need your opinion ladies.... going crazy...?

Question

My wife and I have been doing counceling for a while now. We are in the beginning of what i feel is the divorce phase. I know that I am not "In Love" with her and haven't been for some time.. I am however in love with another woman. We have known each other for over a year and have been intimate for the last couple months. The other day she told me that she needs to take a step back. She has been divorced for a year and was with him for 13 years total (married for 3). We have both told each other that we love each other. She just started a new job so I know she has some pressure there. She has told me that she needs to get some things straighten out in her life before she can tell me she wants to be with me for the rest of her life. I know that I am the only man she has been with since her divorce, i don't even think she dated since before me. I am so afraid of giving her distance and she walks away. She knows how i feel and that i want to share my life with her. What do i do?

Is she doing this to see if i go through a divorce? Maybe she wants to date others? Would she tell me that there is a chance in our future just to keep me happy?

Answer 1

YOU REP WHAT YOU SEW.DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE AND YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO BE OK. YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT LIKE YOU HURT YOUR WIFE.

Answer 2

I am going to be blunt. Your other woman is backing out from the deal. The whole get things straighten out in her life, is just an excuse. She's definately backing out. Now that you are getting a divorce soon, it hits her that you are serious while she's 'confused' means she's not that serious and the 'oh oh' alarm is ringing in her head. I think she might be feeling guilty if her marriage ended with the same circumstances and now the role has reversed. I am really sorry that you gave up your marriage (not judging you, I believe everyone has their own rights to be happy) but I don't think the woman that you are in love with is ready to jump into another serious relationship with you that fast. Give her space, if she really loves you and wants to be with you, no distance can seperate the two of you. Please don't cling on to her because she will feel even more pressured and would look for the exit fast. Give her time, first deal with your whole divorce thing, be fair to your wife since you have fallen out of love with her, set her free and then settle all those loose ends first. I am sure by then the woman that you love would have enough time and space to decide what she wants. And you will be level headed enough to think of what you want rather than be driven with passion like right now. Also please don't be bitter if the other woman of yours decides to walk away eventhough you really don't want her to but sometimes it's just bad timing and things just don't seem right at the moment, but maybe in the future, the two of you will finally be together. Good luck!

Answer 3

sorry to hear your marriage is breaking up.

meanwhile, if you are getting a divorce, it's unadvisable to jump right into another relationship, even if you are NOT IN LOVE with your wife anymore.

we really need time for ourselves after a divorce, to reflect and to "get some things straightened out in life", as your other woman has told you. they say this process can take 1-2 years, depending upon the person.

if you get together with someone else right away, it would likely be a rebound relationship. believe me, those don't last.

i think that, while you feel you are in love with this other woman (and you might be), you are also reaching out to another human being for comfort. perhaps bring this up to your therapist... can you make an appointment to see him or her alone?

You said you are "afraid of giving her distance and she walks away".... if she does walk away, then a relationship with you isn't what she needs.

Take care of YOU first....

Answer 4

First of all, you tell your wife so she can be tested for STDs and HIV/AIDS since you have been fooling around. You should get divorced first, take some time to figure out what went wrong in the marriage, about a year, then start dating. Don't drag another woman into your mess.

Answer 5

I think that she doesn't want to rush into anything after being married and divorced it is very hard to do it again without things about for a while. Gettting divorced in not something a woman wants to do again. I think she needs some time to think about it and see that you really want her. Let her know that you are there for her but give her some space. If she really loves you she miss you and come back.

Answer 6

How can you say you are going through counseling with your wife yet are getting busy on the side with another woman? Of course, you are in a divorce phase because you are CHEATING and your wife has no clue about it.

In the end you will loose both, one a good woman and the other is as pathetic as you are.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Go through with your divorce - it's obvious you don't love your wife if you're in love with another woman. Then you need to sit back and have your own space and explore life and see what you want to do with it. Don't do it because of this other woman. If you are meant to be together, you will be.

Answer 8

First of all, why spending money in counselling if you are cheating with another woman. The idea of marriage counselling is to fix the relationship, obviusly you are NOT willing to do that because you are involved with someone else.

I'm sure that you just want to divorce your wife because of the other woman..... this is a BAD idea.

For what you tell us about the other woman, obvioulsy she doesn't want you to get a divorce because of her, simply because she is not that serious about you. She is very smart! She wants to see what "out there" and play the field some more and she wishes NOT to settle for the first cheater that came her way. (a.k.a. you). She is backing out because she sees that you are willing to go thought with this and she doesn't... Samrt cookie! Who would like to give up the perks of being a girlfriend and trade them for cleaning and doing your laundry...NO WAY! She wats to be free and that means with someone else cleaning for you !

Obvioulsy, she is even smarter to KNOW that a cheater ain't no catch, and that once a cheater, always a cheater. She knows (and I'm assuming from experience) that if you did it to your wife, you will do it to her too. She is very clever not to be willing to take that chance with an adulterer like you.

My advice. Listen to your smart mistress and let her go, for her sake and yours. See how your marriage is gouing to improve once the other woman is out of the picture. YOu mistress doesn't love you, she just want to play around and you are becoming way too serious for her taste.

Break up with yor mistress and fix your marriage is my honest advice.

Good luck

Answer 9

in my opinion, The mistress is giving you ample time to make sure you end your marriage. She also is trying to go thru her own thing right now too. Maybe the space thing is exactly what you need to slow down whatever you and the mistress started.If she cares about you like you say then there is that old saying, " If you let her go and she comes back it was meant to be, if not then it wasn't meant to be." I don't know if you believe in fate or not but you might want to give it a try.

Answer 10

sshe may be wanting to make sure u get your divorce and also may need some time to think u guys have only been together a year she needs more time than that to say she wants to get married wait another year after your divorce she wants to make sure your devoted to her

Answer 11

well I went through that phase and it's OK I told my now fiance that i needed to step back also because i wanted to make sure that this was not just a rebound thing you cause after you leave a marriage or relationship you want someone to just hold you I think you two will be find she just wants to make sure that her feelings are sincere