Please help,im in pure despair.My eldest daughter has twisted the truth about an incident that happened here?

Question

Its 2am and im in true despair,i dont want any cruel answers.But after an incident that happened in my home between me and my daughters partner a few weeks ago where she sat and allowed him to verbally attack me,ive now read an email she sent my niece about this incident and shes lied about what happened and made me look like an uncaring mom.If you are a regular on here you may have seen some of my questions on my daughters wedding and relationship with this bully.Ive stood back for 71/2 years and said nothing.He over stepped the mark by his actions and words and as i predicted ive been used as the scapegoat.Im devastated at this latest betrayal and im having a hard time coping with the twisted lies.Im in shock that my own daughter who is 34 could do this to me.Im having doubts about myself as a mom,did i dream up my devotion to my 3girls.Im alone and already on diazepam to cope with the stress theyve already given me.None of you know me,ive been a devoted mom,why is she turning on me

Just to put you in the picture,my daughter has been living with this bully for 7years,ive never once got involved as i strongly believe she has to make her own choices and the more you tell someone not to do something the more they seem to want to do it.Because of his behaviour towards me two weeks ago,and the fact we were up until then still going to support them at there wedding,even though we`d found out that last year he`d got a girl of 16 pregnant,but his almost demonic behaviour towards me and to my daughter was the final straw.Shes a big girl so my husband and i decided we couldnt be hypocrites and throw her into the lions den,we love her too much,but we cant go as that would mean we believe in this marriage.Her middle sister has just gone abroad to work and was coming back for the wedding but has said she is not now after how he behaved in our home.I asked my niece if she`d heard anything as ive not heard a word from her and after reading the story theyre telling im bereft.

Answer 1

Time to cut the apron strings and let go and let live.
Let her go, in time she will come back around.
Set boundaries, make house rules.

Everyone in this house will be treated with Dignity and Respect.
No over night guests for 30 days.
Put yourself first.

don't confront her, she will only lie.
Delelte any further emails.
tell the niece you don't want to hear the gossip.
Protect yourself from the negative.

Don't invite them over, and ask them to call you before dropping by.
do the same with them.
don't go where you are not invited.
Call her but don't be judgmental.

Her relationship is her's with her b/f or husband.
Stay out of it.
Protect yourself, and let it go, and do a 30 day no contact or calling of this daughter, no emails.
Take a time out!

Good luck, sometimes we have to let go, and put ourselves first, get some hobbies, go to plays and movies,

get out of her life, and don't give her any advice on anything for 30 days, and see how that works.

IM me if you need me.

Answer 2

She is turning on you because you allow them to be abusive to you, her asshole probably has her convinced that you are something you are not. Well, the one thing about being a mom is letting your children learn their lessons the hard way. Don't tolerate their abuse, tell them to leave your home if they can't treat you with respect. You don't have to put up with it. She is your daughter and will be back, might take some time, but let her go. I am sure he is abusive to her as well and she allowed it cause she doesn't feel that she has a choice. As far as the lying goes, that is none of your business. People believe what they want to. If you allow all of this to affect you then you will go crazy. You need to find yourself a womens group on co dependancy. You won't be alone then, volunteer somewhere, get yourself out of the trap of being a mom. It's not your job to deal with abusive children. You probably dont' put up with anyone else treating you like that, why your kids? I don't respond at all to it, I have a 15 year old, can't do much about it right now, but in the future I will. Whether you believe it or not, she loves you and you will always love her, but bad behavior is bad behavior, you don't have to like that. Stand up for yourself, you will be surprised at where it will get you.

Answer 3

You poor thing, I have two daughters and know I would be distraught if this happened to me.
I think it is time you cut loose, you are being disrespected and you cannot allow this to go on,
She will only know what she has lost when its gone! Distance yourself--I know this will be hard and you could do with some support. Do you have a friend you can turn to or another family member?
As long as you know you have been a good mum to your daughters you have no reason to reproach yourself.
Regain your self respect and try to cut yourself off from this daughter who is causing you so much grief.
I wish you all the best for the future.

Answer 4

First of all, quit questioning the job you did as a mom. Your daughter is an adult and although she's likely making a mistake, there's not much you can do.
I would invite her out to lunch and very calmly tell her about the evidence you have that makes you look like the bad guy. Explain that you're hurt and surprised that she would behave this way. Tell her that you want a relationship with her and will always be there for her if she ever needs you.
When she does come crying to you, don't say "I told you so". Just say you're glad she finally sees it. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 5

Hiya, Now is the time to let her go, she is a big girl now and as the old saying goes, she is making her bed let her lie in it. Don't doubt yourself as a mum, you did well bringing up 3 daughters it's hard raising children. I would just go to the wedding be there for her on that day but after that i would keep my distance you have the final say on who comes into your home and i am afraid he wouldn't get in, She wants you to like him and is showing frustration and "getting back at you" because you don't. Let her carry on with her life she will soon realise she has made a BIG mistake, cause if he bullies you i am afraid he will bully her. Just let your daughter know you will always be there if she needs you, but keep your distance from the coward who most probably can only bully women. Good Luck to you, and God Bless You.

Answer 6

I don't know why she is doing this to you. I hope your other 2 kids are treating you right. My mom has 3 kids too and the 28 yr old (who is the youngest) seems to walk all over her. I've tried talking to my sister and so has my brother. There is something in her head telling her she is entitled. I'm not sure if that's the same type of thing you have to deal with. BUT, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. My mom always asks what she did wrong with my sister. Honestly, she didn't do a thing different with her than she did with my brother and I. For some reason she is just different. It's not your fault! And hopefully, like I tell my own mom, one day they will come around before it is too late and realize everything you have done for them. If they don't, they will be the ones suffering when mom is gone. I hope things get better for you soon! Just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

Answer 7

You poor love. I did something similar to my Mam....boy do I feel bad for doing it now though. There is no easy solution to this and whatever you do it's going to cause you pain. The way my Mam reacted was to tell me that she loved me and always would but did not want to see me anymore. She told me that when I was ready to grow up and see what a waste of space my partner was she would accept me back in to the family. It took 2 years but I came home with my tail between my legs and a new baby under my arm. I was a total mess...my |Mam took me in and 8 years on we're the best of friends again. My ex was a total loser...I suppose I always knew it deep down but the more my family disapproved the angrier I got. He was a bit of a lad and slept around behind my back but I was not going to admit any of this to my family and prayed that one day he would grow up and we'd be happy and then my family would have to admit that they were wrong and I was right. Yeah I know it sounds so stupid now!! Anyway, once my Mam and Dad said that they didnt want to see me anymore it broke my heart. We lived in the same town and my Mam would just walk past me like I didn't exist. At first it was upset me then I thought "well at least I'm getting a quieter life" then I really missed them. Christmas was horrible knowing that my family would be having fun without me, I didn't even get a christmas card from them. Then one day I don't know what happened I just snaped, packed my bag grabbed my baby and went home. It was the crazyest day of my life. 8 years on I'm married to a guy that my family love, he even adopted my daughter and all the horrible things that were said have gone.
I'm going to pray for your family and ask God to open your daughters eyes. Remember lies always come out in the end and blood is thicker than water.....or pond scum!!!

Answer 8

Momma, any man who abuses a woman either physically or verbally is nothin but a spineless bully, he is pond life, he is what usually needs scrapin off your shoe. After seven and a half years it's time to stand your ground. Ban his *** out of your house, if your daughter dont like it, ban her *** as well. Please dont try and justify to your self the reasons behind this. Your a mother, if they cant respect that and your house, kick em the hell out, tell em to stay away until they can learn respect. Bet they copme running back when they need you. If they dont, no loss. Stay strong momma. I know the ladies will be able to answer better than me but I'm giving you my 110%. Andy. x

Answer 9

im so sorry youve been hurt like this, you are a good mum, dont let this bully make you question that, all you can really do is let your daughter know that you and her father will always be there if she needs you, and let her live her life, yes it tears us apart as parents, but its making you ill, and youve done all you can, its time to concentrate on your relationship with your husband, find strength in each other and live your life

Answer 10

I understand your despair,as i have had many lies said about me in the past,ppl usually do this when they know they are in the wrong@cant justify their actions.have the beleaf as i did that the truth always comes out in the end,it did for me@remember that the ppl that truly know u know your capabilities,it sounds like she could do with some councelling@she has issues of her own,,chin up,,,