How do you know when to just joke around and not take offense, or to take offense to something?

Question

I'm a very sensitive person and am eaisily offended. How do you know when to make an issue out of something, or when to just let it go? My boyfriend says I "flip out" too much. If my feelings are hurt, shouldn't I say something? How do you know when to take a stand and when to let it go?

Answer 1

If it bothers you that you are a sensitive person, maybe it's time for you to spend some time investing in yourself. Any time that a joke can be made about a situation it should be made. A joke that is made to offend or hurt someone should not be made. If you do take offense, you need to stop and ask yourself, why? What made it offensive? Did the truth hurt? Is it something you don't want to be honest and admit to?

I take offense all the time, but I don't flip out or say how I feel. I use it as a learning opportunity. After the offensive words have been said or the offensive action has been taken, I recognize that I'm pissed or whatever - then when time-appropriate, I will take a few minutes to myself. I will write out a description of the event. For example:

When: jun 4, 18:00
Where: breakroom at work
Who offended me: James
Who else was present: Rick, Roger, and Jeff
What was the event that took place: James told Roger that I was being given false credit for the award I had been given that week.
My initial feeling: I was sad, depressed, and pissed. How could James say that? What an ***. Then another realization - my anger was further exasperated (as I think about it now) because Roger did not defend me. He did not support my having received the award, yet he knew how hard I worked on the project and that I deserved it.
My initial reaction: I acted as if I did not overhear the conversation. I quickly grabbed my drink and left the room. I then went to my car to cry.
What result did my initial reaction have on the situation (ie - did it aggravate it? Did it make me feel better? Did it hurt someone else? Did it result in further issues/problems?): It led to me being more stressed out and upset - I started internalizing and doubting my own abilities.

Then, answer these questions:
Is this event still bothering me (after having written it out and seeing the reality of it on paper)?: Yes.
Will this event still affect me in an hour? 6 months? A year?: Yes, if I don’t work through my feelings. Probably not in 6 months, unless James continues to tell people this. In a year - no.

What other ways could I have dealt with this situation? )::::

1 - verbally blown up at James
2 - punched James in head
3 - knocked James on the ground
4 - screamed at Roger for laughing along with James
5 - called a special meeting with the 3 of them and defended my position that I earned the award
6 - threw an insult at James over his jealousy that he did not get the award
7 - told our superior about James’ actions
8 - cried right there in the break room, getting their sympathy and/or apologies
9 - ignored the situation - let my insecurity build up - and pounded a few beers as soon as I was off work
10- quit my job

Having reviewed the action I did take (ie - the result from my reaction as listed above), I will also compare it with what I could have done. I will review all the ways of dealing with the situation and determine what the best method would have been (that way, I will know better next time).

What consequences and feelings would there be if I had ?:
Had I verbally blown up at James, I would have felt better at that moment. I may have forever impaired our friendship and/or working relationship. I may have come off as too sensitive or a *****, or the guys may have said (amongst themselves out of my presence), “Wow, Jenna must have PMS again.”

Continue this process for the remaining options on the list. This is also the time where you can be critical of your brainstorming - there is no reason for me to even analyze option #2 or 3 because I immediately recognize that this would result in my having been fired, among other problems.

So was your reaction the right choice? What have you learned from this?

Okay, I guess I only told you how to analyze a situation at this point. You can do this for any feeling you are having or had, but now there is work that must be done:.

Now we understand/know what reaction we might have wanted to use or will try next time. So why did we want to flip out in the first place?

Issue: James’ comment led others to question my ability. His comment also made me have to think about the issue. Did I really deserve that award? Does everyone feel this way about me? Why would James say something like that?

My feelings and thoughts about the issue: I take pride in my work and tried really hard on that project. I was so happy and proud when I received that award. Now I feel like crap. I have to question everything about me. Am I really just a fake? Everybody must think the way James does. I shouldn’t even be working here. I don’t know anything.

Now take the time to evaluate your feelings and thoughts. Ask these questions:

Is it true? Can I prove it? Is it a fact?
Is it helpful? Is it serving my best interest? Is it making me happy?
Does keeping this thought advance and protect who I am?
Does it help me get more of what I need and deserve? Do I keep finding myself in unfavorable circumstances because of this thought?:

For Example:
Thought/Feeling #1: “I take pride in my work and tried really hard on that project.
Is it true? Can you prove it? Is it a fact?: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Is it helpful? Is it serving your best interest? Is it making you happy?: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Does keeping this thought advance and protect who I am? Yes, it continues to build my self esteem and ability at work. I know what I am capable of, and this is just one example of my own greatness.
Does it help me get more of what I need and deserve? Do I keep finding myself in unfavorable circumstances because of this thought?: Yes. This thought helps me push myself to achieve and try hard in life. No.

Thought/Feeling #6: “Everybody must think the way James does.”
Is it true? Can I prove it? Is it a fact?: No (though I might be reluctant to admit it while feeling bad at the moment). Yes, I can prove/disprove it. It’s not a fact - susan and jamie both complemented the good job I did, so they don’t feel the way James does.
Is it helpful? Is it serving my best interest? Is it making me happy?: No. No. No.
Does keeping this thought advance and protect who I am?: No, it holds me back and makes me think everyone hates me.
Does it help me get more of what I need and deserve? Do I keep finding myself in unfavorable circumstances because of this thought?: No. If I continue to think this thought, I will find myself in unfavorable circumstances. I may stop trying at work or in life. I may begin to hate everyone because I think they are all judging and criticizing me.

If you find that your thoughts/feelings are not true or fact, it’s time to get rid of them, especially if they are not helping you (which they shouldn’t be). A big key to the whole process is to be completely HONEST. Forever I could not admit as to why I did not like Jill. I just knew that I didn’t like the *****. I could not give a concrete answer to any of my friends as to why I felt this bitterness towards Jill. When I finally sat down and analyzed it, I became honest with myself and admitted that deep down I was jealous of her. Granted I did not run and tell everyone else, but at least I faced it. I asked myself why I was jealous and what I could do about it. This is a whole nother long procedure I’m not about to present here, but I hope you get the idea. If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact/ask .

One more thing. I use the above procedure with any feeling I am having (good and bad). I revamped my whole life by looking at how I felt about my job, health, education, self, etc. - we spend more time with our internal dialogue than with anyone in the world, so it’s pretty damn important that we get it right : ).

If situations are not going the way you would like them to, figure out what role you are playing in them. Okay, I have to stop - too much info already -

Answer 2

Some clues that might hint at a joke are a sarcastic voice and laughing eyes. Yes, your eyes do laugh! It is probably the biggest hint to determine between taking it seriously and taking it as a joke. If you look into someone's eyes and they are telling you something serious, then their eyes will not have contained laughter, smiling eyes or laughing eyes, and they will seem a bit calmer unless they're very outraged for some reason or other.

Answer 3

You need to develop a sense of humor to understand the joke. If not it's just offensive. Maybe you need a boyfriend that is more sensitive, that's another solution to this problem.

Answer 4

Hey, I feel the same at times. The thing I do is laugh at it or just say something back in a sarcastic way. For example you can say "it takes one to know one" or "And what does your opinion mean to me" !!

Answer 5

2 points

Answer 6

other people are more tollerant than others, maybe your boyfriend is real tollerant, so to him, its nothing?

You may be different, but thats okay, everyone is.

Just try running that by him =]

Personally, im very tollerant and yeah,

=D

goodluck =]

Answer 7

to me, i can take joke... but will joke with that person too... i felt that if one cant take joke, den he/she shd not joke with others....

Answer 8

I have no idea. I guess probally never will.