She constantly interrupts us when we are talking, if we ignore her she talks louder and louder until we stop and answer her. Plus if my husband gives me a kiss or hug she will start climbing all over him. Demanding the same affection. When I bring the fact that this constant need to be the center of attention annoys me, he tells me that this is just a phase. I understand the importance of the two of them having bonding time, but it is a constant occurance. When will this "phase" come to an end.
2007-03-08 15:16:46 · 11 answers · asked by lolabeano 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Had the same situation here, times three! The kid is jealous of you! She was her daddies girl. Now you are. Give her time. When she realizes that you aren't going anywhere and that Daddy still loves her, she'll calm down.
2007-03-08 15:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by drammy22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't a phase honey. this is her showing her dislike for you and proving to you time and time again that "daddy" will always put her first. It's a game and she's winning because he's always giving in to her and you are getting upset about it. What you need to do is be the parent. Rather than ignore her when she is trying to interupt, simply say "daddy and I are having a conversation right now, we will be with you in a second honey". You have to acknowledge that you both know she is there. As far as the climbing all over daddy when it comes to showing you affection....that tends to prove a little more difficult. Reason being is that she is female, this is her daddy and you are treading in her space. I would try to limit the amount of affection the two of you are showing in front of her. She is threatened by it and if you don't, you'll cause deep seeding feelings of insecurity in her that will last longer than this problem you have now. And the last bit of advice that I have that works miracles is including her. Make her a part of the conversations, have bonding time with the three of you. Play games or something. It's going to be the little things that are going to cause the most change. And remain consistent. Don't do it one day and stop the next, or do it for a week and then have it taper off. To have her see that you love her and daddy loves her too, will mean the world to her and will change her behavior. Right now she's just unsure and she's staking her claim. If you show her that sharing is so much better, she'll feel it, and that makes all the difference in the world. Then she won't feel the need to be center of attention, she won't interupt, hang on dad or demand bonding time. Honey, blended families can't work that way. Either they work together, or they don't work at all.
I know this is easier said than done, but I did it. I got my bonus child when she was five and we went through the same thing, only my daughter was spiteful of me and went beyond interupting. At times I thought she was the spawn of satan. When we entered family counseling, I learned first hand how threatened by me she was and that counselor gave us those same tools that I just gave you. It took maybe a month and I couldn't believe this was the same little girl. She was loving and giving, kind, polite and just a total sweetheart. It was like night and day.
I wish you the grace of God and all the patience in the world...you may need it.
2007-03-08 23:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It most certainly is not a phase. Her interrupting you when you talk is bad manners and she should be told not to interrupt. As for her wanting the same affection when your husband hugs or kisses you that is up to your husband to make her understand that when he is kissing you that is your grown up time. It is ok to give her a hug or a kiss but he needs to make her stop. It won't get any better if she isn't shown she can't always be the center of the world.
2007-03-08 23:23:32 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the mother of 4 children. They all had to learn that interupting is just not tolerated and that it is really bad manners. You need to teach your step daughter the same thing.
As for her wanting the same thing from her daddy, I believe that is normal. My girls did the same thing. My youngest son does the same thing when he sees others (Talking about his siblings) kissing me or hugging me, including his daddy. It is an insecurity that they have. According to some professionals that I have spoken to in the past. They eventually work it out in their little minds.
How this happens is through a lot of reassurance from the one that they want the attention from. In this case, her daddy. Daddy just needs to say that it is alright to hug and kiss you, and then hug and kiss her saying that he can love her too. He needs to let her know that he has enough love for you and her. Spending some quality time with her, learning to respect some boundaries, she'll come to terms that she is not going to lose her daddy or you and then she will start to do her own thing.
But, then it might be that you are craving her attention because the faze does end and they get busy doing other things and we are the ones that are forgotten as they grow older. Do not let time slip you by. Hold onto her because before you know it she will be secure in her relationship with both you and her daddy, and will be secure in who she is as well. Then she will be asking to borrow the keys for the car. *Smiles.*
2007-03-08 23:40:34 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children need to be taught manners no matter WHAT age they are. To interupt is rude..but how is she supposed to know that if nobody teaches her? They aren't born knowing that. Is your Husband giving any one on one time to his Daughter? Are YOU allowing THEM alone time? She needs to know that she is just as important to him as you are, but in a different way. Therefore when it's YOUR time she needs to respect that and the same goes for you when it comes time for Dad/Daughter time.
Sounds to me like the guy has TWO jelous females in his world!
2007-03-08 23:33:34 · answer #5 · answered by TriciaC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just love her. Remember, you're new to her life and change can be difficult and scary for kids. I'm not saying it's not annoying. I'm sure it is. Sounds like it will just take time. Let her know that you both love each other and her as well , that you're not taking her place. Remember, you're the adult.
2007-03-09 00:54:25 · answer #6 · answered by Kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your step daughter is either insecure or is a spoiled brat.if she acts this way because she is insecure then you should reach out and try to be more affectionate to her and let her know that you love her.that is if you love her , maybe you dont .but by being active in her life and by doing things for her like picking her up from school and activities would help. i like taking my step son (who is also 8) to school because it gives me a 20 minute window to talk. and believe me he likes to talk. good luck
2007-03-08 23:41:29 · answer #7 · answered by Tommy D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am having the same problems! I would like to suggest go to oprah.com and watch yesterdays’ show (when mothers say no) also nogreaterjoy.com was greatly helpful in my search very direct in how too.
2007-03-08 23:25:55 · answer #8 · answered by Elizabeth L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe the 8 yo's "phase" will end sooner then your discontent for your "step-daughter."
2007-03-08 23:22:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, how i see it, she is just not to happy about someone coming in, raining on her parade of her - and - daddy. what you should do is tell him about this, hang out more with her, and most important:
Keep
Her
Busy
wether sports, ballet, dance, drama, art, just make it sound funa nd little by little, she should become less clingly to Daddy.
2007-03-08 23:29:54 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋