My daughter is getting married June 30th..The have planned a big church wedding ..She and her fiance recently bought a house and moved in together.She needed to move there because her father and I were recently divorced and she was living with her dad and brother, who both have drinking problems. Plus, she now only lives bout a mile from her work. Living with me was not an option as I moved too far away. Now because they are living together, the Pastor at the church says he will not marry them in the church with the big wedding we have planned. He will marry them in the church with a small ceremony and a few guests. The dress is bought, the hall is reserved and the cake is ordered. They are now thinking of getting married next weekend with the small ceremony and have the big wedding in June as planned to renew their vows. This is ok with the Pastor. I'm not comfortable with this. This church has always been a big part of her fiances life and she just recently joined. What would you do?
2007-03-08 14:51:11 · 14 answers · asked by mary2148 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Have his family get together with the pastor. He may be reasonable and change his mind. Make sure the pastor understands the situation that your daughter was in, and why they moved in together before the wedding. If all else fails, you could go over his head and talk to the church council in your city.
They should have the wedding they want, not the wedding they are told to have.
2007-03-08 15:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they really want to get married and have the big cermony at the church later this year- then i say go for it. I think though that in the end it will be up to the couple. I think that if they get married now it is no problem and unless you tell others that they have been previously married- no one would be the wiser (you could keep it on the down low). Just to share- my Pastor said he could not marry my fiance and i since we live together if we wanted a big wedding. I searched around and found a licensed officiant and we are getting married outside of the church for our wedding.
As the mom though- just support your daughters decision- she is old enough to know what she wants.. her getting married next weekend or in June doesnt matter as long as she is happy.
2007-03-08 15:00:22 · answer #2 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is what both of them want and are okay with this than you need to just let them do this. Theres not much of an option for them to do somthing different and change the location if things are already booked. I dont think it was right that they couldnt have this big wedding the day they wanted and needs to be put off to a smaller wedding. But theres nothing they can do. And this way they can still get married in the church they want and still have a big wedding later on.
2007-03-09 06:37:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's crazy. My friend's cousin already had a baby with her now husband and they were allowed to get married in our church. I think the Pastor is being unreasonable and your daughter has a right to be upset. I think maybe the pastor doesn't know the whole story about why they are living together right now. Maybe if he knew then he would change his mind about it. Are they (yoru daughter and fiance) bothered by this? If so, they should try talking to the pastor and see if there is some other compromise they can come up with. Good luck and let us know what happens.
2007-03-08 19:04:06 · answer #4 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the pastor is being unreasonable, but many of the people in his field have similar feelings. It took my fiance and I forever to find a pastor who did not object to performing a ceremony for us. We have been living together for two years, have a significant age difference, and do not belong to a church. I would personally find a pastor willing to perform the ceremony as originally planned either in a church or outdoors. I would not let a pastor control my life.
2007-03-09 02:36:31 · answer #5 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally I think the pastor is being ridiculous. If they want a big wedding as planned, look into an officiant. When they get their marriage license the courthouse should give them a list of officiants. Many, many couples today live together before getting married, the pastor shouldn't make them feel shamed.
2007-03-08 15:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by pchiz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think doing it now & then renewing vows in June is a little soon. While I understand the church is important to them, is it possible to have someone else do the wedding? Of course this is just my opinion, but I wouldn't like my wedding performed by someone that judgmental.
2007-03-08 14:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by layla983 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would let them do what they want. If they want to get married next weekend with a small ceremony, and not waste the big ceremony by renewing their vows in June, I say go for it.
2007-03-09 00:22:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would look for a church that doesn't have such a small minded pastor. Another alternative is a civil ceremony. I will never understand why people allow despotic clergy to run their lives.
2007-03-08 15:16:31 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pastor is right. She had made her choices, and there are consequences she has to live with. Have the small wedding, but don't have the "big wedding" to follow - that would just be a farce.
2007-03-08 22:48:05 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋