I cheated 2 years ago. My financee just found out. What should I do?

Question

I met my current girlfriend more than two years ago. At the time, I had also just starting dating another girl. Unfortunately, I was not honest to either girl and didn't tell them that I was also dating someone else. Yes- I made a huge mistake. I lied, and told my current girlfriend there was no one else when in fact I went on a couple dates and even spent the weekend away once with the other grl.

This is not like me. I wasn't that interested in the other girl, and I became very interested in my current girlfriend (she's perfect! and now my financee!). I'm an idiot - I didn't end it soon enough or cleanly enough with the other girl.

So I dated the other girl for about 3 months while I was also dating my current girlfriend. After about 5 months we "officially" became boyfriend/girlfriend, but I still wasn't honest with my girlfriend initially.

She just found all this out yesterday. We've been engaged for 4 months.

What is she thinking?
What should she do?
What should I do?

Answer 1

Firstly, I am torn. As a person my fist thought was oh I am sorry to hear that. As a girl, I am thinking how can I be sorry that was really shitty of him. But that neither her nor there.
Firstly, what is she think? She is hurt. And probably think how can I marry someone who i just found out lied to me. How will be ever be honest in a marriage if he wasn't honest during the engagement
Secondly? What should she do...that’s a hard one: I think only you or her has the answer to that question. You know her better than I do and She knows herself far more than either of us.
Thirdly; What should you do? be honest. Sometimes it the simplies things that count. I think the explanation you gave about made sense. You weren't honest and it was a mistake...of course she is not going to say oh a mistake, i am glad you admitted: I forgive you! She is going to need some time to process the information. In the mean time you need to either giver her her space (not too much space like not call her for a week) but not too much attention like calling her everyday/ever hour!!! And lastly ask her for a chance to make up for your mistake by A. never lying about important things again...my ex has taught me that if you really love someone you will make changes for them...i.e. when I caught his doing something (not cheating) he said he wouldn’t do it again and he still hasn’t it was a gamble but it paid of... let her know that you understand that its a difficult time for her and you will do whatever it take to get back the trust you severed.

hope this helps
good luck

Answer 2

Well it's in the past. It's okay to date to find out what you want and to see whats out there. There's nothing wrong with that. But if both parties don't know about your dating situation and they think they're the only one, thats when it's not right.

Right now she's probably hurt and thinking about how she didn't realized what you were doing. Also shes probably thinking that it's in the past so forgive him.

But she's also probably thinking, what if you do it again.

Truth is you lied. Thats the hard part to over come. Now she's gonna question everything you say. She's gonna wonder if you're lying or telling the truth.

I've been through this before. I recommend to have a lie detector test done on yourself. This will help her trust you.

Don't think that suggestion is outrageous because it's not.
So many people lie these days and cheat that you can't trust no one. And if she's gonna marry you, give her some security in knowing that you're an honest person now.

If she's going to be your future wife, she's worth anything right?

Answer 3

The only thing that I can tell you is just give her the time she needs to forgive you for what you have done. Although it's 2 years old now she still may have thoughts in her head about what other things have gone on in the relationship that she doesn't know about. There is not really much you can do at this point but hope and pray that she forgives you. I know you realize it know but what goes around comes around and no matter how hard you try to keep things in the dark it will eventually find it's way to the light. Make sure that there is nothing else that you need to tell her before you guys continue seeing each other. Get everything out in the open and be real with your girl. Good luck

Answer 4

If there ever was a time to be honest it's now! Naturally she's not going to happy with you whatsoever, because, well duh you lied big time! She's going to feel betrayed, dumb for ignoring or missing all of the possible signs, and I think it's pretty safe to say you're not going to gain her trust back any time in the near future. You're gonna need to do a lot of talking, even if she tells you she doesn't want to hear it. Girls as a general rule want to know the WHY about everything that goes on. So give it to her, spill the real reason as to why you didn't tell her before. You have to realize that 1) once you shatter someone's trust like that it's going to seem impossible to even start gaining it back, and 2) she's going to wonder that if you were so easily capable of doing it before, then what's to stop you from doing it again?

Well I hope for the best for you two. Good luck with Damage Control!

Answer 5

Well cheating is always a difficult thing to contemplate. Why do some do it and others avoid at the risk of death. Statistics tell us that about 50% of all men have cheated and about 63% of all women, at some point during their life. I think that indicates human nature, not sin or weakness, so do what you want, but i don't ultimately think its the end of the world should either party have a little sex on the side.
Yes you cheated, now ask yourself is it worth the end of your marriage? Talk to her, confess all and hope for the best.

Answer 6

She is hurt and angry for sure.She has every right to dump you you made her look like a fool.You should apologize,grovel stay home evey night for the next six weeks eating oreos because if she does choose to stay with you or come back to you after she gets someone else a while to rub in your face.You better stay away from other women.I would dump you and get someone younger or with more money to rub in your face.How could you do that to a girl?

Answer 7

You may love her ...You may be honest to her....You may even think you convinced her. But this incident will never go out of her mind if she really been loving you from her heart.

It is not about just being honest to her, but you need to be able to show it from your HEART by convincing her why you find her more important and valuable to you than the other one.

And you better keep that up for ever...

Your question has an answer here check out : http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlXDBXM4koyBY1LqNDdWjcvD7BR.?qid=20070308214944AAJxRU8

Answer 8

Just be contrite and understanding. You screwed up. If you lose her, live and learn. Its up to her now.

Answer 9

she is thinking you are a pig. she should raise her right hand right above your face and with all her might... slap you. after she slaps you, you should raise your right hand right above your face and with all your might, slap yourself. and then both of you place your right hand again on your faces and with a force stronger than the first time, slap yourselves. that's from me.

Answer 10

if you really do love her..tell her you're sorry and you lover her and you don't want to jeopardize losing her now. tell her what she means to you..
keep apologizing..
flowers?? cards?? parents help??
good luck