I feel so bad for my husband. We have been married for 8 years. Together for 10 years. At first we had sex all the time. After we got married we didn't have it as often. He always asks me to "do it" and I get all defensive. It's like a job that I hate going to. I sometimes have to make myself do it. I love him very much and thought that it was my lack of self confidence that made me this way. Could that be it? What is wrong with me?
2007-03-09 02:32:13 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get some medical or psychiatric help. something is wrong here!
2007-03-09 02:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There isnt nothing wrong with you, i total understand what your going though, cause i am the same way. i dont like having sex with my husband and he doesnt ask he just comes to me and does sexualy things to me. I wouldnt say it was lact of self confidence. Your body goes though changes, has you get older and sometimes you lose intrest in sex. Another thing maybe you hate doing it cause your sex life doesnt come natuarl to you and your partner, has it did when the two of you was younger. Not only that you it maybe that when he ask you to have sex with him lowers your action toward sex, (rather say its a turn off) You say it feels like a job, well maybe if you talk to your partner about what yours and his sex life make you feel, than maybe the two of you can make changes where it feels right to you and not feel like a job.
2007-03-09 11:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by C J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He must not be doing the things that turn you on. If he is just having sex with you selfishly and isnt taking care of your needs that could be another problem. You first have to know what makes YOU hum before you can tell him how to do better. Try masturbation. There are sex therapists for folks that really love each other and want to make their sex lives more fulfilling.
2007-03-09 10:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by Devdude 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every woman has unique inner "I-sex" which is very specific and also knows for sure with who it can have sex and with who not. You can't brake it or change it. It is very strong and stubborn and never ever will give up - till the end. I mean you can love your husband, but it is not your male, it is not your sex-partner...So this is why you can't have sex with him, your inner "I-sex" is not agree and never will be. You can go and see a doctor and maybe some doctor will help you for some time, but then again this inner power will win again and make it its way.
2007-03-09 15:02:51 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he making you feel special? Is he making you feel sexy? Is he a good lover in bed and always makes sure you are satisfied? Nobody can answer this question without more details. If he does all these things to you then it could be you just have a low sex drive. If he is not doing those things then that is the whole problem.
2007-03-09 11:33:50 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know what's wrong with you (or him), but if it is not fixed your marriage is going to go down the toilet. Men who have wives who never want to have sex are faced with 3 choices:
1. Cheat
2. Divorce
3. Be miserable forever
I don't think you like any of those, and neither does he.
I don't have enough details to know why this happened, but I think you should get yourself into a therapist's office pronto.
Any woman who tells you men are pigs for needing sex is giving you a prescription for a crap marriage.
2007-03-09 10:42:32 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Chances are that it is biologocal. My wife has the same problem and the doctor says it's because of her low levels of estrogen. My problem is that even though she knows this, she refuses to do anything about it and I'm on the edge of leaving. If you want to avoid that, I'd say try the estrogen thing. There are even some herbal products on the market that you might want to check out if you don't want to have to see the doctor first.
2007-03-09 10:59:55 · answer #7 · answered by Rob B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't dabble around with this - get a professional therapist to help you figure out what the problem is. You say you love him very much but don't want to sleep with him = issues. Don't let it ruin your marriage!
2007-03-09 10:41:21 · answer #8 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourselve a set of books by Nancy Friday, My secret Garden, etc etc... Read them with your husband, try to act out fantasies.
How sexy or horny you feel is controlled by your mind (and your endocrine system) and not your body. Finally its all just a stste of mind.
2007-03-09 13:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Andyml 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said that it was like a job, so you see it as a task. that could mean that you are BORED! maybe try it somewhere else (kitchen, shower, the car, backyard...). maybe try new positions. get a hotel room.
try initiating it, even when you dont want to, it will get you in the mood, trust me. and stay in control, tell him you're in charge and he has to do what you want.
and if it is your self confidence, remember that HE is the one who wants it, so it must not be you!!!!!!
2007-03-09 10:42:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start on some womens porn ( Erotic Romance )..
Get more exercise...Lose a little weight...
Have a few drinks & watch some porn with him...
You need to make some changes before the
problem ruins your marriage...
2007-03-09 10:36:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋