A blonde's year in review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!So I complained to the judge - he stroked my breasts to say sorry for them all, so that's okay!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of Cholchester is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate Smarties's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December - Dieted to get into dress - lost 4 stone! Said eat three calorie-controlled meals in 1 day, then skip for two days, then repeat, for a maximum of 21 days. Couldn't get up on the 24th of December - legs killing me after all that skipping - "duh"..... what a stupid diet!!! I missed the party and stayed in bed!
What a year!!
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts!
2007-03-08 17:37:39 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
it is hard out here to get people to laugh but when your fans get round to reading them they will be cracking up with laughter love it myself lol 10/10
2007-03-08 22:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay so a guy is
nearing the
end of his
senior
year in high school.
Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his
younger
brother who is only 9
years
old.
One night, he decides to bring his
girlfriend home
for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother
is
sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants
it
harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,
would you
guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise
all over my
face!*!*!*!*!
2007-03-08 17:48:14 · answer #2 · answered by kilzer52 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wonderful. a salesperson knocked on the door of a house in a clean housing progression and a female spoke back the door. He began, "Ma'am, i'm merchandising the latest innovation in vacuums, it particularly is the superb little gadget I genuinely have seen in an prolonged time," and with that, he proceeded to offload on her new carpet a mix of ketchup, salsa, airborne dirt and dust, grape juice, and so on. as she watched, horrified. He reported, "If this vacuum does not freshen up that mess, i will consume it!" She reported, "might you like a fork?! we've not have been given the means on yet!"
2016-09-30 10:24:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny to me....good ole British humor! Some of your wording gave it away...we lose pounds not stones! A soft top I suppose is what we call a convertible? I know you call car hoods bonnets! Are you blonde?? LOL!
2007-03-08 17:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by dapperdoll 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This was funny the first time it did the email rounds - now it belongs in the virtual museum of antique office jokes
2007-03-08 19:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by ************* 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I liked most of them. I didnt like January and October, but the rest were hilarious!!
2007-03-08 17:42:30 · answer #6 · answered by MAK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Loved every one of em, its a tough old year. well done. 10/10
2007-03-09 10:06:06 · answer #7 · answered by newciderman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now that`s faf!!
Love your jokes
12/10 have a *
Tink xx
2007-03-10 05:57:01 · answer #8 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A big 10/10 :)
2007-03-08 18:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by Closed 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What if GOD is blonde??? Think about it Honey.
2007-03-08 18:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋