I am a very soft and kind person, i feel sorry when someone is in need, all i wish is for them to get better. People also like to tell me their problems, and i will solve them up to my advantage and some get away with it. The worste thing is i take their problem and make them mine and it affects me, my father once said im no stupid but im stupid nice. Is it true?
2007-03-09 00:03:05 · 12 answers · asked by mathandashukela 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Lol. We both have something in common :) I guess they take advantage of you knowing they can & that they'll be able to get away with it. It's not your fault if you're a saint! :) I seriously hate people like that. They don't deserve you as a friend.
I make all my friend's problems mine. But some way or another, they'd never make my problems theirs. It's about what you for others. Treat people the way you want to be treated but don't expect them to do the same. You'll only end up dissapointed :)
You're only human my dear. You're not perfect. You tend to get badly affected especially when one of your friends throws you a problem & you're unable to help. The feeling you get is nothing but misery.
Dont be too hard on yourself. Love yourself for being that soft, kind & loving person you are. Dont change. There arn't many out there who'd feel the way you do. That makes you extra special :)
Dont ever EVER consider yourself stupid. I know lots of people will labell you as that. Cause people are just taking advantage of you & you're just helpless. If you feel like they are; just move away from them :) Helping others does give you a kind of satisfaction dosn't it? But don't go through with it, if its at the expense of your health :)
When you can help, HELP! when you can't, just be that listening ear / that pillar of strength / reffer them to someone older who might be of better help or just be that friend & let them know you'll always be there. That itself is true friendship.
Take care :)
2007-03-09 01:25:34 · answer #1 · answered by Shobha 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yep, so am I. I was used by a lot of people a couple of years back as well. It's true what one honest person said to me: without you even knowing it, you just send out signals, like your wearing a big sign on your head with "use me, kick me, do with me what you want" written on it. The way you look and behave sends out the signal.
Standing up against it and making it clear that this isn't the case any more is easier said then done. If you can't find a way out, consult a professional. Gestalttherapy is the best thing you can do, but often enough, some therapists make matters worse, so be sure to step out of it once you feel somùething isn't right any more.
Be prepared, because once you can stand up to it and make it clear to them that you are no longer open for this, that you can't be used any more, lots of people will fall away. You will be lonely at first, but you can only learn to accept it. I struggled finding honest persons in a period of over 8 years, I only found 2 of them...
So it's not going to be easy to stand up against it, you will get very lonely, but at least you will be sure that nobody will use you any more. It's something lots of people always do, just trying to use the situation, other people and items to make it better for themselves. When you are an easy victim, it shows and people don't have mucn morale any more these days. If it only makes the situation better for them, that is all what they care for. They don't even care how you feel after it either, because that is just a waste of energy and time.
I decided to fight fire with fire: I copied their behaviour and tried to use them. It was an easy but very effective way to distinguish those who were honest from those who tried to use me. Since it was to hard and too much of a waste to invest in me, those who wanted to use me quit pretty fast. Only those who were honest gave me enough chance and knew why I was doing it, so they sticked to it. These that stick are very good friends now, but like I previously mentioned: these are far and wide in between...
2007-03-09 00:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by inesp01 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Many people mistake kindness for weakness and this isn't true. You are a very kind, caring empathetic person and there's nothing wrong with that until it starts to hurt YOU. You have to find a balance in what you can and can't do for people. It's important for you to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. My wife is a lot like you and it seems like she takes on others problems and really feels them deep inside. It actually started making her physically sick. She took care of everyone else and no one was there for her in return. Just try to maintain balance in your life and remember that if you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to help others.
2007-03-09 00:50:41 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, well then you haven't heard my problem then. It's the worst.
First, I grew up a poor...
Well gotta go. LOL
There are givers and takers in this world... you're a giver.
Stupid Nice is a term I've never heard but it sounds like a good one.
Oh, and I'm going to say something different than probably the rest. Don't do it... it doesn't make you a better person. I appears to be hurting you. Care about yourself most regardless how strong you are to care about others.
I think your dad might know you a lot better than you think, and certaintly one that cares the most about you.
2007-03-09 00:09:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you might be a softy and some people will try to use you to listen to their problems. All the negative whining and genuine sad tales will get you down and you aren't even getting paid for it. You need to find a nice way to tell them they need counseling. Otherwise, your kindness is admirable but also usable. You've heard "nice guys finish last" but nice girls do too. Your only real choice is to be tougher and pretend you don't care, but that's an act and will tire you as easily as their problems do. @8-) I love ya tho!!
2007-03-09 00:19:51 · answer #5 · answered by Dovey 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just too nice. Apparently you are one of those. Stop letting people take advantage of you. Learn to say no.
2007-03-09 00:07:45 · answer #6 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
but let me just tell you ,you dont have to take other people's problem to become your's ,some people may assept your help while other talk it for grantted okay .pls you should always do the one you can. you are not stupid okay you are just doing you own for God
2007-03-09 00:15:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the answer is because you let them. next time someone opens there mouth you speak first and say you know everyone gives me all there problems why do they think I am the problem solver?
2007-03-09 00:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by Shelly t 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just wonder how such a wise father has this kind of a nice son ....
2007-03-09 00:33:23 · answer #9 · answered by drorba1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only be used and taken advantaged of as MUCH as you ALLOW, nuff said.
2007-03-09 00:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by Ex Head 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋