I really need some advice, please. Im just so tired and confused.?

Question

I broke up with my bf months ago because he pretty much treated me like crap, I dont wanna go into details. Lately I've been trying to be friends with him because I dont want to lose contact with him but everytime we talk it just feels really awkward, and all he talks about is negative things in his life. He told me that he doesnt want me anymore but everytime we talk its like he wants me to feel sorry for him. So whenever he says something I just reply with one word answers. The other night he asked me "are you ever gonna stop hating me?" and i told him that i dont hate him but its hard for me to talk to him because i was in love with him and he hurt me a lot. after i said that, his only response was "wow". and then we didnt talk anymore after that. should i keep trying to be friends? what should i say to him? should i even say anything at all? should i just forget him? im so confused. when i try to forget him, i miss him, when i try to be friends, he hurts me. what do i do?

Answer 1

Since you guys just split up (I'm assuming you did), of course you're going to want to be friends with him, but what I think you should do is give your self time away from him. You still have all these feelings for him so yeah it's going to be awkward. I know it's going to be hard trying to stop contacting him but you need to. You said he treated you like crap and it sounds like he's not sorry for doing so. Try hanging around other friends, doing something you love to keep your mind off of him. But if you let him treat you like this then he's just going to keep doing it. Why do you want to be friends with someone that's going to hurt you? I had an ex who I really cared about and after we broke up we tried to be friends but he still treated me like crap so I stopped talking to him. It took awhile but now were friends and I have no feelings for him like I used to. Like I said, give yourself time and then find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 2

Take a step back and look at how you feel. Do you love him truly? Or do you not? Now take another step back. Does he love you? Will he treat you with the respect that you deserve? Is he worth all of the trouble? If you can answer these questions, make a desicion of what you want to do. If you can't, then just wait a little bit more until you can. Don't lose hope, because remember there are always more fish in the ocean and you can always be friends still. Don't stress or worry so much, if it's meant to happen then it will. If you can figure out how you feel, then go from there, because in a relationship, one's feelings are the most important. Have faith in yourself and be completely relaxed. Good luck!

Answer 3

i just went throught the exact problem.. its hard...its gets really fustrating being around him and the when ur not u miss him. maybe u feel quilty thats why u still want to be his friend.or he was a very important or is person in ur life u don't want to throw it all away in just couple days.. go with ur gut instinct do u want to talk to him... i would say something trying to forget him would be imposibble especially since u were inlove with him. it think over time the hurt will wear off u learn to live with it and soon enough u ignore it an then it meeans nuttin doesn't hurt u anymore and maybe u might come to uderstand him better and realize he doesn't mean to hurt u or he isn't what u want in a partner. take it one day at a time don't rush.. Try o keep ur self busy by going out with ur friend or doing things that will distract u from thinking about him.. maybe in time u might be able to work things out making sure u know what u (qualities)want and he has what u want... like with me and my ex took me a while though i was wrong blaming myself things went wrong but that wasn't the case... am still very close to his family and i see him once in a while.and am with someone else now which is a great relationship...and i learned to not be bothered by things he says that might have hurt me back then.. i time love kinda dies because of being hurt alot u don' t want to give up but in time u might realize no point to try... Given time you won't be confused any more u will know what to do...each person has a process of healing.. someppl heal faster tha other but no matter now long u take or u drop down once in a while but slowy ur getting up there. i hope i was of some help and wish you all tha best.

Answer 4

Being friends after breakups is really tough. Why don't you give yourself some time alone and think. Your head will be clearer if you give yourself some time far from him, meaning no communication at all with him. You would be more objective that way. Ask yourself why you really want to be friends with him, even if you say "he pretty much treated me like crap". If that is the case, maybe it's better to let him go right now. If he truly loves you, he shouldn't have treated you that way. It is really hard to let go of someone who you've been used to being with. If the reason for the break up is something that would affect your relationship even as friends, then maybe it is better to let go.

Answer 5

How about doing nothing for the time being? Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is find a place within ourselves that allows us the 'space' to do nothing. Go about your daily life; visit with friends and family; read a book or two....pick up your life where you left off.

I applaud the mature and honest way in which you handled the situation with him. It's impossible to forget anyone -- so don't try. Rather, look back on the situation -- and celebrate how smart you were for walking away from it! You obviously deserve better.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Don't talk to him as much as you do. You can still keep in touch if thats what you want. But let him call you sometime too. When you do talk to him and he's being negative try your hardest to give him lots of words of encouragement. He might be going through a really tough time in his life right now and the only way for him to express it is being negative. Definetly don't chase him though and don't push friendship on him! Maybe also his way of getting over you is being negative. It all depends what he's saying that is negative. Try to talk to him about it. Maybe he will eventually open up to you.

Answer 7

If you still believe in love with him here's what you do.

First of all, he seems a little selfish. Because when he was hurting you it was fine but now that he doesn't have you, he wants you to feel sorry for him and give him what he needs.

But hey! That's men these days right?

I honestly suggest to move on and date and have fun. Don't take men seriously. Just have fun. That's what they do with us. Don't give in until you find that right guy whose worth your tears yet wont make you cry.

But in the meantime, I know how it feels to still have feelings for someone and not wanting to give up on the person because you love them and want to be with them.

Just lay low for a while. If you hurt, you hurt. Just don't show that you're hurting. Be his friend I guess but I don't think he can be able to see you as a friend. You use to hold and kiss each other romantically. Friends don't do that.

Just stay close in conversation but far in romance. And do everything you ever wanted to do. LIVE! Accomplish things. He'll see that you're off doing your thing and making something of yourself and not wasting time on him. He'll come around if he's going to come around.

If not, move on.

Answer 8

If I could give you a gentle, loving shove in any other direction, I would. Sometimes break ups have to be clean!! You just can't remain friends. You can be pleasant, casual friends, you can wish each other well, but you do not need to continue a relationship with someone so shallow their only response to you is , "Wow." Give me a break. How could you possibly settle for so little? Aren't your bored to tears listening to Mr. Negativity? The past is just that, honey, leave it alone. The future starts with letter F which stands for fun, funky, free, fabulous. Go forward.

Answer 9

I understand ur position very well coz av had that experience. Its really difficult to let go of people we love and yet they hurt us each time we try to be friends with them. My advice would be ur both hurt and it wud be good to mix with other people to make more friends and give urselves a break from picking on each other. This tension between the two of you will only come to an end when one of you finds a very good understanding friend. Talk to him less coz u rewind the pain. At least thats what av done,though now he tries to be good and apprecaitive each time he sends an sms.

Answer 10

well you are the only one that knows if you should or should not stay friends with him.. just ask urself this question..
after you talk to him, do you feel better or worst? does he make you happy or sad?
because if the whole reason you broke up with him in the first place was because you were *unhappy* .. and now you are still *unhappy* as his friend.... then maybe he's just not a good person to have around...

afterall, isn't love suppose to make you feel good?

give it time, then try the friendship thing, way too soon.....!