My mom is disappointed that I don't know what I believe in terms of religion.?

Question

I was raised as a Christian. My mom is very religious, and my dad believes that "God has to exist, just look around." I am 23 and am questioning everything in terms of religion. I feel this is normal and that I am being honest with myself, but my mom is praying everyday that there will be a breakthrough, that I have turned my back on God, and that I am in denial of the "truth" that I was raised with. She thinks I am just like she was in college and that I will one day come back to the Lord. I feel so much pressure from her to be what she wants me to be. I love her so much but knowing that she is saddened by and disappointed in me is eating me alive. I haven't felt this conflicted in years. I've tried telling her how I feel about it via email, but she didn't respond to it. Talking to her won't work because I will probably get emotional and then she won't take me seriously. Who knew being honest with yourself has so many consequences. I know theres no easy solution. But what should I do?

Answer 1

Hon,

Boy have I been there and done that. I applaud your approach and your parents are lucky to have you for a daughter. You are being respectful of them. You have tried multiple approaches with your mom. You are concerned enough to ask us here on Yahoo Answers. See what a caring daughter you are?

Some things that "I wish I knew then" that I know now, when discussing religious matters with my parents.

Even though I'm searching, I shouldn't discuss all these questions with them. They're too close to it. It hurts them. Better to talk about it with college friends or even online with people like us.

When you do talk to them, you can never say "I love you" and "I respect you" enough. Say it a lot.

Remind them "You've had me for 23 years. You've taught me your morality and that isn't going to go out the window. But I love and respect you too much to lie to you about who I am." (Try not to talk about it unless they bring it up)

When they start to get emotional about it, you have the right to say "We can talk about this when we can talk calmly. I love you." (and take a break)

Best of luck to you! Feel free to email us -- it's a hard thing, to "disappoint" your parents with things that are so important to them. A "support group" is a good thing to have. :)

Answer 2

Listen, you're mom is being very selfish. I know in a way she isn't because she wants you to be "saved", but she really is. You've already explained that you're searching. If she wants to pray for you that's fine, but to put this kind of pressure on you just so she can feel better is wrong.

I get the same from my mother in law, and I am also 23.

You need to be true to yourself though, to answer your question. No one should EVER make you feel guilty about doing that.

Answer 3

If there is one thing I've learned about life and being happy, it's that life is about WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU (of course as long as you aren't harming yourself or others.) If you are not happy inside, it's unlikely you'll be capable of maintaining relationships with others for very long, on any level.

Spending your life worrying about how to please others is surefire route to a wasted life. If you are questioning religion now, it's pointless to deny these feelings, because they will only return, again and again, as you get older. Figuring out what you "believe" in, is a normal part of growing up, and discovering that your beliefs don't coincide with your parents is something that just about everyone goes through at one time or another.

Sometimes it is VERY difficult to get along with people who have deeply rooted beliefs that contradict your own, but being able to do this is the mark of a truly effective, and flexible person (or a politician.) It is a worthwhile endeavor to practice this skill, because mastering it will enable you to go far in life, and "get along" with all variety of people, no matter what their opinions may be.

Answer 4

Religion isnt important, its having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I'm going through the same thing. My husband and I just left our home church and we've had lots of pressure from everyone, but I really feel like we were led by God and no matter how much it hurts to know that I've disappointed them and hurt them I have comfort in knowing it was Gods will. God bless

Answer 5

I think being honest with yourself is important. I walked away from the Christian faith early 20s but came back around late 20s. I couldn't believe in it without some reason to and then someone showed me the evidence that supports it.

Answer 6

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
-- William Shakespeare

Without personal integrity, life is a pretty miserable affair. I'm very sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time of it with your mother, but selling yourself out to please her will ultimately eat away at your soul even worse, in my opinion.

Just for a lark, you might try taking the Belief-O-Matic quiz over at Beliefnet.com:

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

It matches you up with a wide variety of religions and philosophies based on your answers, with write-ups for each one. The results can be very surprising -- and who knows? Perhaps if you can say to your mother, "I'm __________" (based on the quiz), it might give her something that she can come to terms with in a way that will bring her more peace. ;-)

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

You're doing the right thing by questioning your religion. If there were a god, I'm sure he'd appreciate you using your mind rather than just believing what you're told. Your mother will get over it eventually. Well, probably. You know her better than I do.

Answer 8

She's been brought up to believe you're going to hell if you have the temerity to question the world around you. You can't blame her for wanting to protect her daughter from hell.

Why don't you tell her a lie to put her heart at ease, but go on believing what you want to believe? You have to ask yourself which is worse: a white lie, or the painful truth?

Answer 9

Continue to be honest. Living a lie is not good, you can't fake a belief you don't feel. God wants it from your heart.

Keep searching, you will find what is right for you. Your parents need to accept this is your path.

Answer 10

My parents are fairly religious, it drives me crazy. When I wanted to change to Wicca, I had to tell my parents, and with all the suckiness in the world against me, they make me go to church for 6 more years. woo. how exciting is that? getting to spend 6 more years with the people you hate? well, I feel your pain, my parents just lectured me and gave me a disappointed look. I hate closed minds.