please don't attack me for asking this!!! im just wondering. we had around 90 people at our wedding (we wanted smaller, but his family's must have list kept growing). we were married a week ago and have about 25 different people/families of the 80 who gave gifts or cards (including ones that i can see from the registry that are on their way). i am saying 80 because some of the 90 were couples and family. i was brought up to ALWAYS bring a gift to a wedding, but is this custom going away? also, i was brought up to make sure my gift would arrive before or at the latest right after the wedding. is this not the case anymore? do people who choose to send gifts send them much later?
i dont want to sound selfish, and i dont wish to be called selfish. please answer my question only if you are going to answer it and not criticize me for being curious.
2007-03-08 19:47:32 · 13 answers · asked by crazydaisyodu 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
its mine and my hubby's first wedding, we never asked for money or gifts in the invite (the registry wa spread via our wedding website), and the people that gave money i already included as gifts in my total of 25...
2007-03-08 20:01:32 · update #1
oh, and we didnt offend anyone either, the wedding was a blast, the drinks were free, food was great and free, people told us how much fun they had, etc...so no, no one was offended...good theory though
2007-03-08 20:17:19 · update #2
That's not all too unusual. We had a 350 plus guests at our wedding and only received (I'm checking my scrapbook where I listed the gifts we were given), 40 gifts (including money and cards). I too felt kind of insulted, I mean after all, you are thoughtful enough to make them part of YOUR special day, and I too was brought up that you always gave gifts at weddings, even if it was just a card. I don't think that you sound selfish at all hon. I'm just sorry that it happened to you too. The way things are in today's society, it's hard to know what is considered proper "etiquette", but no matter how "advanced" we get, I still PERSONALLY believe that wedding gifts should be given - especially if you go and eat the free food and drink the free booze! :)
2007-03-08 23:29:15 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Mrs. GM2*~ 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is quite unusual for guests not give a wedding gift. It also depends what part of the country you reside in, but I am quite surprised. In the East where I come from...money is it. No one and I mean no one brings a wedding gift anymore. Weddings are so expensive that people feel that money is the way to go. So giving $100 per person is not uncommon. But, gifts may be on their way in the mail, but they should have brought the gift whether money or an item with them to the wedding. I don't think you are selfish..you are just curious. Did you have food and drink at your wedding? Sometimes, when people are invited to say a dessert and coffee wedding they seem reluctant to give any sort of gift which I think is terrible, but who knows what goes on in peoples minds. But, just think you are married to the man of your dreams, you had a beautiful wedding...so put it in the past and go on to a beautiful future. That's all...don't look back.
2007-03-09 09:14:42 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't think you sound selfing at all. It is proper etiquette to bring or give a gift for a wedding, though it's true you have up to a year. I can understand your hurt feelings, and I hope I am not in the same position after my wedding next weekend. I hope that the people who have not sent something come through for you in the end and do the right thing.
2007-03-09 17:05:25 · answer #3 · answered by leslie s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard of bringing gifts to a wedding until recently, my family always just gave $$$.
Also according to Emily Post you have a year to send gifts, which is stupid, but people might wait to send gifts until after they know you are home from the honeymoon.
2007-03-09 08:25:33 · answer #4 · answered by ee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a little odd, but with that said, look at the bright side, you don't have 3 or 4 toasters to return! Maybe they were just financially strapped due to Christmas bills being due and taxes coming up. Nevertheless, the wedding wasn't about the gifts, you had a wonderful wedding, now onto the marriage. Best of Luck!
2007-03-09 06:10:26 · answer #5 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally I am a bit shocked at the guests. Obviously you have invited many people who just came for the food and drink. My wedding was just over a year ago and I had a similar experience. We had some guests come to the wedding and then say they were sick and didn't come to the reception, no gift there. Look, you basically have to try and just let it go as flabbergasting as it is. I sent the same thank you to everyone. The couple of people who gave no gifts( certainly not as many as you) still got the message thanking for their company and gifts. Take them off the birthday and Xmas card list for the future. I know it's a long shot, but is it possible that gifts or money came to the reception and you were robbed?
2007-03-09 04:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by shes_apples 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This is a double edged knife in the etiquette world. I say this because from the couple's stance, etiquette says guests are not required to give a gift at all. However, from the guest's stance etiquette says that they should (they do have up to the first year anniversary though).
In most cases I have found though, that if they haven't sent you a gift by the 3rd month following your wedding they probably will not be sending one at all.
Send them a thank you note all the same, for "Sharing in your happy day". At the very least you are showing that you are polite and appreciated that they attended (hey, less wasted money since you had to pay for their food regardless) and at the very most you may have reminded them of that gift they have for you but forgot to send.
Congrats on your marriage.
2007-03-09 03:56:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Dont worry...you dont sound selfish. And to answer your question, DEAR GOD I HOPE ITS NOT NORMAL! The amount of money people spend on weddings these days, I would never, never go to a wedding without a gift! It might sound awful, but Im kind of banking on the gifts after the wedding to help pay for some of it! Fortunately I have already had a few large parties (graduations) with the same group of people, and they always came through for me then...hope they do again!
2007-03-09 07:56:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wedding guests are not required to bring gifts, however, most do. In your case, I guess it depends upon the circumstances. For example, were you and your guy living together? If so, people realize that you might already have the necessities. Just a thought.
2007-03-09 06:36:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound selfish at all! Consider, though, the circumstances of your guests. It may be that many of your guests are also just starting out and don't have the money for gifts. They surely wanted to be there for your special day even though they were unable to bring a gift. That's the only explaination I can come up with.
2007-03-09 10:47:35 · answer #10 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋