What is it about some people that makes bullies choose them?

Question

Is it jealousy? Its been bugging me for ages. Why do the bullies feel they need to be nasty to some people and not others?

Answer 1

It's hard for normal people to get into the mind of a bully. They are self concious about their own inferiority and have to make somebody else feel bad in order to make themselves feel better. They just pick on the best bet available. One very effective tools for bullies is to find some real or percieved difference about a person and use that as a hook to get other people to support them. "We don't like her because she's fat/thin/black/white/wears the wrong clothes" could be anything, or nothing.

The point has been made that the victims allow themselves to be bullied. However this isn't always the case. For example in a class room environment even if the victim reports every single instance of bullying it is very hard to prevent it and any sanctions imposed are likely to escalate it. Society as a whole just isn't very good at dealing with bullies.

Answer 2

This is quite a complex question which has many answers. Often a bully is a person that has been bullied in the past and has learnt that behaviour. It sometimes stems from jealousy or because the bully feels threatened by the person they are bullying (not in the physical sense, but maybe job promotion for example in the workplace situation.) If a child is being bullied at school, it could be that the bully sees the child as weak and unable to defend himself. The bullied child may be bright in the classroom and the teacher uses him as an example to the class (I have known this to have happened). The child may not be of the "In Crowd" and thus is a real target for bullying. Bullies are often insecure and need to exercise their 'power' over other people. They are very sad individuals. I myself was bullied in the workplace by a supervisor. I am a very confident person, well able to handle myself. I took the appropriate action and won my case. No-one should suffer at the hands of bullies and the best advice I can give is to stand up to them, look them in they eye and tell them that you will not put up with it.

Answer 3

I've wondered about that, too. I think there could be several different reasons. But, one has got to be how the victim reacts. When the bully sees that it bothers someone, they will continue bullying. Other people may just ignore the bullying, or let it roll off their shoulders. That makes it no fun for the bully, so he goes and picks on the ones he can get the biggest reaction out of.

Answer 4

They have security and self-esteem issues. Likely their home life is terrible. So they prey on people who appear "weaker." Basically, they bully whoever will let them. It is amazing how much trouble a child can save themselves just by holding their head and and acting confident. That is not what a bully is looking for. That said, it is 2007 and not 1967. If a child is being bullied, schools are responsible for handling it. Give them a call and complain if your child is ever bullied. If an adult is being bullied, they only need to call the cops! There is no room for a bully in today's world.

Answer 5

I think that some people want to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel as bad as they do inside. I think they pick people that they consider easy targets - they won't or can't fight back, they're weaker physically, they may not be attractive (or they may be very attractive but weaker in another area). Maybe the person they pick reflects a little of a part of themselves.

I was picked on a bit in school because I was a bit of a dag (I still am, I guess) and I didn't have the latest clothes and accessories. Also, I wasn't blessed with the talent of quick nasty comebacks, so they went to town insulting me. It did a lot of damage emotionally in my teens.

Now I just look at them more philosophically and I always remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Answer 6

Excellent question! I believe that bullies will single out people who are kind, quiet, or appear to be weak socially... that type of thing. A bully is someone who must pick on another to make themselves "look" strong in some way. This is really the most stupid act I have ever witnessed in my life, because what is happening is that the bully is revealing just how much of a weak person they are inside. They actually think that they are the "strong" one and that its their job to point out the "weakness" in others. If they only knew just how badly they reek of being the weakest kind of human when they do this, they might think twice before doing it again, that is if they had the brains to figure it out, and I don't think they do!

Answer 7

It's not jealousy, not at all. People who are bullies are able to sense wether or not a person has the ability to defend themselves. People who don't make eye contact, are quiet and reclusive and tend not to bite back when they are targeted make ideal targets for bullies.
Speaking from experience i've found the easiest way to change a victim into a confident person is to invest a bit of time and attention into them and help them to realise it's okay to stand up for themselves and that they don't have to take sh!t from anyone.

Answer 8

Bullies are cowards, they go for people who do not fight back.
A bullies worst nightmare is to be weak in a group, they fear what will happen to them. So they bully to show strength to others, but this could easily backfire if they go for someone who takes a stand. Then their worst fears are realised.
I used to get bullied as a kid, I stood up for myself and got a reputation. It stopped immediately, the idiot bullies even tried to be friends. I changed because of it and got a certain look in my eye, because of my experiences. Nobody has crossed me since.
Trouble is, many of my friends end up saying, I would never have known you are such a nice guy.

Answer 9

Bullies are good at intuitively seeing where someone may have a vulnerability, and then they go for that| Most bullies have a kind of sixth sense - for those who have experienced that bullies seem to know how to zero in on your sensitive spot|

The reason they pick their targets is because their target may be a person of integrity, be intelligent, or accomplished in some way|


Usually the bully does what he does, not because he will gain himself, but because it will tear another person down|

He strives for the destruction of another for its own sake|

It is the general ethic of a bully is that wherever he sees goodness, integrity, beauty, accomplishment, he has to see it destroyed.


It is the essence of evil to work for the destruction of the good.

It is based on hatred of the good for being the good.




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Answer 10

Moobie, victims of "bullies" probably have a meek and gentle spirit. The meek will inherit the earth and bullies are people who are so fearful and insecure, they have to build themselves up by putting another down. It is a sad thing to see someone bullied, I agree. But a person who knows why another is tormenting them can actually feel sorry for the bully, and pray for them.