Friends and Spouses?

Question

I've had a best friend for the last 21 years. My parents never 'approved of her'; husband doesn't like her; counselor says she's a bad influence. To us, we're the only ones in each other lives where we feel honestly accepted, when we are "good" or "bad", "stupid" or "smart". As kids, we both went thru extremely traumatic events together (her dad died unexepectedly when we were 13; i was in a life threatening/changing accident that year). We've lived in seperate states for the last 15 years, but that hasn't hindered our frienship. We've helped each other thru abusive situations (@ home & w/ men), learning together. She was my maid of honor. We've been thru miscarriages & raising kids. Currently, I'm married, going thru a very rough time w/ him, I want 2 leave & he wants to fix it. She's unmarried & having an unplanned 3rd baby. She is giving the baby my middle name. My husband says I shouldn't go. She was there for me when I needed her. I want to be there. Is it wrong to go

He is against me going to her town because while i was in the process of (trying) to leave him last summer, i cheated on him while gone. to help him thru that w/ this, i have told him he should go with me. he thinks this is ok, as long as he gets to say whatever to whomever, because i hut him while i was there and they knew it. but i don't want him actting that way while there. she's not to blame for my actions.

he says this will be the final straw. it's my guilt that is keeping me from deciding, i think.

Answer 1

If you're asking here you probably have a niggling little voice saying "maybe not...". After all, if you were 100% sure going was right you'd already be there.

It sounds like you and your friend have been through a ton together, not all of it good. That can build a strong relationship. But you also have a whole range of people telling you she may not be the best influence in your life. Even hearing only your side of this story I'd have to look at them maybe being right if she made it easy for you to cheat on your husband while you were visiting her, unmarried and having her 3rd baby that was not planned... She doesn't sound like she has her life or priorities straight.

It sounds as if your marriage really needs some effort from you at this time if it's going to work. If she's pressuring you or just playing on your emotions by naming the baby after you, you need to ask yourself what she's doing it for. You don't say she's having a problem pregnancy so why does she need *your* help? Is it only you who can give her aid? How long is she expecting you to stay and help? If you leave your marriage in shambles to help her, what are you left with when she no longer needs you?

These are the questions I'd want to answer before I decided whether to go or not.

Answer 2

You should have respect for your parents, husband, and counselor who are all trying to help you. Instead you want to do what you want to do and in the end you could loose the 3 people who care about you the most. This girl cannot provide anything for you but a friendship (which is important) but what your husband and parents have to offer you is way more valuable.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Go and be with your friend. Men come and go but a good friend will still be there. Your husband should understand.

Answer 4

It is not wrong at all just be sure u want a divorce good luck!

Answer 5

Why shouldn't you go? If she has always been there for you then you should do the same.

Answer 6

If you feel strongly about it then go. Especially if you feel she needs you.

Answer 7

no she is very important to you so go

Answer 8

just go

Answer 9

i see no reason why you shouldnt go... you have a bond with your friend... go!