i care for my boyfriend a lot but he has a daughter that lives with us and it is so hard for to adapt?

Question

i have no kids of my own and i really dont care for kids to be around them everyday i like being alone in my own little world what to do sometimes well everytime i wish it was just us two

Answer 1

I have 2 girls of my own and a step daughter....I sympathize with you, I am NEVER alone (though I enjoy kids)
But if I were in your position I would feel the same, you dont have any of your own, your wanting your boyfriends undivided attention...and so does his child!
Maybe hire some one to look after her every now and again so you can have time alone if there are no willing relatives around.
Only other thing I can suggest is to think about whether you want to be in this relationship where you have a 'responsibility' to be a motherly type figure for this girl....if not now, but in the long term.
OR, if you want to find some one on your level...childless, that you can grow with and later choose to have your own children with or not.
I hope this has helped you.

Answer 2

You did not mention the child's mother.... How did that clown get custody and then think of his own selfish needs more than those of his child's? Is the mother a hooker or passed away or something?

You made a terrible mistake - you did not know what it meant to be a mother and that is understandable - since caregiving is a fulltime job. HOWEVER if you stay in this poor child's life you are a monster. If you stay in the life of such a selfish man - you are a fool.

His litle girl is already disadvantaged if the security of his family unit is gone through death, divorce or whatever! That means he should have been much more caring as a parent - the child must come first in his life. Stay away from divorced men - especially those with children - especially if you have not been an ex-wife before - you have much to learn about the nature of men - and children.

Answer 3

You need to accept what you've realized about yourself and get the hell out of this kid's life. How wretched for her to live with someone who doesn't like kids. You are supposed to be building a family, not being off in your own world. It is really despicable that you are living with this guy in front of his daughter in the first place, and it is beyond despicable that he has in his home a woman who doesn't really like to be around kids.

Be a woman, be a grownup, move out and leave that poor poor child alone.

Answer 4

whoa there... a child is a huge part of a parents life your boyfriend has a child and sorry to say but for most your connection to your children and your maternal enstincts will over ride your relationships

but anyway here the deal you can't be alone without the kid but dislikeing it phychologically means to you that the child is and interference and competition over you bofriends attention

but you can't help but feel that and you can't compete with a child in there young years at home they need all the love they can get if you push them out of the way then its on you that truley that kid will be screwed up later on in life

my advise is to either try to accept the child as important to a loved one therefore important to you or get out of that realationship beacasue not only will it harm you it will drain your boyfirend and harm the child

Answer 5

Well you had best move on, as a parent i know this, nobody in their right mind would choice any mate over their child. And if boyfriend finds out, he will deeply, secretly resent you. And the child WILL pick up on you feelings also. Very selfish did you not know he had a child before you were with him?

Answer 6

Honestly, you knew you didn't care much for children before you started dating a man with a child. I think it is your own personal right not to want to have children, but perhaps you shouldn't be with someone who does. If you love this man that much, then you are going to have be an adult and accept his child and try to make it work. What ever you don't take your resentment out on the child, she did not ask for her dad to date you.

Answer 7

As a mother I will tell you that your not selfish, you know exactly what you want. Sorry to tell you, but you have to let him go, you can't force yourself to love this child. This will put distance between you two because things will only get worse. When I was young I made it up in my mind to not date men with kids because at that age you can afford to be picky.

Answer 8

grow up and act like an adult. You made the decision to stay with him and you need to except his child as well. You should get fixed..you should not be allowed to have kids. You are a bad bad bad person. You cant just expect him to toss out his kid for you..no matter what you think..you are not that good.

Answer 9

If you love your boyfriend and want your relationship to last, you're going to have to adapt and overcome. His daughter is his blood and is his little girl. You will understand when you have your own child. You have to start small. Baby steps. You don't have to assume to mother role immediately, be her friend and let it develop from there. If you love your boyfriend, you have to accept and love her too, she's part of him and choosing to love him, is loving all of him.

Answer 10

i am married to a man with 3 grown up kids. I know it is hard to adapt to that kind of environment but when I do say I am going to marry this man because I love him.. the responsibility that comes in between is acceptable. we love and we learn to accept.. try to open up your heart.... it will be good to all of you.