How do we keep it small and simple?

Question

My fiance and I have been trying to find the perfect spot for our wedding. We first started by writing down all the people to invite. It was going to be 100 people at first. Then we decided on the perfect spot. It would be outside, in a courtyard of this building downtown. Problem is, it would have to be a small crowd. In all honesty though, the small crowd would be great for us. The two of us are shy and don't like getting up in front of a lot of people. I know it's family, but still.

Anyway, we trimmed our list down to 20 people on each side. Basically it's immediate family, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few friends on his side. He also has 3 groomsmen and I have 3 bridesmaids (trimmed down from 6).

How do we go about invites? We can't afford to feed 100 people and this place is also cheaper to rent. We aren't waiting a year or two to save, so don't bother saying. Is there a way to include the other people? The other people on my side aren't really close to me.

Well, basically I don't want to make people mad or hurt their feelings. I guess it's gonna happen. I've never wanted a big lavish wedding. I want it to be intimate, I guess would be the word. I just want the most important people in my life there, not people I hardly ever talk to. I guess we could do a cookout or something later on and invite people who are important.

Actually, to the person saying the whole, "It's the bride's day!" or whatever. That doesn't apply to me at all, cause see, I actually care what everyone else wants over what I want. And also, this will save my parents money that they don't have (it was actually partially their idea). So yeah, don't judge me like that. I'm not like that. I've never been one of those girls who dream of their wedding day when they're like...7. I cared about other things. I did however dream of the perfect guy, the one thing that does matter to me. I know that I just want to marry him and get a house and start our life and our family. Until today, I didn't know how to make it to where we didn't spend so much. I know I could just go to the courthouse and do it, but I want it to be under God, not under the stupid government. I also want at least the most important people in my life (and in his life) to be there. That's not much to ask for.

Answer 1

I have had to attend quite a few weddings, some that I really didn't even want to.
Remember this is YOUR day. Keep the list down to the most important people. All these aunts and uncles and cousins etc... is no good. Tell people that you just can't afford the wedding.
You are only going to get one shot at this day. Make sure it is all about you. I can't understand why other people always interfere with a woman's wedding day.
You are getting married! Make this day perfect for YOU, not THEM.

Answer 2

Don't worry about what others think so much. I am like you and I do but this is your day. I love the word you used "intimate" I wanted a wedding like that but listened to all the other people and ended up have a traditional catholic huge wedding that cost me more then I wanted to spend and I hated everything about it.
Have someone with a nice digital camera take pictures. That alone will save a ton of money. If it is going to be that small go to Sams club and do finger sandwhiches and such. Kind of like a picnic. You can get a beautiful simple dress and not spend $100's of dollers. Check Davids Bridal, Bargainweddingdresses.com and Ebay. You could get some pretty stationary and do your own invites. I think immediate family and only best closest friends are great to keep it simple and if someone says something to you that is just an aquaintence just explain to them you are getting married because the two of you love one another not to have a huge party for everyone else. Anyone that minds doesnt matter and anyone who matters won't mind. Have a wonderful beautiful day.

Answer 3

Hey, just wanted to tell you that I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm in the exact situation.

My fiance and I are trying to keep the numbers down..we also have about 100 people on our list but have managed to cut it down to about 75.

It's so hard because there are a lot of people who will expect an invitation...people you may not even feel have had that much input into your life in recent years, yet will expect to be invited simply because they've known who you are for years or they know your parents.

This is what I've decided: If a small intimate wedding is what you want and can afford, then people will understand that you only want your immediate family there. It's easy to worry about hurting people's feelings, but when it comes down to it, people can't stay offended too long. And as cheesy as it sounds (and I hate it when people say this to me too!), but it's true that it is our wedding day and if we want a small wedding, then we are allowed to have a small wedding. It really is up to us...people won't be offended by that.

People will understand.
All the best,
-emay

Answer 4

Having appetizers and hor'derves would be cheaper than actaully having an actual meal, also making the wedding at an odd time like 1pm so you don't have to feed a meal. Some people ask their close family and friends to chip in by bringing dishes to the reception. I think that's tacky, if a couple to chooses to have a wedding reception, then you're gonna have to feed them something. To save money, you can make your own invites. Get a bridal magazine, they offer alot of info. The back has classifieds, there are also alot wedding websites. Just google whatever you want to look into. Congrats and good luck!

Answer 5

Keep it simple and invite only who you want, 20 on each side sounds reasonable. It's your wedding, it's what you want. I wouldn't want a large wedding either. Lots of times people have small intimate weddings and invite more people to the reception. If you do plan on inviting people to the reception only and not the actual wedding, the invite should say something like: We are having an intimate wedding for close friends and family, but would love to have you come celebrate with us at our reception.
If I wasn't a close family member or your best friend, I would not feel offended. People have more fun at the reception then the actual wedding anyways.
Good Luck

Answer 6

You're not likely to hurt anyone's feelings by having a small intimate affair. Your family and his will understand, especially since these are supposed to be people who know you fairly well and know that you are both more on the reserved side. Just make sure that you send announcements to those you "cut" from the invite list. You don't want to alienate anyone by making them feel they just plain didn't matter. Its one thing to not be invited to the actual event and a whole other to not be included in the "announcement".
Those that "aren't really close" as you said will probably thank you for saving them from the "obligation" of buying a gift.

Congrats on the nuptials.

P.S. If you need any other assistance, email me and I will do my best to help you out (whether budget advice or just a friendly ear).

Answer 7

Small and simple is the way to go, use the money for a great honeymoon or down for a house.

Have a afternoon wedding. Feeding lunch will just be cheaper than dinner, and you can sorta simplify the menu to nothing fancy, just good old basics.

About the invites, just tell everyone right now, it's a small wedding, and you guys are on a tight budget, so your invites are limited. Before they start thinking they're not important enough, just mention that it's only mostly immediate family, and you wish you could extend the invitations, but budget forbids.

Have a RSVP date, and if you've got 40 for the list, buffer it to 50 but tell people you've only got 40. Good luck.

Answer 8

First of all, do not let anyone pressure you into making your wedding a bigger deal (guest-wise) that you both are comfortable with.
As far as food.....think about an evening ceremony. Most folks have already eaten and you could be very elegant with a cocktail / hors de overes recption to follow.Do not do the open bar thing. We had draft beer and setups, cash bar, you have to pay for every bottle that is opened and do not get to keep anything that is not fully used, nor do you (usually) get to keep any buffet food that is not eaten.
I married for the first time 4 yrs ago (at the age of 44) and had a VERY simple and VERY inexpensive ceremony.
We had the wedding & reception in a nice banquet hall. The guests were seated at round tables located on each side of the "aisle".
No travel time between church & reception hall.
I found my dress on-line in at Spegal's, $150.00,simple creamy beige colored with beads, no train or pouffy skirt, basically a cocktail type dress, no veil, merely a rhinestone tiara type headband.I was lucky in having a friend that was a buyer for a large florist and she did the flowers for cost, and my boquet was a wedding present.
Simple hand-made favors, with Hershey Kisses, Hershey's HUgs, and a small computer generated slip that said " a hug & a Kiss for wedded bliss.wrapped in fishnet type webbing tied with a slender ribbon.
A small printing company can take care of the invites, but they usually have a minimum number that you must order.
Try a print-copy shop like KinkO's that do printing, photo copying and banners. They can help you design, and usually do not have a minimum # to order--no waste.
I used a local "mom & pop" type printing company and they handled invites w/ RSVP cards, cocktail napkins, matchbooks for about for about $250.00, but that was for 200 invites.
I also was lucky enough to have a great friend that has her own karaoke equiptment and she provided the music as a wedding present. Check your local newspapers that handle entertainment listings for clubs in your area. They usually have a "for hire" section that includes ads for DJ type services.
Do you have a friend or know someone that has one who hobbies in photography?
If not, that is the only thing ;that you do not want to cut cost on.
I had a family member do a video on the side, in addition to the photographer.
My wedding was larger than what you have in mind, but it was very inexpensive and I have had many tell me that it was the best wedding that they have ever attended.
Good luck.
If you have not seen the movie "My Greek Wedding", rent it and watch. If you have seen it, rent it and watch it again.
Keep it simple and keep down your stress level, and ENJOY!

Answer 9

The most important thing is to stay relaxed and don't let anyone else's judgements affect your special day. Do what you want. In thisk day and age, nobody who loves you is going to care. You can go to Michaels and make your own invites however you want. For food, you can have fruit, cheese and crackers. And of course, the cake and some type of beverage. People who care about you are there to share the special day with you is all. Everything else is an extra. Don't worry about what people will think, enjoy the moment of your wedding , and your marriage which is the most important thing anyway. Best wishes

Answer 10

It is perfectly acceptable to send out wedding announcements after the wedding. Look them up on theknot.com . Once you are married you can send them to the people who you would like to know about the wedding. They can be very elegant and look like wedding invites or be very casual, like something your print yourself. Even if you have really nice ones done they will cost about 2 to 3 dollars a piece which is like 200-300 bucks which is certainly cheaper than inviting them all!