why am i treating my husband like crap?i had a baby 3 months ago, could this have anything to do with it?

Question

im a stay at home mom now. my husband owns his own company. we have a 6 year old and 3 month old. i am not very nice to my husband. i dont really talk to him, not very affectionant, go to bed without saying good night, and so on. maybe its just stress from a new baby. i dont think im depressed cus im happy most of the time. i just think about a lot of stuff. i wish i had a real wedding, a honeymoon, i would like a bigger car, i have a lot of medical bills, our electic bill is past due, i want to have money to get my hair done and eyebrows waxed- but dont want to use money for that. i have no money available to me unless he gives me some. my name is not on the bank account-this bugs me alot. i just need some advice. i love him with all my heart and he deserves to be treated better

Answer 1

Does he??
HAve you told him you would like to be on the bank account. That you feel like you have to ask him for everything. Yes he works a job with the paycheck...but what about you. Remind him if you left..what would he spend in daycare...housekeeping...ect.
Your treating him badly because you blame him for your unhappiness...no one is to blame but you...do something about it. Talk to him, if he's not responsive and will not make you his partner...then you can blame him.

Answer 2

You don't have to feel "sad" to suffer from depression. All those things you said contribute to how you feel towards your husband right now, and all are signs of post-partem depression. You probably also feel a little resentful that he gets to get out of the house every day to work while you're stuck at home taking care of babies! You need some "you" time. And it doesn't have to be expensive. Get hubby to watch the kids about an hour in the afternoons. Go on a walk without the kids to clear your mind. Or read a book, or take a nap, or take a long hot bubble bath...whatever you need to relax and calm you.
If your finances worry you, work with your husband to plan a sensible budget. Even though he is the working one, your household budget should be a joint effort. Having a say-so in your finances and having a plan to save for (vacation, new car, whatever) will give you a goal and something to look forward to and a sense of accomplishment.
And it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about it and maybe get some medication, temporarily, for your depression.

Oh, and ACT like you adore your husband....start being affectionate, kiss him goodnight, every night, tell him you love him..the more you put it into action, the more your body and brain start to believe it!!

Good luck!

Answer 3

You actually put the answer in your question, you are acting out your unhappiness about the situation by treating your husband as bad as you feel. You mention 1, your name not on bank acct, 2, you don't have money for new car, getting hair done, etc., 3 you are disappointed about your wedding, honeymoon, 4. concerned about money situation. You have a lot of disappointment inside you. You are the only person who can overcome the disappointment about the wedding and honeymoon or change that. Decide that in 10 (or 15 or 20) years you and your husband will get "re-married" with a wedding and honey-mmon the way you envisioned. You'll have that to look forward to and plan. And as for the rest, is your husband doing his best? Could he use a little help from you? What is your earning potential or is it more feasible for you to continue to stay home due to child care expenses? Is there anyting in his business you could be doing at home while the kids are napping or at school like cold calling to drum up business or filing or accounting? If you have a roof over your head, food for yourselves and children and transportation (my last car was a 13 year old Ford Escort before I got a new one). It sounds as if you may be disappointed and emotionally and this extreme feelings may be heightened by the hormone changes experienced after the birth of a child. Why not talk to you ob-gyn or family doctor or contact your health insurance provider for a referral to a good therapist. Your local church pastor is also usually qualified to conduct counseling. Volunteer a few hours at a nursing home, hospice or hospital or homeless shelter and you will see so many more people who are worse off than you! You need to appreciate what you have. Get a girlfriend to come over, ask hubby to watch the kids, and plan hair salon together, you do her hair, she does yours, you do her nail, she does yours (its like when we had sleepovers when we were teenagers and it can be fun)!. You need to open your eyes to what you have and appreciate it (including your husband and kids). Give your husband a hot oil back massage (warm up baby oil on the stove or in the microwave) and ask him to reciprocate the next night. Give him a back rub after working a hard day and the next time you've had a rough day with the kids ask him to do the same for you. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 4

I suppose that some of what you are feeling is post-partum depression, but I think that's a cop-out answer. I think some, not all, women use that as an excuse.

I think you resent your husband. It sounds like you and he are having some financial hardship and perhaps the birth of a second child has compounded that issue. I know what it feels like to be a stay at home mother and feeling like you have no money for just YOU...it sounds eerily familiar to what my husband and I went through during the first year after our son was born. I had no money to treat myself to anything and since giving up my full-time job to be at home with the baby, I felt guilty about spending any of his money on myself. I went without haircuts, new clothes, and even new bras for a that first year. It does SUCK!! I went back to work part-time last year and I now have my own pocket money and we are all much happier.

I'm not saying that you should go back to work, because for some people it just isn't practical. The only way I can do it is by working evenings and Saturdays, around my husband's schedule. But for those who can't afford daycare or don't want to do daycare, going back to work is darn near impossible. What I am saying though, is that you discuss all of these issues that you brought up with your husband and tell him exactly what you posted here. Have you ever told your husband how you feel? I would also tell him that you want YOUR name on that account OR you want your own account that he can give you an allowance (I hate that term) so that you have SOME money that you can spend on yourself. Everyone needs pocket money and everyone SHOULD be given that right. By staying home with the kids, you save the family thousands of dollars a year. Why shouldn't you be given some money to blow on yourself?

If you feel unsafe about discussing these issues with your husband, I would seek a neutral third party to mediate. I'm sure if you got these issues out in the open, you could work tgether on solving them. If your husband has no idea why you are treating him so badly, and you've never brought these issues to his attention, then he has no idea how to help you feel better about yourself, and your marriage.

You owe to him, your family, and yourself to bring these out into the open so you can begin to repair what's wrong and get back on track. Perhaps if you know someone close to you that you trust who is a financial wiz, perhaps they could sit down with you and go over your finances and put you and your husband on a budget, which allows you BOTH to have your own spending money.

Best of luck to both of you!

Answer 5

You are very stressed out and you are depressed. Sometime depression especially postpartum depression comes out in different ways. For me it was being overwhelmed with all my responsibilities and that my husband could come and go as he pleased and I had to take care of the kids. (of course there is more to it then that) Being a stay at home mom is hard, especially when you feel like you should be doing something to contribute to the house hold budget. You are doing the most important thing, raising your children, they will always remember that you were there for them. I became angry and distant from my husband too. Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and see what he or she has to say.

Answer 6

hello...

maybe you are suffering from depression? having a baby takes a lot out of a person -- and now you have a lot more responsibility in your life. have you considered talking with your doctor?

sometimes we put on a "happy face" to cover up our real mood...

meanwhile, it looks like you and your husband have a lot of financial stress in your life right now. you want some things, but aren't able to afford them at this time.

....and from what you've written here, you seem to have a lot of regrets.

your issues are likely a combination of things. perhaps you might want to sit down with your husband, and calmly discuss your feelings? You said you love him with all your heart.

you can tell him how you feel... after all, you said he deserves to be treated better.

i hope everything works out well.

Answer 7

This is SO normal. It's just hormones. Now with the money issues I don't know what to tell ya, but women tend to stress more about stuff when hormones are going crazy!! If you don't see a change in you mood, go to the Doc you may have postpartum depression. I did, easily fixed with some good ole Zoloft! :)

Answer 8

Tell him you need time alone like getting your hair and nails done and just need a little money to hang out with the girls once in a while maybe get a part time job to in marriage you should share the bank account tell him to add u

Answer 9

when you have a family sometimes you have to do with out to give your kids what they need its normal to worry about bills if you want your hair done take a day to do it let some family member babysit make your husband give you some money and eat out too

Answer 10

well, maybe start with a small thing...show him that you love him. he is probably stressed too if you have finacial issues....give a little get a little...work together as a team. he will appreciate it and you will too. You can not just demand "I want this and I want that"...
You might have slight depressions though after just having the baby.
Try your best!!!