I've been married for 4 years now and I've never been unfaithful to my husband, although I have to admit that I often dream and day-dream about it. Plus, at the gym there's this incredibly attractive man and sometimes we talk, nothing big. I feel there's a subtle but dangerous attraction growing, what can I do? Please don't tell me to change gym!
2007-03-09 01:18:38 · 29 answers · asked by aletheok 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
keep away
2007-03-09 01:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you make wedding vow at the your wedding, you are entitle to be faithful and commit only to your other half. You are saying nothing happened and it is not harmful to anyone YET!! However, you are already breaking your vow by stepping into this so called harmless temptation. If you are not emotionally strong enough to overcome this attraction towards this attractive man at your gym, than you are best not to associate with him at all. You said "Please don't tell me to change gym!", this tells me that you are not willing to change anything. Feelings come and go...attractions come and fade away. BUT you've already made a vow. There are many temptations in life. If you give into any and every temptation that may come in your way, you will not be any different from non-human. You need to control your feelings and focus more into your marriage. If...you are unhappy with your marriage or you are currently experiencing problems with your husband..and have decided to split..than it's a whole other story. Please do not bring yourself to where you are not in control of your feeling.
2007-03-09 09:44:24 · answer #2 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This answer has little to do with how I live my life, at the moment. But i am in a crappy, unhappy relationship right now. And actively trying to change. Married for 8 years, I understand temptation like you wouldn't believe. When people marry, they make a promise to forsake all others, to make personal sacrifices. THIS is one of your personal sacrifices you need to decide upon. THIS will determine your attitude towards your marriage and your husband for the rest of your life. At this moment in your life, realize that you have the power to make a huge mistake. Or a huge decision (for OR against your marriage). Your decision on this is not just dealing with 'a crush'. It's outlining who you are inside and what you expect of yourself in the future. Who do you want to become? (and check out the other side of the plate....if your husband had a crush & acted.....would you still respect him as your husband? Would you want to be his second choice?) That "subtle but dangerous attraction" is your gut telling you this is more than a school girl, "i think it would be fun" crush. Realize what you are playing with before you join the game. Because once you have a taste of that side, your senses will be screwed from that moment on. If you want to leave your husband or do not love him & he knows that, then none of this matters. But if you want a quality life, married or not, then think deeper than just what your body is telling you.
2007-03-09 09:37:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all have crushes, some on a favorite movie star, a sports figure, even a cute mailman or doctor,but your situation is just what you described...a dangerous attraction. It's one thing to blush at the sight of Brad Pitt or Michael Jordan, or whoever, on the cover of a magazine, but this close encounter of a very personal kind in the gym is heartbreak waiting to happen. Could you possiblly work out at a different time? Could your husband join you? Look, marriages do get stale from time to time, but you sound like a smart girl, too smart, in fact, to risk your life as you know it. He may, in fact, be running a game on you, and loving the fact that you are married....hoping for something clandestine without committment. You don't seriously want to drag this garbage into your marriage. I won't tell you to change gyms , but I'd invest in some good home equipment, or else take my husband with me. Don't mess with fire; it burns and leaves scars!!
2007-03-09 09:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree it's okay to do some mild, harmless flirting but definitely make it known you are married so he gets the hint that nothing more will come of this. I have guy friends and my husband knows and trusts me enough. I mildly flirt with them from time to time and they flirt back but they totally respect the fact that I'm just teasing and I love my husband very much. Do you get enough girl time? Sometimes if your life is consumed by your significant other and there's no time for yourself it can cause you to start "fantasizing" about all kinds of things...as long as you don't act on it, you're fine. You have to keep control and stay in control or you'll lose it and wreck your marriage. If you don't get a girl's night once or twice a month then you need to make sure you get that time in....make sure he gets guy time every month as well. Just keep reminding yourself how much you love your husband and how much your marriage means to you. This is a way of testing your love and marriage...resist the temptation and you will prevail! Best of luck!
2007-03-09 09:33:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, dream away!!!! Enjoy your fantasies because they are never as great for "real" as they are in your head. If you have a "crush" on a guy at the gym, so what? As long as you don't act on it, there is nothing wrong with smiling and enjoying watching him. Who knows, he might have a boyfriend? Who cares? He can be whomever you want him to be in your own mind! Now here is the trick....when your hubby gets home, be all fresh from a bubble bath and ready...tell him you've been thinking of this all day long! It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you come home for dinner! The Sassy Old Broad has spoken!! Godloveya, honey!
2007-03-09 09:35:10 · answer #6 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Pfft...Don't listen to the above poster with the "divorce" talk lol. It's perfectly normal to have those feelings, its chemical, and theres nothing you can do to stop it. Crossing the line is to actually act upon these feelings. Just let the guy at the gym know you are married! He will probably take it down a notch and you will still be gym friends. If its a situation where he keeps coming on to you, you might need to go to the gym at a different time to avoid him
2007-03-09 09:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by Skye 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love your husband (which in my opinion is the real question here) then you need to stop talking to this other man. I would say change gyms to. Trust me this never turns out good. My exhusband would "harmlessly" flirt with other women at his job all the time, well guess what...he started having affairs with these women and ended up leaving me for one of the tramps. So, if you love your husband you will stop this behavior immediately!
2007-03-09 11:21:34 · answer #8 · answered by suzyalexisandgabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you thinking about acting on this attraction? If not, then why wouldn't it be good advice to change gyms? This may be the best way to really save yourself from be unfaithful. You know the best way to deal with this crush is to remove yourself from the situation. Hope you make the right decision.
2007-03-09 09:24:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to grow up little girl and behave like a mature and responsible woman.
You are married. So stop kidding yourself that you are having a "nothing big" talk with an incredibly attractive man. You are treading on VERY thin ice. Walk away! Better yet, RUN!
And then get yourself into therapy to find out why you are willing to risk everything for such silly nonsense as a crush.
2007-03-09 09:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Quit talking to the meat head! You are married, why are you trying to pursue a relationship with someone else? Get your hubby to come to the gym with you and then you will for sure stay away from that man.
2007-03-09 12:13:01 · answer #11 · answered by Kari R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋