Its just about 24 hours since my dad passed and I seriously keep thinking im gonna wake up at any minute. I'm not telling myself its just a dream its just a dream I actually feel it is. And it didn't just come out of nowhere, this was the third time he got cancer in 3 years and knew he would only have 6 months tops as of a week after thanksgiving. We knew about a week ago it would be sometime this week so I've had some time to think about it. We were like brothers in a way, you know very very close but for some reason I haven't been able to shed a tear except for a couple times by myself earlier in the week even though im extremely upset. We only had 23 years toghter and I know thats longer than alot of people had but I still feel robbed for me, my dad (50) and the rest of my family.About to run out of room for writing. Sorry im not tring to ***** about my life but I had to get some things off my chest and I dont really talk to my family about this stuff although I know I should.
2007-03-08 19:21:26 · 12 answers · asked by Will W 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Youre in shock. Once it wears off some you will cry.
Sorry about your father.
2007-03-08 19:41:53 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are confused! Talking and writing is a good start. If you cannot talk to your family, then perhaps you would consider talking to a Grief counsellor in your area ? There are a number of emotions that you will go through in the process after bereavement - anger , sadness, guilt and so on, and there are people trained to help you understand what to expect and how to cope with it. If you are not up to openly discussing it yet - you can get literature on it - ask your local doctor ? Knowing in advance that it is going to happen doesn't necessarily help with the pain of the actual loss. How you interpret what has happened will help you to some extent (I believe).. if you consider that he is still here in some way, still accessible to you in your mind, that this life is just a stage in an ongoing process, that might make it easier for you to negotiate than if you think that death is the end. Acknowledge your feelings (you will cry when you are ready to cry) and talk to anyone you feel you can, whether it is family or professionals. Hugs, M.
2007-03-08 19:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by Maeve N 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you're just kind of scattered right now.
It will settle in a bit, but when it settles, that's when the pain starts.
Mom died dec, 05.. I took care of her for the last 4 months she had, so I knew it was coming. when it finally did, everyone fell apart. But one thing that she and I had in common was that we do well in a crisis. So I didn't shed a tear. I called who needed to be called, made the arrangements, notified family that was out of state, cooked for a houseful, cleaned everything in sight, because Mom would not have wanted anyone to have seen the house messy. And I didn't sleep for the 4 days leading up to the funeral. I made it through the funeral and back to the house.. I told my husband that I was just going to go back and throw some water on my face... everyone was whispering about me... why hasn't she broken down yet???? is she OK???? I had heard them for days.. I went back the hall. I had to pass Mom's room. She had a quilt on the foot of the bed. It was ancient. I must have been 12 when she tried to teach me how to quilt, and I hated it.. it was the ugliest thing you have ever seen. I thought that she had thrown it out. But it was there, folded on the foot of her bed.
we had had a hospital bed brought into the spare room while she had been so sick, so I hadn't been in there.
Seeing that silly quilt was all it took. I sat on her bed and held that thing and started to cry.. my husband found me there he had been looking for me for over an hour. I probably lost 5 pound, just in fluid just from crying.
But it helped. but I still reach for the phone when there's a SFGiants baseball game on..we are fans. and it hurts when I remember I can't call her.
I'm sorry you only had 23 years. I had 46 with my mom, but I still feel short changed. I think we both were.
Hang in there. I'm not going to tell you that it will stop hurting. because it won't, but it won't hurt as much. Now I don't remember her in pain like I did for the first year, now I remember her healthy and us having a blast together. I hope you get there soon.
2007-03-08 19:41:04 · answer #3 · answered by larsgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your tragic loss. Everybody grieves differently, there's not a right or wrong way to do it. Right now it sounds like you're in shock or denial, even though you tried to brace yourself for it. You will find yourself crying over everything over the next year. In hospice, they stay with the family for a year and a day for a reason. Don't think you're not caring just because you didn't have hysterics like they show on TV.
2007-03-08 19:36:06 · answer #4 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I lost my father too about five years ago, and I understand what your going through, and i know you wont believe me now but things will get better as a good friend told me when my dad pass "time heals all wounds" and it does you never
ever forget but it does get better. So cry for him anytime you need too, laugh anytime you need too and remember him always and he will always be there.
My prayers are with you and your family.
2007-03-08 19:37:16 · answer #5 · answered by none 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-23 16:52:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
On behalf of the Y!Answers community, we would like to extend our deepest condolences on the demise of your beloved father. I know that you will take comfort that he is finally at peace with God. The Y!Answers community joins you and your family in mourning in this sad time.
2007-03-08 19:31:05 · answer #7 · answered by SGElite 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my mom passed away almost 5 yrs ago.
I wrote a list of all the things I loved about her that were special to me, and only me.
things we shared, that my siblings and my mom and i didn't share with anyone but us.
it made me feel sad and happy.
im me anytime.
greif goes in stages of denial, anger, saddness, acceptance.
lot's of tears, give yourself time,
and get some of the help they offer in support groups
2007-03-08 20:33:37 · answer #8 · answered by Lilly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just wanted to say im sorry for your loss. and if you can't talk to people at home right now i think writing is a good start. possibly a journal or what ever. when your ready to talk you will.
2007-03-09 01:55:46 · answer #9 · answered by chad_27292 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww I'm very sorry about your dad, I hope things get easier for you. Just always cherish those special memories you and him had together!!
2007-03-08 19:26:55 · answer #10 · answered by -мari♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋