I am beginning my 4th month of pregnancy and I am no longer with my baby's father. The doctor says she think we are expecting twins because my uterus is measuring too big for my dates. He hurt me really bad, emotional wise. We've been together since September of 06 and I just found out he has been lying to me this whole time. We had an altercation and things got heated between me and him. He says we don't have anything to talk about and it's true we don't. He loves me and everybody knows and I love him too. But the people he think are his friends are not and his girlfriend(s) want him for nothing but his money and I tried to tell him. But I said I was done trying to save him, and I am. I thought it was best to stay away from him until July/August when the baby is due. Will things be different when the baby(ies) get here? Will he ever change?
2007-03-09 00:12:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You should just concentrate on the baby or babies right now. The only person that can change that man is himself and I really don't see that happening right now. He doesn't seem like the type to settle down from what you wrote. Let him get his act together and if he tries to come back then wait til the baby is born to give him that chance. If he does right by your child then that's all you can really ask for. Good luck and congrats, almost half way there.
2007-03-09 00:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by CeeCee19 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on if he has an "Ah-ha" moment" and if he can open up his eyes and see things for how they really are. I hope that he can be in their lives after they are born. some guys change or don't after a baby arrives. I don't like that he has been lying to you all along. People are pretty much set in their was at this point in life. There is a possibility that he could change, but I wouldn't count on it. If it helps you that he isn't around for awhile then do it, you don't need the stress and focus on those growing ones inside of you. I'm sure that you can do much better than him it's no fun to live with a liar that's too much drama.
I know of a couple who had a child and they verbally faught throughout their relationship and then they had a child. he loves his son dearly and will do whatever for him, but as far as the relationship with his mother he is still acting psycho and manipulative. I really wouldn't count on him changing at all. If you find that he starts lying to you when he gets around you you need to put him in his place and not take that.
2007-03-09 00:24:42 · answer #2 · answered by lookingforanswersandquestions 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok , I am a guy but I hope I can still be of some help to your question. You may never know, things might change for the better. But, If I were you , I wouldn't risk it. Think of how he is acting right now since the baby being due is almost is coming up, this isn't the right time, and he is ruining everything. I think it's best to stay away till he surely comes back to reality.
2007-03-09 00:17:17 · answer #3 · answered by Phlow 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what kind of guy he is, he might change. I am currently going through the same thing with my baby's father. The only problem with the new girlfriend is that she might be part of the reason if he doesnt come back. My BF has a new girlfriend and all she does is tell him that my son isnt his and that she knows that i was cheating on him and things like that. Its all not true, but he believes her. I dont know why, but he does. My BF left me when I was 3 months pregnant and I am now 37 weeks. Hopefully your guy is better than mine and he will respect you enough to come back and help you with your baby(ies). Best of luck to you.
2007-03-09 01:04:31 · answer #4 · answered by ProudMommy_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if he is descent at all, yeah there will definitely be a change in him once the baby gets here. But not necessarily towards you,... Just hope and pray that he at least accepts the babies and is a great father.. By the way you dont need him in your life, dont think that because your having a child that no other man would want you because its completely untrue.
2007-03-09 01:17:33 · answer #5 · answered by Tabatha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say just get rid of the loser completely. Why would you want someone in your life like that anyways? Never knowing when he is going to hurt you again? There are some real good guys out there and you could find one but for now just think about whats best for you and your baby or babies! Good luck and Congrats! P.S. FORGET THE LOSER, HE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!!
2007-03-09 01:02:00 · answer #6 · answered by livindead_zombie13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never know, things may change once he sets his eyes on the baby (or babies) but count on it. If you expect him to change and he doesn't you will only get hurt more but if you don't expect it and he does it will be a nice surprise.
Just start acting and doing things like a single parent. You will be better off that way.
2007-03-09 00:49:40 · answer #7 · answered by Carmen M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy are you in a mess, I have been married for 39 years so I speak from many years of experience.
Emotional wounds do dull down and heal. They leave a scar but they do heal.
The two of you do not have the luxury of thinking of yourselves any more. You now have the lifetime committment of parenting your children.
Remember there are four grandparents involved to that will be excited about the babies. This situation is family wide, not just between the two of you.
ALWAYS REFER TO THE BABIES AS OUR CHILDREN OR OUR BABIES NEVER MY BABIES. This forces him to face the fact that he is becoming a father and needs to step up to the plate. Never let him off of the hook, he is responsible for the financial support of these babies, whether you marry or not.
Make a lunch date to let him know about the twins. ONLY HAVE SERIOUS DISCUSSIONS ON A FULL STOMACH. Hungry people are usually cranky and short tempered.
Make sure you have both eaten then share the big news with him.
If you both love each other and with this much responsibility in your future, you need to give him another chance. No marriage is without pain, but tenacity and endurance is what counts. You both have to give to come together for the raising of the beautiful family you are going to have.
IT IS NOT FAIR TO YOUR CHILDREN TO NOT HAVE TWO PARENTS UNDER THE SAME ROOF PARENTING THEM.
And no I did not say it would be easy. It requires giving and taking equally. But most important he has to be willing to do this also. Make sure he is involved in the pregnancy, men are not physically involved like we are, they have to be pulled in. Encourage him to come to the Dr's appointments, the la maze classes and feeling your belly as the babies grown and start to kick and move around. Help him get emotionally involved with his babies. As long as you are positive they are his.
You have to reel a Man into Fatherhood by their emotions.
Get the shovel you have to dig them out. (know what I mean)
For men need a lot of direction, instruction and keep the dots close together or they just do not get it.
If he does or does not get involved with the pregnancy, YOU MUST GET A DNA TEST AT BIRTH ON THE BABIES AND HIM TO GET CHILD SUPPORT. THIS IS URGENT AND PROMPTLY AFTER BIRTH, NEEDS TO BE DONE.
SUPPORTING BABIES IS NOT JUST DIAPERS, WET WIPES AND FORMULA. IT IS 21 YEARS OF EXPENSES.
TAKE HIM TO COURT FOR CHILD SUPPORT IMMEDIATELY IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED WHEN THE BABIES ARE BORN. HAVE A LAWYER LINED UP FOR ADVICE.
YOU COULD JOIN PRE PAID LEGAL it only costs $25 to 30 per month and they will take care of all kinds of legal problems (child support ) for you.
Stay on a serious balance of vitamins and minerals to help have healthy babies and keep your EMOTIONS in balance.
Good Luck. and God Bless.
2007-03-09 00:36:19 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations!!, I have to agree with everyone else--don't think he'll change. Wait until you have those babies, and you will find out the meaning of true, unconditional love. He is a stress in your life, that is obvious--you need to focus on you, and your health, for your sake and the babies.Good luck and God Bless!!
2007-03-09 00:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Queen-o-the-Damned 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are in that situation, but it is likely that he won't change. Babies NEVER make things better in relationships and yours sounds like it would take lots of work. Focus your energies on being healthy and providing a healthy upbringing for your child(ren). Good luck! :)
2007-03-09 00:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by searching_please 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋