6 Months old and he wants out of state visitation...?

Question

My husband and I had been married for 2 years and we have a beautiful 6 month old little girl. I'm not in love with my husband and we decided that a divorce would be best. He left 7 weeks ago moving to another state to live with his mom (our biggest problem). He lives 3 hours away now but he use to make the trip 2-3 times a month to visit his mom on his days off, but he has not come to see his daughter at all. We have talked several times via internet but he hasn't mentioned wanting to see her. Now that we are divorcing he is talking about visitation and wants her to visit him at his home 3 hours away in a different state. I'm not comfortable with this at all. To top it all off he is deaf and it would be hard for him to take care of her. I can't stand the idea of being away from my little girl. Is there anything I can do and how do I cope with all this I'm only 22.

Answer 1

here is a few options...tell him he's not the father, and fight it as long as you can. or let him visit the baby where you live, or hope for the best that because he is living with his mother that your daughter will be well taken care of. you could look at it as a well deserved break.

Answer 2

Ok, first you are in a tough situation and there probably are no easy answers that are going to make everyone happy. However there are a couple of things I would advise. First, you need to separate out the issues. You have some issues which are genuine concerns (will there be any issues related to caring for your daughter given his impairment.) You have some issues which (to a court) would be non-issues (your inability to be away from her for some time.)

I would recommend that you focus on the genuine issues and try and put the personal issues in the past. I know you can do this because even though you are "only 22" your message sounds very level headed.

First, when you get divorced and you have such a young child -the child will allmost definately be placed with the mother if she had been providing the majority of the care up to this point. So don't do anything because he threatens to go for custody. He won't get it. In most states however, he will get visitation/parenting time. Again, with a small child it will be different visitation than what a 6 years old or 16 year old would get. If he lived close by, it would probably be frequent (2-3 time a week) short (2-3 hours per time) visits as opposed to longer visits. Another important issue at this time is if you are breast feeding - if so any time away longer than a few hours is impossible. With him living 3 hours away (the fact that it is another state is irrelevant) you need to come up with a different plan. I would suggest that you recommend that either he can come and see her at your place for a few hours every week or you can bring her to him on alternate weeks for a few hours. That way you are around (which might be hard but doable) and you share the travel. She is too young for overnight visits probably and most judges wouldn't order them at this age.

The issue of his hearing should be addressed in a mature way. Clearly there are many deaf people who raise children just fine so if there are any problems they can be dealt with. How would he hear her crying in another room? So he needs to be in the same room with her when she is sleeping, etc. I am sure he has ways to call for help if there is any problem. Maybe his mother's presence can be seen to be a good thing at this point?

Finally, your child is very young. You need to make a decision NOW as to whether or not the two of you will work together for the rest of her life and put her interests first so that she grows up without resentment/anger towards either one of you. Or she can grow up feeling torn between the two of you and feeling that she is never good enough for either.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Frankly, I would say there's not too much you can do, other than to argue to the court that your husband was able to make several trips a month in the other direction to visit his mom so he can make the trip in the other direction to visit his daughter where you are--but then you will probably have to put him up as part of the deal.

The husband, failing a record of abuse or being convicted of a serious crime involving child abuse or moral turpitude, has as much right to maintain a relationship with his child as you do, no matter how you feel. Further, in some places there has been recognized a right of the grandparent to have access to their grandchildren, which might be an argument for your daughter to go over the state line to stay with her father. Moreover, being deaf is not a good basis to try to deny him visitation--in fact, you chose to have a baby with a deaf man, you should have considered this possibility. In addition, the fact that the grandmother would most likely be there, sort of negates your attempt at a lack of good care argument, doesn't it? Sounds to me like you had no problem with him being deaf before, but suddenly you're making it one.

I think that whatever you decide to do, you had better put your feelings aside, calculate what is best for your daughter and not try to use her as a pawn to get at your ex. Same goes for him.

Lawyer here....

PS to the idiot above who says challenge paternity ("claim he's not the father") that's easily proven/disproved by dna testing that will probably be charged to the mother since she is making the challenge--and if he's on the birth certificate, he enjoys the legal presumption of being the father until its disproven.

For the idiot above who says call the department of family services--they have no jurisdiction here and they are not in the business of giving legal advice--in fact, they can't give legal advice without a law license.

Answer 4

I am a divorced mom as well so I know how hard this is. But he has rights and so does your daughter. 3 hours is not very far. And beign deaf shouldn;t have any bearing on it. Blind parents, parents that can't walk, parents that can't talk, all can take care of the their children fine. When my daughter's father and I first divorced he told the judge I couldn't care for her because of my own disabilities, teh judge told him I had these problems when we married, I had them when we decided to have a child together. If they were a problem then he shouldn;t have fathered her.
I think the part that really bothers you is havign to let her go. As I said, I understand I've been there but you have to let her go. She deserves to know her father, so unless you are breastfeeding or something, that a visit like that would get in the way right now, there's not much you can do.

Answer 5

seems such as you had an somewhat clever visitation equipment set up along with her, regrettably it particularly is often extra effectual to have it legalized in case something differences. :( while i grew to become into youthful, the commonplace grew to become into 5 weeks in the process the summer season while my father had visitation rights the different weekend. in case you are able to, i might say visit court docket and get the visitation as you had it set up legalized relatively than attempting to remedy something by way of be responsive to mouth. 6 months is a lot too long in case you have finished custody. additionally, that is style of ridiculous for him to tell you the place to place the youngster help. in case you are able to come to an contract with him that like 25-50% of it is going in the direction of a college fund, then this is wonderful. yet particularly, little ones have residing expenditures *formerly* they visit varsity!

Answer 6

The court MAY agree with you that right now she’s too young for out-of-state visitation, but they won’t agree for long.

Personally, if she were my child, I’d let her go now. It’s only 3 hours away (it’s not across the country) and he IS her father. But that’s just me, and she’s not my child.

Him being deaf doesn’t have a thing to do with anything. It in no way makes him unfit or unable to care for his child.

Talk to a local attorney.

Answer 7

Well, you did both make the baby. Of course, I don't know what the point of being around a 6 month old would be. Your daughter is just a lump of flesh that poops, pees, eats and cries all day with human potential, but eh, to each his own. He's the father he has rights. If you're not comfortable with it, maybe you shouldn't have had a baby with a deaf guy you never really loved. You made your choice, now deal with it.

Answer 8

know that he has as much rights to her as you do. be civil and things wont get ugly. let his daughter have a real healthy relationship with her dad., youll miss her but so does he. he is probably going to have to pay you support, right? be fair. a couple days here and there isnt going to hurt you, plus he can make it worse through court if you dont think of him too. it will be a lot easier for everyone if u guys come to an agreement;.im 22 too and this reality. wouldnt you be more hurt if your kid had no daddy in her life at all? he wants to be a daddy so let him.

Answer 9

You picked him and now he is your child's father. He has rights and being deaf is not a reason to keep him from his daughter. Let a Judge make the decisions. You have to learn to live with your mistakes like a woman.

Answer 10

I would not let a 6 month old child travel out of state whether he is deaf or not.
If he didn't have the interst before , why all of a sudden.
I might call for a free consultation or talk with childrens services and see where you stand.
The mother might have a hand in this whole thing and you have to be careful......
make a phone call, don't get upset before you find out.......