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Got any good jokes? if so tell me them i love to laugh!!!!!! please thank you!

Answer 1

O.K this a blond joke. Once a woman went to a store and she tells the employeee that she wanted that T.V. on the corner. Then the employe says "we don't sell to blonds" so then she gets out of the store and puts a Mans clothing and then goes inside the store and tells the man.And he says the same thing. so then she gets out of the store and goes to the doctor so she could make a surgery so the employee wouldn't know that it was her.Then she goes to the store and says the same thing to the employee and then the employee says the same thing.And then the blond woman says "how do you know is me'' and the employee then says ''I know is you because that in the corner is not a T.V is a microwave.

I hope you liked it =)

Answer 2

Lol, sorry i have a few of em, ya can neva have one fav!

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."
The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"




Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course."
The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?" "No. I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the dumb blonde joke e-mails we've been receiving." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."


There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, the Blonde.
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note:
Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."



The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"


LOL it shall neva fail at a party~!~!~!

Answer 3

Here's one that is so stupid, it's funny. Someone else told it before though:

"Knock knock.

Who's there?

Then I turn around and walk away."

lol It makes me laugh always.

Answer 4

nope

Answer 5

This is really long, but REALLY funny!

WAX is "Not your Friend"

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors,
razors, Nair and now...the wax
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,
fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought
that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the
medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise:
the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of
hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand,
they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to
your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not
a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure
this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer
and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I
lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling,
but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no
longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate
hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one
foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the
one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering
the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the
inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale
deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep
breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I
think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear
crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that
has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over
body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the
strip. I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?! I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down. My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE
ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-hoo*?
Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get
the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to
melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub -
the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions
glued together is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and
have some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued
together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks
for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we
talking cheeks or hoo- ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of
someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping
the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to
have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving
the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major
hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic
Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my
saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the
excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I
rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens
out of my friend.
Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE...ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this
point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color... Now that's funny
... Notttttttttt!!!!

Answer 6

not really any good ones

Answer 7

not at the moment