I posted a question last week saying that my mom was sick and should i go to see her after 10 years, Thanks for all of your helpful answers...My mom died last night and I did not feel anything nor did I cry at all! My siblings are calling after 11 years expecting me to give them money for flowers and such, well i feel I will bring/send my own flowers if i feel the need and i don't want to have nothing to do with those IMBECELLES that have not thought a thing about me for over 10 years and now asking for money? give me a break! Am i wrong for not wanting to be bothered with those loooooooooosers? I guess some part of me still loves my mom but i can't get it together right now to visit the funeral home.
2007-03-09 01:29:36 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sound bitter and angry at your birth family and those emotions keep you from feeling your real emotions due to the death of your mom. So sorry about your loss.
Talk to a professional.
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2007-03-09 01:36:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the hurt of a family that is not kind. Go to the funeral just out of respect for the fact that she was your mother. Give them your share of the money for flowers. You are done!!!
You will have shown respect for a mother that did not do the same for you. You have turned the other cheek for the last time. My one sister and I did not exist in our family until my mother got ill. Then she wanted us to take care of her. I did do some . So I have no regrets. I did much more than the brother and sister, my mother gave everything . Be the bigger person and don't worry if you don't cry. I did not either. Neither did my sister who was treated badly. Your feeling had been killed along time ago, you did your crying over the years. Hold your head up high and show respect just because she was your mother not what she did for you or did to you. You are a better person. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-03-09 01:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing when my dad died, to start with you can pick your friends, you can't pick you family. Having said that I'll assume someone in the family contacted you about mom being sick, so not all of them are ate up with ignorance.
I could rail on an on but here's the bottom line. She was your mother, right wrong or otherwise. Out of respect for motherhood do what you can, just because the family is a few fries short of a happy meal, don't mean you have to stoop to their level, then your no better than them.
As far as the emotions, they may or may not come, depends on what had happened in your past.
I knew my father about 5-6 yrs. b/4 he died, and it was more like an acquaintance than a father. When my step dad died 7 yrs. ago I still haven't got over it
And from what I learned I make sure I tell my teenage son's and older step daughters I love them every day.
My wife like to see the "softer side of me"
Hope this helps
2007-03-09 01:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard when you lose a loved one. You do love her even if your relationship wasn't the best. Don't do anything you're not ready for. I couldn't bring myself to go to my best friend's funeral and be around all those people...a week later I went and sat at her grave alone and talked to her. I hadn't spoken to her in years and there was so much I had bottled up. Take your time and you may never cry about this but that doesn't mean you aren't saddened by it and it's not hurting you. As for the losers in your family, if you're going to send flowers send them from YOU and you only or bring them on your own and make it known they're from you and not for them. I'm sorry for your loss and state of mind right now. It will get less confusing and easier to understand with time.
2007-03-09 01:40:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ten years with out a relationship is a long time. Maybe you didn't/haven't cried because you don't feel close to her. If you haven't seen her in 10 years anyway, where is the loss?
The reason people cry when someone dies is that they have lost someone they care deeply about. If you didn't have a relationship with her, then there is no reason to feel guilty about not crying.
That said, I am sorry to hear about your mother dying before the two of you could develop the sort of relationship where you would cry at her death,
2007-03-09 01:35:25 · answer #5 · answered by Steve H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's o.k. that you haven't cried yet - you may never cry about it, you weren't close so right now you don't feel a great loss. As far as visiting the funeral home - be careful that you don't make a decision that you end up regretting, you might want to reconsider going - not for your siblings - but so you can have closure.
2007-03-09 01:38:11 · answer #6 · answered by Zabes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You've suppressed emotion over her for so long, it's hard to just bring it up. My dad died. I was close to him, but my life was stressful, and I had been emotionally numb for years. I got the call (he was ill too and only 58), and I didn't cry at all...until the next day. Unfortunately, it has been four years, and I still cry. But...as for your siblings...YOU DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT. It's NONE of their business what you are comfortable doing or not doing. You have to deal and live with your choices and make them comfortable for yourself. Good luck and deepest sympathy on your loss.
2007-03-09 01:51:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can pay your respect to your mom when you feel ready to - I think if you do not head to the funeral you may regret it, but I am not sure - perhaps if there is a burial go there and stand off to the side - and do what makes you feel best. Bring a favorite flower of yours or something that is a happy memory from you and your mom (Try to dig deep for one)???
If you can't stomach the [family] go hours later or when you feel ready to let this grieving process go.
2007-03-09 01:35:28 · answer #8 · answered by kelly e 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is terrible news to hear and let me be the first to say....."I'm Sorry."
But now to the question at hand.
If it was my mother I would send something for my mother but I don't think I would send it directly to my family especially after all these long lost years.
But you have to ask your self this question, why can't I forgive my mother and family in this time of need?
That is the question at hand.
Your family needs you and your mom I sure would like to see you before the good Lord takes her home.
I don't know what happened to you and your family but things need to be forgotten and remember the loss of someone very special.
Even if you can't make the services you still need to go and see her and talk to her.
Remember she is your mother and i'm sure she did love you terribily.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Good Luck
2007-03-09 01:40:04 · answer #9 · answered by turtlepowered350 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its all right, hon. You're grieving in your own way. And a death in the family will not likely change your entire aspect on life, no matter what the movies say. Especially if you haven't talked to them in 10 years. Go to the funeral, if you can. It could help you understand your feelings. Don't beat yourself up about not crying tho!
2007-03-09 01:33:46 · answer #10 · answered by glinda2125 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are hiding you pain, give them money for flowers, go to the funeral home and pay your last respects. Until you have done this you will be unable to deal with the grief to come, and it will. But as the saying goes time heals all wounds.
2007-03-09 01:36:37 · answer #11 · answered by James B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋