How do I stop thinking about this?

Question

My brother is a drug addict and has been for the past 11 years. He will always be a nobody and worthless. He steals from my entire family, has no job because he's lazy, lives with my grandma, and has my poor grandma on S.S. buy him drugs, food, and cigarettes. My mom still loves him and she said when she dies, she will give him money, and he will spend it all in one day on drugs. While, I will spend it on college and invest it. I want him dead, I always have been, my happiest time was when he was in jail. Everyone always tries to bail him out, and the first chance I get, I will put him back in jail forever. I seriously hate him, and I can't stand to hear his name. I get so mad at my mom everytime she mentions him and I won't talk to her. I work so hard and she treats us the same. I just want him to be locked up for life until he dies because he causes the family so much problems. My dad even hates him and won't let him in our house.

I won't even talk to my sister anymore because she is letting our druggie brother be around the new twins she is pregnant with. He is just such a bad influence and she doesn't think so. We used to hang out all the time, but now she started hanging out with him and I told her I don't like it. I don't want my nieces and nephews on drugs by age 6. I know he is a human being, but I just can't get over the fact that I hate him. What do you think?

he doesnt wanna get off drugs, he smokes 2 packs a day bc hes bored, but too lazy to work. they offered him a month out early in jail if he did rehab.....he refused and first 5 mins out, overdoses on pills.......he has ruined my relationship with my sister, my mother, my grandma.....i cant stand it anymore and i just start crying bc i hate him so much. i wont let him in the house, it was freezing and i locked him out when he had car trouble and told him to go somewhere else

Answer 1

This is really hard i know.I have 4 uncles and they have all done drugs adn they all have a really bad drinking problem. And when i was 12 i found pot in my uncles basement.So i kind of know how youare feeling because my uncle is 23 and he still lives with my grandma and he dilivers pizza and he did heroine and my mom and other unle had to bail him out of jail.And he acts like a 15 year-old he comes home at 9:00 a.m after partying all night and just tries to come hang-out with me and i won't let him because i know that he is drunk nad im afraid what he will do and idk if he is still doing drugs but i jsut dont want to be with him.But I know this is probably really really hard for you but you have to try to talk to him and try to get him help!He needs your love♥.And your a family you have to stick together that is what family is for.And Your sister nad your mom our just trying to help him ((ATLEAST THAT IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE))But i understand how upset you are!My other uncle was going to jail when he was 15 ffrom drinking under age and breaking into peoples houses and doing drugs and i grew up with that and im sorry that that is how you are too!But you have to try to help try to talk to your grandma and tell her to tell your brother that she will give him like $200 and he better use it wisely like trying to get help nad if he doesnt that she will kick him out untill he does get help.And for you you just need to try to think of good things and how if he gets help you can have your real brother back!And you wont have to deal with that old crapy worthless brother anymore!And please let me know how everything works out...

Answer 2

I understand exactly the predicament you are in. As my brother is a drug addict too.
However, you will never understand what your mother is feeling towards her son... You will never know until you have your own children, how absolutely emotionally devastating for a mother to see her child be so sick with this disease.
She wants to help so much, and wants to see him taken care of.
Its too hard for her to let him go, so that he learns his own lessons.

The disappointment and the sadness your whole family feels is very strong, just everyone deals with it differently.
Your dad doesnt hate him, he is sad in his own manly way, and chooses to disconnect from him, so he doesnt watch him kill himself.

They dont give you the attention, because this sadness and heartbreak is being focused on your brother.

You are a high sense of relief to your parents. They just dont express it, because again they are too torn up by your brother.

I think you need to turn your hate into compassion, and love your parents and other family (show them you love them) even though you dont like the way they are handling your brother.
They do this because they love their son/brother.
When you have a child, you will understand that unconditional love.
Your sister does need to get a spine and start thinking about the kids. Things will change with her I suspect, when those babies come into the world, and her husband will eventually have something to say about the drug addict coming around.

You have my sympathy, but you need to have compassion.

PS and to the person who recommends puting him into a rehab???? Sorry hon, it doesnt work like that. They only go to rehab when they decide, and that happens usually after they have hit bottom and lost everything. That will never happen until the family shows "tough love" and disconnects themselves with him, and stop enabling his behavoirs by giving him money and letting him live with them and visiting with them.

Answer 3

All I'd like to say is, try to spend less time judging your brother and try to spend more time with him. Just hang out with him, help him with something, or just share a soda. Because when he dies, you'll suddenly realize that no matter what happens, he was/is/will be your brother, the one and only, and you won't be able to see him again, no matter what you do.
Dead people can't hear our begs for forgiveness. That's why's important to do what's right while the people we care about are still alive.
I mean, honestly. Wouldn't you hate your brother a little less if you could make him stop taking drugs? But since you can't force him to stop, it's easier to convince yourself that you hate him, so if you hate him, you won't have to worry about what happens to him...
Anyhow, I'd suggest you therapy. Not for your brother, but for yourself. Some things we can't change, and so we must learn to live with them. Other's must live their own life, and you must live yours. Live it in a way that makes you proud, always.

Answer 4

Get off ur judgmental ride &make a difference. U so busy hating the situation that u havent even thought up a soulution.

1) he is never going to be out of ur life even if he is in jail, so u need to come up with something in order to live with him

How: convince ur family to send him to rehab (u clearly have a voice use it), carry on like a nagging wife.

if they dont listen to u at all, get external help (using drugs is illegal anyway, social worker etc (&call the police each time) ur family may think u hurting them, but say u wont stand &watch them be the victims to ur brother...

Answer 5

gee, that's a tough one.

i understand where you're coming from. i grew up with a sister who sucked up just about everything she can without caring about the rest of us. i wouldn't say that i hate her, just hate what she does to the rest of us and angry that my parents take her side most of the time.

however, you have anger issues and you seem to be filled with hatred. you'll probably end up with an abusive relationship, either the giver or receiver of abuse (although quite frankly more of a giver), and spend a life time judging people. from your description of your father, i'm guessing that's your source of your personality.

it's one thing to dislike or even hate someone, but it's another to want them, especially your own sibling, dead or locked up in jail forever. i suppose you are very angry at what your brother has done to you. but rather than fill yourself with anger and hatred, why don't you try a bit of understanding and kindness. be supportive. help him out as much as you can to break free from the horrible cycle. don't let him take advantage of you or anything and distance yourself as much as possible, because reality of it is that he'll take every advantage that he can to fix his need for drugs. but know that he's not doing it on purpose, he has an addiction problem. filling yourself up with anger and hatred only hurts you and makes you a miserable person.

good luck with your situation. hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

I think first think you should do is to take him to a rehabiliation centre or a psycharist so that you could make him realize his responsibility towards his family as well make him realize that he is becoming a burden to a family...as far as your mother is concerned you try to tell her that she cannot be so liberal with a son who is so careless and has no sense of responsibility...I think first you have to take your mother in your side because i think she is giving him unwanted praise to do wrong things in life...as for your grandmother you have to see to it that he never goes to her for money...instead tell him that nobody will give you money till you earn yourself....or till you become a responsible person....and one more thing i would tell you to do is to KEEP HIM AWAY FROM BAD COMPANY...I think that will have more influence on him...YOU AND YOUR FATHER HAVE TO TAKE A BOLD STEP IN ORDER TO MAKE HIM REALIZE HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

Answer 7

turn him in to your local agency on aging? i think that is what it's called. they investigate people who take advantage of the elderly. he should not be allowed to do that to your Grandmother!! that is awful. area agency on aging, there's the name, and you do not have to tell them who you are, or you can tell them who you are and have them keep it confidential. they cannot tell who made the report if you ask them not to,but they will be more apt to listen to you being family.