that stress. and she needs time to heal. Also prayer works!!!!

Answer 10

Tell her flat out NO MORE MISTAKES - the next one ends your relationship. Then stick to your guns on the issue.

If she cannot choose you over the drugs there is no hope for any happiness anyway.