We went off to college, and now I want to meet new people. He doesn't understand. What to do?

Question

I don't know how to explain to my ex-boyfriend why we can't be together right now. We just went off to college in the fall and broke up because we need to meet new people. College is the best years of your life, and I don't want to feel tied to one person. He does not understand this at all and tells me, "If you love me, you don't need to see other people to be sure" What is everyone's opinions on this situation?

Answer 1

I can understand where you're coming from completely. Listen to your gut instict on this one and take no prisoners when telling him what you know in your heart is right. It's a very hard situation to deal with because I'm sure you care deeply for him and he obveously cares for you as well. I hate to be the one to have to say this, but it takes more than love to make a relationship last the test of time. You have to experience true independance and understand who you are as a seperate, adult, woman. Men don't realize the emotional power they have over us when we enter into a commited relationship without first understanding who we are. He may not realize it now, but you are the more mature person in the relationship. As such, it's up to you to make sure to protect both him and you from a potentially painful and toxic situation. Picture yourself a few years down the road, 25 years old, out of undergraduate, mabe with a child, still wanting to find yourself, and still wondering if he was the right choice. It doesn't get better, it gets worse. Resentment is a relationship killer and it will happen to you if you don't stand up for what you know you need. If he doesn't respect your need for independance at this point in your life, he's too immature to be participating in a long-term relationship. Tell him like it is, allow him to be angry at you for awhile and get in contact with him in a few months. Keep this limited contact with him until he and you have each dated at least one other person. Nearer to the end of college, you will have a much better idea of whether he's someone with whom you have a future and so will he. Feel free to e-mail me if you need any more support. This is more important than you think. Stand strong, and take your first step towards being an independant woman. If you do, you're a better person than me! :)

Answer 2

I would firmly agree with you on this one. College is a great time and you need to see what else is out there. Most relationships from high school do not last through college anyway. It is a great time to get away from all the people from your hometown and meet some totally new and different people. It is clear that your ex-boyfriend is not mature enough to understand this. The use of the "If you love me" line suggests that he is a whiny *****.

Answer 3

You need to tell him that your feelings for him are strong, but it isn't really love. If you love someone you don't want or need to see other people. That's where men and women don't see eye to eye. I've heard the same years ago. You can say "I love you" and the real feeling in your heart is "I like you alot". True love makes you blind to all but the one person who is special to you. You forget about past boyfriends, past husbands, and don't have a desire to seek other men's attention. You only live to please that special one. When you find that feeling in your heart you know what love is. Don't confuse him by telling him you love him and turn around and say I need to date around. That's neither fair nor honorable to someone that you have considered a committed partner. Cut off your relationship with him entirely and go have your fun. If he is still waiting years down the road you can both decide if you want to rekindle things again.

Answer 4

Be honest with yourself about what you want. The fact that you don't know everything is all right. After college you STILL won't know everything. Once you know what you need then talk to him. If he really loves you he'll respect your decision. Even if it doesn't work out. Long-distance relationships with no commitment are a ***** to continue. I was in one for almost two years (I was in Japan and my ex was in Canada). We saw each other twice in a year-and-a-half. Could you handle THAT?

Answer 5

ok, so before everything, in regards to the internet element...in case you do this purely be certain you meet human beings in public places. no longer each physique you meet online is a newborn molester or stalker; I in basic terms say this because of the fact I met my husband over the internet. 2d, you're no longer likely to fulfill all that lots of human beings via sitting at abode the two. online could help slightly, in spite of the indisputable fact that it somewhat is not going to discover you a million associates. you need to get accessible and connect issues. There ought to be some form of communities on your section, possibly e book golf equipment or something with an pastime you appreciate. Or, looking on the place you reside, your county or city could furnish instructions in workout, writing, crafts the place you could discover some new and thrilling associates. you need to get accessible in case you certainly need to discover human beings to work together with.

Answer 6

Well, he's right. If you love him, you love him. Period.

So why are you afraid of telling him you DON'T love him? Why do you want to string him along?

Grow a backbone and be honest with him. Tell him you're setting him free. Stop trying to save his feelings, because you're just torturing the both of you.

Answer 7

You know what the answer is. You just want someone else just to say so that you don't have to blame yourself if it don't work for you. Life 101- Hard decisions must be made now and then!

Answer 8

"I don't love you, it's over."

You need to be firm and break off clean. That's the best situation for everyone involved. Leave no doubt in his mind.

Answer 9

i went through the same thing...honestly you 2 dont love each other...cuz i was THERE once..and my ex bf ended cheating on me...so if u dont want to be hurt...DONT go back with him..change ur number and wutever or dont answer his call...u just need to move on..ok good luck..if u love urself DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU dont do things to satified others...ok GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 10

Yes, i agree with him... But just tell him its over and leave you alone... Because you want to find someone else.. just give him a heads up to look for other girls and date them... have fun w/ his life...