I REALLY need your help here... please? =]?

Question

Okay, so I have a friend who's 15. She's depressed and has been struggling with a lot of things. I have been really trying to help her by talking about her problems and relating to my depression that I struggled with for the longest time. (And still do occasionally). Well, in any case, she constantly tells me that if it weren't for me, she would commit suicide. That in itself scares me. She's been my best friend for 5 years.

Well, just the other day when she was in a really deep period of anger and depression, she began to drink! I would never expect that she would do this. Well, today she's coming over to my house to do a sort of weekly discussion (of life and depression and stuff)...and I don't know what to say, what to do. I feel so awkward around her now, and it's just so hard for me to realize that my best friend is doing this to herself.

Answer 1

Okay well, you are very young, but very brave, to be trying to tackle this on your own. I honestly feel you need to get an adult involved. Seek help and then instead of the adult confronting your friend, which tends to scare teens away, you get the answers and talk with her.

The only advise I can give you as an adult is, tell your friend that you love her and she means a lot to you. Tell her that the drinking is hurting her and when she hurts you do too. Tell her that YOU of all people know her pain and depression are valid and that you are willing to work her through this if she would quit hurting herself with the alcohol. Tell her that you feel it would be in her best interest to see a doctors opinion for some medications or physiological help. Tell her that she DOESN'T have to feel this way and there is so much more in life to look forward to than this stinky old depression!!

Give her hugs and be sure to tell this while looking her straight in the eyes.

I too, suffer on and off from depression. Get outside in the sun and take walks. Lots of people suffer from seasonal depression and doing things for yourself and changing your environment helps greatly!!! Get out of the daily routine and add something 'spicy and different' to your lineup.

Good luck my dear and remember, you are young too and you shouldn't have to fight this battle alone. Seek help from her parents, your parents, or another adult (maybe a teacher or counselor) for more advice!!!

Answer 2

Tell her that you don't want to feel that her life depends on you so she should be getting help from a real therapist. Stress to her (this is important) that she is still your best friend so you want to keep up the life-depression discussions but you hope that you two will start having other things to talk about as she gets less depressed.
You're a great friend to be there for her. Don't stop - just tell her that with the mention of suicide and the way she drank, it scared you and you realized that she needs more help than you can give. Maybe you could go to therapy with her - not to the actual sessions but just be there so that you know she's going and you two can have coffee or do something afterwards.
It would be a regular time for you to get together. Sometimes if a person is depressed, it is hard to get out beyond the minimal requirements of life.
Good luck! You're a good friend.

Answer 3

First off - you are not responsible for what your friend chooses to do. So, don't start to feel guilty because you're not helping her enough etc. She is the one making the choices, not you. So,
when she starts talking about suicide...don't take that responsibility on yourself. It is way too difficult and you're not a trained professional.
I'd think it's pretty obvious she really needs help. By vocalizing her thoughts on depression she's really asking for someone to stop her. If she is having deep periods of anger and depression she needs help immediately. As her friend, I think telling her that would be the best thing you could do for her at this time. Maybe, you could help her find someone to see or go with her for the first appointment to show you support her. It's possible if she says no - that an intervention would be necessary and you could do that by getting her friends and family together to try to open her eyes to what she's doing to herself and get her to make better choices.
It is scary when anyone you know starts to talk like she is.
You're not trained so you don't know what to say or how to say it . Besides that she is making you bear some of it by her weekly discussions and that is not only unfortunate but also not fair to you.
I hope some of those ideas help you. I know what it's like to be around someone who is suffering from depression. It takes a chunk out of your heart. You ache for them and what they're going through. Be tough. Insist she needs professional therapy and/or medication. If she continues to deny that she has a severe problem...there is really nothing you can do other than see a therapist yourself to work out those issues.

Answer 4

The only real thing you can do is ask her to stop drinking and listen to what she says. She will have to struggle out of the depression herself. Therapy could be a good thing if it's done right and if she feels it's OK to do, maybe you can go with her is she asks. I'm glad to see that you stick with her, since most people drop you once your in trouble or having a hard time. I think you should get some support yourself, since it asks a lot of energy and time from you as well. But apart from avoiding her to do things she would regret later on, or from which she can become dependant, there isn't anything else you can do, except listening to what she has to say.

Answer 5

First of all, I think you are doing a good thing for your friend by being there for her when she needs you. She may be suffering from severe depression or a mood disorder. Is there an adult you both trust? You should bring this to the attention of her parents or yours. Alcohol and drug use are big signs of serious depression and should not be taken lightly. She may be going through something you can't help her solve and may need professional help.

Answer 6

I have to tell you that I am an alcoholic I have been sober 4 years now.
I started drinking when I was 14 when I started drinking to mask who I was or just to feel better about myself. I did that for 15 years and I never felt better about me, at least not in till I quit. And asked my family doctor about it.
Be shore knows she can tell her doctor that she is depressed and her doctor cant say anything unless she brings up suicide. But it may be a good person to start with because she needs an adult to talk to and you im shore have your own problems to deal with

Answer 7

Don't tell her anything to try and change her. And don't listen to those people who say get an adult or "serious help" people our age don't appreciate that. You need to just listen to her and bare through it because that's what she needs is someone to talk to. And if you don't want to listen, at least pretend like you are. Make sure you think of her as an equal, because people our age (i'm 15) don't like to be looked down on. And don't relate things from your own life, the last thing she needs to hear is someone telling her, "it's just a phase you're going through, i went through the same thing" I hope that made at least a little bit of sense.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are trying to be a really good friend to her but she really needs professional help especially if she is thinking of suicide. Tell her how worried you are and offer to go to a counselor with her.

Answer 9

You need to speak with your mother and/or her mother. You can also go to your guidance counselor in school and discuss this with her. You must take this very seriously and do something about it. She may be angry with you in the beginning, but in the long run, you may save a life worthy of living.

Answer 10

talk to her about her concerns.she needs to realize that drinking and/or drugs will only mask her emotional issue temporarily and in the long run make it all worse. trust me i've been there.make sure she knows that regardless of anything you are there and will be.i wish both of you the best. good luck.