How do you stop feeling guilty due to the manipulations of others?

Question

There are families who tend to get each other do do what they don't want to do by inducing guilt, and at times that guilt can be justified, but at times it isn't, but such people don't tend to differentiate the difference.

All of us have to do what we have to do in order to survive on different levels. What is the best way to get rid of unnecessary guilt?

Answer 1

one way is to get to know yourself better, take time away for yourself. think of yourself in positive terms, if they want to lay on the guilt and you have done all you can then its should not be guilt and you should not feel guilty or even be phased by it

Answer 2

Boy, do I understand this one, having been raised by a manipulative mother.

The primary goal is to stop feeling responsible for other peoples' happiness, success, living arrangements yada yada.

Then place appropriate boundaries. Continue to do things for others. Don't get hardened. But only go so far. Do something that will be
1. Helpful to their situation.
2. Make you feel good about doing it.

DO NOT go so far that you resent having done the nice thing in the first place.

Make your boundaries clear from the beginning and don't backslide. For instance, your cousin asks you to drive her to the market. You say "okay, it's on my way home but I don't have time to wait and take you home. Are you okay with that, or do you want to find another ride from someone who can go both ways?"

When you respect your own boundaries, other people will too, eventually. It takes time. One example: My mother had invited my sister and her kids for an extended visit and then changed her mind. She wanted me to uninvite my sister. I told mom "no. It has nothing to do with me mom." Later when my sister cancelled her trip mom assumed I had done what she expected of me. I repeated "no, I never spoke of it. That was between you two, remember?"

You can have boundaries and respect as well. Your consistency will make people quit using guilt because it no longer works.

I feel families should operate with love and respect, never guilt.

Answer 3

Guilt is one of the most common forms of manipulation, and one of the most cruel because it deals with ones emotions. However, know this...you have the awesome power of free will. You have the power of being "RESPONSE" able. You can make the decision how you respond to outside stimulus. Don't allow the feelings of quilt that someone is shoving off on you to affect your sense of right and wrong. If you know that you are doing what you need to do for yourself and others, and someone is maipulating your feelings in order to try and gain control of your actions, just take back control, and know that you are justified to control your own life...Really that is all we do have control over. Do the right things for yourself and then you will know that the quilt others are trying to lay on you is for their own satisfaction...We only have power over ourselves, no one else...make your choices wisely and then there will be n o room for quilt. All guilt is really un-necessary...we may have remorse for some things, but guilt won't change it. doing the things that we know are the right things to do can alleviate quilt before it starts, but kicking ourselves over the past just keeps us stuck there, even if it is guilt that is inflicted by others...of course, we have the power not to allow feelings of guilt to control us...just don't!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you know you have done all you can, then that's it...you've done all you can. PERIOD, its over. Learn from anything that you can and go on...you know the serenity prayer..."Grant me the power to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

Answer 4

You realize that either you or your parents worked hard for what you have and other people try to bring you down because they're jealous..I know how you feel since I come from a family in the upper part of the middle class and I am sick of people saying oh you didn't need a new purse you could've donated that money to charity.......be proud of what you and your family have accomplished and you're not holding anyone down by having money or things...it took me awhile to get over the guilty feelings but for the most part I'm over them........

Also if someone says something like "oh you should've donated (insert something here) to charity)" turn it back on them and ask them why they have a closet full of clothes or a newer model car....that's what works for me

Answer 5

Not take it on in the first place. Just because someone is trying to guilt trip you into doing something, doesn't mean you have to feel guilty. Just say no. If they continue, tell them to grow up, then leave.

Answer 6

edTo just let it go and stop blaming yourself. you have to come to understand that things that happen in the past were in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it. You have to learn from your mistake and start looking into the future.
I was manipulated myself. Someone who i thought loved me and wanted to be with me only used me for money to get drugs. I dated him for two years when I finally realized how wrong and stupid I was. I wasted time and money with a loser. Now after a year I learned from this jerk and know what I am looking for in life and seeing things in another way. I know that this was in the past and now I have so much hope for the future.

Answer 7

To make your question more easily answered,could you clarify who the manipulator is in your situation and the general nature of the manipulations?

Are the manipulations counter productive or harmful to the manipulated persons interests or general state of well being?

Answer 8

Yes, and that makes me think of that show "Everybody Loves Raymond" that we watch every night. That show is funny though because it relieves our pent-up emotions for people who have tried to control us through manipulation!!

It sounds like you already know where your source of feeling unfairly manipulated is located. Now it's your job to stop their habit of trying to control you and also breaking your Own Habit of Letting them Get Away With It. That's very important, taking the steps to free yourself. You have what it takes too, I bet. Good Luck. @8-)

Answer 9

You are downsteam drinking in the toxic environment of the principals that foment it and practice it. You cannot screen it all out. Recognizing it, as you have, can help you develop plans in your search for, and your move, to less toxic environments. Don't drink that water. Seek a fresher and more potable water to drink for your life.

Answer 10

Stop feeling guilty due to the manipulations of others.

Like the man said, the only way to disarm is to disarm.