But now that we are married and in the same house, he never touches me! He has a 12 yr old and I have a 16 yr old g& he is so worried "they'll hear us(an excuse)." Even when we are on vacation alone, he is not interested in me. I am very attractive, fit, and get men's attention all the time. He tells me I'm "too aggressive" or "assertive", & it turns him off. So I ignored him and before I knew it - a month went by and he never approached me!! Then he tells me I bring it up too much, so I didn't bring it up for a month and guess what? Nothing. I am so frustrated and angry with him. Otherwise, he is a loving, attentive and responsible man in every other way except for the bedroom. I've tried sexy lingerie to suggesting watching porn together - he is not interested. I feel like we're roommates. We are finally going to therapy next week, but he says even that is a "turn-off". I thought he was cheating or gay, but with a little detective work & today's "technology", I found nothing.
2007-03-09 00:42:43 · 14 answers · asked by festivus64 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You two are headed to the right place - counseling. He has a bit of a closed mind about it, but at least he's going. There's definitely something going on here. Something happened in his past that is damping all this. I'm assuming it was all good while dating, then it went south after marriage ... odd. He loves you, that's a plus.
I guess I have more questions than answers. Is he affectionate? Does he hug you? kiss you? If so, where does the disconnect start? Where does he shut down? I'm thinking he was abused as child, maybe even molested. Especially since the aggressive behavior is a turn off. If this is true, that would explain a lot. It could be that it's repressed and he doesn't even realize why he doesn't want it. It could be as simple as his testosterone level is low (let's hope for that one). When was his last check up? Ask them to check the testosterone levels (a good sex therapist will ask this).
2007-03-09 01:03:51 · answer #1 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you guys have sex before getting married?? This is very strange. I too wonder if he's a latent homosexual especially when everything is a 'turn off' maybe because you're a woman and he really wants a man! Put some gay porn on and see what he does hahaha. Or if he's older, maybe he has problems getting an erection? Does he need viagra?
Tell him you are a woman and you have needs. If he doesn't fess up to the issue soon, you'll be forced to look else where! (Really I don't believe in acting on this phrase at all, but men say it, so why can't women say the same garbage?! Besides, it might just work if he's afraid you're going to leave him)
2007-03-09 08:56:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought he is suffereing form ED and is to ashamed to say something or to get help for it? Some guys just stop thinking of sex it is rare but it happens. I myself wish my wife was more assertive when it comes to sexs I bet there are alot of men that wish it too it would save us men from asking all the time. So if you other ladies are reading this ask for it more from your hubbies because when we ask and you shut us down we just feel misrable.
2007-03-09 13:25:17 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check my question..hmm yesterday..almost same exact situation---I FEEL your PAIN and frustration...My husband is the Exact same way and yup..i questioned and investigated eveything..nothing..he says he's just too tired from his job which is tiring and long,so i am taking that in consideration,but i will keep trying but llike you i have exhausted all options..I have tried it all too!!He says once or twice a month should be fine..Ahhhhh!!!!!We just have two diff. sex drives i guess.But all other aspects are Perfect,and he is loving affectionate and attentive and all,great provider,father soooo...i am going to just wait it out and enjoy all the good and loving things about him---oh and YES a vibrator!!Lol..
2007-03-09 09:49:31 · answer #4 · answered by ccrazeegyrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that don't even sound right, maybe he have a medical condition or something because 1st year of marriage you can barely keep you hands of you wife long enough to eat, but i guess it can be the some man are just not into it. as much as the rest of us. Sorry for you, get a jack rabbit that will be my best suggestion.
2007-03-09 10:40:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him you will find it somewhere else if he is not at all interested in you or wants to put any effort into it. It's not fair to you to be in relationship where he thinks everything is a turn off. If therapy doesn't help, you should look at moving on from him.
2007-03-09 09:38:56 · answer #6 · answered by NLH823 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is he? It can happen that he has problem with his sexual organ. Or he is thinking that he may not be able to satisfy you in bed which may resulted with breakup. There could be numerous cause. So better you sit and discuss with him.
Watching porno can not be a way to resolve problem, I think. Try to arouse him while in bed. I am sure you are old enough to make a man arous. Good luck.
2007-03-09 09:35:34 · answer #7 · answered by dibesic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for one thing, has he had a medical check up lately? his testosterone level could have dropped.or maybe he has become impotent, and he is embaressed to mention it..he may need some serious medical attention..if you are aggresive, that would wake most any man..how old is he now?? maybe age ccould be a factor also.. well you can contact me at yahoo.com if you wanna talk.
2007-03-09 08:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by wongfiehung2003 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is medical. He may have low testosterone levels. Have him see a doctor. Anything that has to do with sex is hard for a guy to talk about. Try to be patient with him he really sounds like a great guy.
2007-03-09 08:54:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to loosen that *** up and get yourself to a cougar bar, there are plenty of young dudes looking for an older women to bone, *** on and pretty much humiliate like i know you want to be.
2007-03-09 09:43:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋